Suck it, Nebrasska

Today's the day. After many a painful misstep this season (in spite of one glorious week/three minutes at the top of the BCS poll), OU finds themselves battling Nebraska one last time (RIP Big 12) for the conference championship. While I'm unsure of our chances, to win, what I am sure of is that this game will be memorable because it'll be the first viewed from our new HUGE ASS/42" TV. That might seem like kid's play to you, but for us, having finally retired my parent's circa 1998 old school 36 incher, it is effing heaven. But, the most important thing is that it was hella cheap. I mean, ridonk. Like less than I can spend on iTunes in an hour. (Not really, but close.) In any case, in spite of, you know, expecting a bebeh, this purchase is actually the most adult I've felt since I signed up for retirement. Kudos, me.

iWant

check it: (click so you can see better unless you have fighter pilot vision, like me.)

too bad it's so expensive and i'm so poor, otherwise, match made in oklahoma!

NMF! Woo woo!

Well folks, it's time for the second, now annual, Norman Music Festival. Not too shabby for a blip on the radar like Norman, OK. This year's line up includes a shit ton of local bands crowding the more than 10 stages camped out on downtown Main Street and beyond. So maybe, what, two of them won't suck? It's not me, just the odds. The headliners are Of Montreal, the Starlight Mints, Tea Leaf Green (who?) and someone else I already forgot. Rumor was Joaquin Phoenix was in the mix, but I think that fell through. Balls. I'm super psyched that the throngs descend upon Norman's historic downtown to hang out in the open air and partake of local businesses, but the line up fucking blows*.

I know we're limited, since it's, you know, Norman, but really? The best we can do is Of Montreal and a local band? Of Montreal performed at OU a couple of years ago (remind me to shoot myself for living here that long) and it BLEW. Their sound went out and they were rendered completely useless. Hipster sadness abounded. Also, I think my taste in music is decidedly female. For whatever that means. Like indie easy listening, I guess. Like what my mom would listen to if she were down with the psuedo-indie commercial scene. Like, how about the Hold Steady? That would actually be a good festival band. Or Spiritualized? That would be good. Vampire Weekend's too good for the OK? Dr. Dog? King Khan and the Shrines? Shit, even Hosty?** Anyone besides Of Montreal? Dunno why I'm so negative, but it seems like a good opportunity wasted.

However, of course, I will attend because what is better than wandering around in the sunshine with lots of peeps, dogs and beer? Answer: nothing. The BF and I are scheming to find the best way to beverage ourselves without paying for drinks. As in, seriously considering parking a beer packed car right now in a lot close enough to walk to from the venues for easy access. We shall see. It might be the perfect day for a flask.

Album that's getting me through the day: Jim - Jamie Lidell.



Cannot get efuckingnough of this guy. This album's a patented commute buster. Get it. It's this weird composite of schmaltzy Stevie Wonder, super 80s Zapp ad Roger, weird Prince, and the choir from Sister Act 2. It works, though.

Another Day and Out Of My System
Little Bit of Feel Good



*Yes, I realize we are lucky to have anyone agree to play this place. See here.
**Do you live in the area? Have you not yet been to Hosty? Are you rere?

summer summer summertime (except it's still spring)

Duuuuude! It's hot out there. Hot on my arms. Hot on the part in my hair. Hot on my nose. Hot on my bare feet. Bring it, vitamin D. 91 degrees! On April 22!


Irises* are blooming. Grass is greening. Who needs post work happy hour when you can find some books, some Boylan, and some serious sun?

*I'm not actually sure what kind of blooms those are, they just appeared in my yard.

Hold onto your M-Fing hats, y'all.

There's gonna be a blizznado. Lord Gary must be creaming his wrinkle-resistant JC Penny pleat front slacks like nobody's business. I predict that all the hype of this freak storm will amount to about -.347 inches of snow in the metro.



I secretly hope I'm wrong and will have ample excuse to watch the Battlestar Galactica finale again tonight. Yeah, I said it.

Oh snap.

I kinda knew this would happen. Deep in my heart of sports prediction hearts. Does it make it any easier? No. Now, the SEC will be all we'reawesomethebig12isforpussyteamsthatscuck. And also, Texas and Utah will be all thiswouldneverhavehappened to us. Well, guess what kids, it would've. Know why? Because, in spite of it all, Oklahoma is a kickass team that succeeded at not losing to Florida, but to itself this evening. Also, we are destined to lose all bowl games presided over by our dear St. Stoops. There I said it. So sue me. Finally, I am terribly drunk, so I will surely either regret or forget what I have said. In the meantime: boomer sooner. We will prevail! In 2018. Or something near that.

Hamburgers.

It's on.

We got it.

Oh snap!

It's on.

BREAKING ELECTION NEWS!

Psych! I know there's an election and all or whatever, but I think the following newsflash wins out. I don't want to sound like a douche or anything, but...

I'm kind of a big deal.

Check it: 75 Great Oklahoma Websites via Oklahoma Magazine. *Turn to page 76. I think/have it memorized.

I know, right! The TLO boys were also mentioned among many others actually deserving of making the list. I don't know if you've noticed, but... I kind of don't blog so much these days. When I let the BF know that he had the opportunity/obligation to buy a local celebrity a drink Friday night, he immediately asked whom I was sleeping with to secure such an honor. I'm 96% sure my parents paid for my mention as penance for this haircut.

**UPDATE** The dorkiest of all dorks, M5K has even noted this momentous, albeit undeserving and decidedly mysterious development. Recognize.

Hey look, we're in the paper! The NY Times Magazine, no less.

Get a load of this. (For those not in the know, Oklahoma City is the location of Oklahoma's only professional sports franchise, the newly transplanted Seattle SuperSonics, now known as the Thunder - probably not on the radar of most NBA fans.)

Where the Thunder Comes Dribbling Down the Plains

Here is a highlight:

With Seattle on a roll — it’s home to Microsoft, Amazon.com, Starbucks, Costco, Nordstrom — it is difficult to fathom why any team (or business, for that matter) would leave the city and its famous quality of life for a metropolitan area one-third its size. And why Oklahoma City? Even in its own state, Tulsa would seem to have greater national prospects, with its rolling hills, mansion-filled neighborhoods and cultural accouterments of a serious place, as opposed to flat, brown, insular Oklahoma City, where unseemly oil wells blight even the Capitol grounds.

Ok, fine. It ends up being somewhat fair in the end. And, it was the best written piece about Oklahoma I've seen in a long, long time since we're usually stuck with The Oklahoman. In any case, I gotta find me some tickets.

Pop Quiz

Where have I been?

a. Working security at the DNC.

b. Winning like 5,000 gold medals in field hockey. *I did go to a college for ladies...

c. Welcoming baby Bee-Spot into the world!

d. In a room at 900 E. Main St., Norman, OK.

e. Washing my hair.

f. Two words. Gender reassignment.

g. I'm now Mrs. Bee-Spot!

h. Preparing for ACL by immersing myself in thousands upon thousands of mp3s and irony.

i. Filming with the rest of the new cast of Real World: OKC.

j. Waiting in line at Wal-Mart to pay for just one tube of toothpaste.

k. First month of medical school!

l. Boycotting all things blog.

m. Watching every possible Lost episode and webisode in preparation for the impending season.

n. Hospitalized for Diet Coke OD.

o. Totally sweet and awesome vacay!

p. Preparing for the US Open, only to be knocked out in the first round.

q. On the campaign trail with McCain.

r. Lost in Forever 21.

s. Knocker reduction surgery.

t. Drinking.

u. Drinking.

v. Painting my face and body crimson and cream for tomorrow's opening game!

w. Hosting the eighth hour of the Today Show.

x. Just watching the Today show (full time occupation).

y. I predict no one makes it this far down the list.

z. Wallowing in self pity, despair, laziness, beer, wine, and Taco Bell.

Things I hate: #4

I hate a lot of things. The idea of chewing on wet paper towels. People who don't accelerate immediately at green lights. Samoa Girl Scout cookies. Weddings with no alcohol. White tights. My Chemical Romance. Uni nigiri. But last night, a previously overlooked (or blocked out) transgression forced itself upon me. I attended Zanzibarfest (you can find it on MyFriendSpaceBook) to benefit a local recording studio that works with many of Norman's bands, including the roommate's. I saw some old school Norman kids, had a free beer, watched toddlers fall over in a community garden, listened to some local music and was subjected to hippie dancing. Holy hairy chai scented balls does this annoy me! I just don't understand. The amount of unrhythmic flailing was dangerous. You could've put an eye out with that. Just because you have on several long layers of non-matching billowing fabrics doesn't mean that twirling and contorting in them is actually conveying some sort of transcendent experience. Also, you're all doing the same dumbass dance, you non-conformists. And finally, you pretend it's all spontaneous expressions of your surroundings, but you totally practice in front of your mirror every night.

I want to trip them. I want to dress them in GAP from head to toe. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against hippies really, it's just their dancing. It's worst than the skankiest of sorostitute grinding. I'd rather do the electric slide on hot coals than watch this shit. I thought my own personal hell was a place with no Diet Coke, but apparently it's a Phish concert.

1-2-3-4 tell me that you love me anymore (like you ever did)

I am not so good at the blogging with all of the working and the sleeping and the solitary drinking and such. Apologies. My job continues to dominate 80% of my time that I don't spend thinking or talking about my job. The other .01% of my time I spend bitching about everything else, including this blog and the lack thereof. However, this weekend, I took a little break from my self imposed prison of work and bitchiness and ventured out into my community with the following results:

1. Apple Store, Penn Square Mall, Oklahoma City, OK: My dad called to let me know that TurboTax had felled our mighty eMac from 2004. Surprise. He was freaking out because now he had no computer with which to go online and order a new computer so that he could complete filing in a timely manner. I suggested that instead of ordering a computer and taking a day off work to await its arrival that we go to the Apple Store conveniently located near a J. Crew. He agreed, with reservation - about what, I don't know. We completed the purchase after about 500 hours of luddite torture inflicted by Dad toward myself and the poor, annoying apple guy who says he will email the receipt and call us when the additional memory stick has been installed - yes, we had them do it. When we return to pick up the computer, the concierge/dumbass asks for our receipt. I say it will be emailed to us with our Apple Care information. Dad then completely freaks out because it dons on him that without his old computer working, he can't possibly check email to print out the new receipt. FOR REAL! I calmly try to tell him that he can access his email from any computer and that we need only to turn on the new computer so that he can log in to gmail. He thinks this over and clearly thinks that he has spawned a complete and utter retard for thinking that email can exist on more than just one's personal computer. Seriously, folks, it's amazing I can even read. Also, he has a Ph.D.

2. Meacham Hall, OU, Norman, OK: Later that night, Darryl/Craig Robinson, the endearing warehouser from The Office performed his stand up routine at OU. It bordered on totally lame and awful and made extensive use of a Casio and the word "panties." I could make better jokes in my sleep, if I were funny. Later that night, we saw him holding court over a mixture of fratsters and sorostitutes (who probably don't watch The Office unless it's on in the background while they're blowing dudes with their boat shoes* still on) at the bar. Ew.

3. East Lawn, OU, Norman, OK: Later, later that night, we returned from the disappointing "comedy" show to whine and complain about the lack of interesting shit to do in Norman, the boyfriend stumbled upon the fact that Voxtrot would be performing at OU, right where we had been a mere minutes earlier. We finished our Keystones and braved the streets filled with the remnants of OU's first scrimmage to listen to approximately 1.5 songs before they finished. Oops. They are darling! Like all good hipsters, they are mini. Super cute, teeny tiny musicians. Oh well, random indie bands are always clamoring to play in Norman, so there'll be more... Actually, if you read this (ha!) and you're from the area, the Norman Music Festival happens the 26th. The line up isn't bad including British Sea Power, The Polyphonic Spree and lots of not totally sucky local acts.

Enjoy: The Start of Something - Voxtrot

4. Cain's Ballroom, Tulsa, OK: Mr. Shain and I hit the turnpike for a quick trip to Tulsa to hear my favorite Feist perform Monday night. Shain is truly dear sometimes, but I don't know why, and frankly, it scares me. He picked me up from work and promptly handed me a Boylan lime seltzer, my favorite, for the trip. I thought for sure this meant that he was the Silvio to my Ade. After a pit stop at McDonald's so Shain could stuff his face with the new southern chicken sandwich (what does that even mean, McDonald's?) we arrived in Tulsa to get lost in the totally dead downtown area. It was weird. We were afraid to park, but we did and made it inside. Now, I love Feist and you will not convince me otherwise. I have Let it Die and The Reminder memorized. I will fight you if you say she sucks unless it looks like I cannot win. Right, my point was that I suspected, as we entered the venue, that the Urban Outfitted attendees did not share the same kind of love. I was right. Instead of singing the The Park, she railed the audience for their behavior to the melody. I imagine this is not unusual for her, that she probably rehearses admonishments for mid-western audiences, but I got her point. Shain thought it was preachy and tacky. What was actually maybe more tacky was her outfit - I couldn't decide if her white fringed mini dress with white leather booties topped with beaded Native American inspired necklaces was an homage to her surroundings or just bizarre taste. More disturbing was the continued audience behavior. This chick beside me totally flipped her shit on the security guy near us chatting up a totally drunk girl. The security dude actually told her to shut the fuck up. I was stunned. But then I returned to the hypnotic effect of the music accompanied by this super hot piano player and the boyfriend's doppleganger on guitar (he seriously looked quite like him). She played all the old favorites including new versions of Inside and Out and Let it Die. She forgot a verse of Mushaboom, but came back with a fantastic encore of Sealion Woman. One of the most compelling things about the whole show, besides Shain's clothing choice which involved a stuffed in t-shirt and vest, was the shadow imagery projected on the back of the stage area. Usually, I hate that shit, but now, of course, I want to change careers. We got home about 2 and I headed into work by 8. Awesome, but worth it.

Enjoy:
So Sorry
Gatekeeper

5. My Bed, Norman, OK: I went to bed last night a about 7pm and woke up at 6.30 this morning. Hence the bloglessness. I'll try to be better about reporting my totally boring life and inane observations, but no promises.




*Has anyone noticed this trend? WFT? They are the summer equivalent of Uggs, I suppose. I will never understand and assume that's for the best.

BREAKING NEWS: Mr. Shain may not be so bad.

Today, or yesterday, I don't really know, longtime bee-spot reader and friend/hater, Mr. Shain, formerly of *The Life & Times, sent me an email. Within this email was a link to the website Stuff White People Like. Maybe you've heard of it already, chances are, I don't care. In the meantime, the site provides a bit of hilarity during a long day at the office blogs. To tell the truth, and listen carefully, because I am rarely honest (also, you guys are the most awesome readership ever!), it's more a site about what yuppies like. I can get behind that as some day I aspire to be a yuppie, but until then I will drive a Camry instead of a Prius. Anyway, my point is, this list makes sense if you live in Connecticut or Vermont or maybe Edmond. For the rest of us (especially here in Oklahoma), I think there's a different list to be had.

George Bush
Matchbox 20
Cracker Barrel
Jack and Ron on 98.9
Buying American
Lake Hefner
Sam's Wholesale Club
The Blazers
local banks
Diet Coke/Pepsi
The Lake (where ever that might be)
Gary England/weather preparedness
Bricktown
Edmond Public Schools

You see that?

Yeah. 38-17. Fuck you BCS. Even though I don't really understand how you work. And I suspect I am not the only one. In the meantime, have fun figuring out what to do as both W. Virginia and Mizzou got their asses handed to them. You know what I do know how it works or something? A bottle opener.

It's Saturday, I'm in Love

because Friday did that thing where someone goes, 'hey, what's on your shoes' and then punches you in the face or something. First of all, I was out of oatmeal. Bad news bears. Secondly, I'd finished the last of my Diet Coke Plus 12 pack Thursday, third(ly) my lovely work studies bailed on me leaving early for Fall Break, which left me to do my job all alone with no lunch. WTF? I left for lunch at 4.30. That's when my mom called and told me I'd be meeting her for dinner at exactly 5, because she'd had a horrible day, needed a drink and needed someone to drive her home. Great. Although I enjoyed my expensive margarita (never frozen, never made from a mix, that's just wrong), my buzz was punctuated with poignant old family chestnuts like "you never support me," "why are you never on my side," and "you don't love me because you never support me and are never on my side" when Mom was describing the trials and tribulations that come with being a professional tween wrangler. I feel for her, I do, but I try to help when I guess what she really wants is for me to shut up, nod and order another round. Lesson learned. The point of this is that Friday sucked. I'm trying again today, although today has HUGE potential suck factor because today is THE OU/TEXAS GAME!!!!!

Oh yes. The game so big and ugly it can't be played in the hometown of either team. Also, it's the biggest rivalry and game of the conference, I would argue, so sure, Oklahoma, let Texas gain all the profit of your hard work. Dallas needs more money, Lord knows. Anyway, I have a bad feeling about this. You will all hate me, but I think getting our nuts ripped off by Colorado will have not an invigorating effect, but rather, I think it's a slippery slope to OSU land from here (although, OSU is playing A&M for the Big 12 South title today because we're retarded and lost). Anyway, I have a bad feeling. Or maybe it's just about the traffic. You see, in my infinite wisdom, I have decided to drive to Dallas, not for the game per se (because I think it would be heartbreaking, also, I don't have $1500 for a ticket and my cast iron liver is more porcelain these days) but because Rilo Kiley's playing. Yay! You may hate on Under The Blacklight, but I'm into it. Also, I have a mad crush on Jenny, just like everyone else. I'm on my way soon, but probably only to spend six maddening hours in traffic, and miss the beginning of the game, because I am smart like that. So, friends, since I don't ask much of you, please please please do whatever you do to make sure your team wins, but replace your team with OU. K? Thx.

It's Friday, I'm in Love

with the anniversary of this blog (but seriously, only because no one else is and I have to, it's contractual). SPOILER ALERT: this has the potential to turn into a sapfest. Either get out now or, yeah, just click the little x. But before you do, as this is my blog, I can use it for evil as well as good. In the words of Bobby Brown, it's my prerogative.

Last year was an extraordinarily bad year. I mean, mega shitteous. Coupla things: 1. tragically dumped by high school boyfriend of seven years/love of life (so I thought), 2. beloved dog Zealand stolen (and, unless you've raised a dog from a puppy, it's really hard to describe just how absolutely heartbreaking this was) as a result of my dumping, 3. sold myself out of gainful employment (long story), 4. moved back to Oklahoma from the remains of my seemingly happy life in Northampton, MA. I know people have been through worse, yes, but this was all so completely unexpected and expected. Anyway. Shitty. I started this blog while I was tinkering with spreadsheets at good ol' Yankee Candle as a way to kind of creatively get through this crappiness. A year later, it's strange to peruse the archives to see who I was and think about where I am now. Also, this is a good test to see if I know my months.

A year in the Blythe: a photographic and postographic retrospective.

September

I picked apples.

October

I went to a Halloween party in a barn. It was very New England. I do love Fall in New England. Something I already miss.

November

I met Augusten Borroughs.

December

I went home to the OK for Christmas. While Christmas is about family to most, to me it is about gifts. Too bad for me.

January

I decided to move home. Yup. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Oh, except that before I left, Party Cat (featured in November) got tape stuck in her ass.

(I suggest clicking to enlarge.)

February

I will be single forever! And ever! and ever!

March

I loved substitute teaching middle schoolers in Noble, OK. No, really. I actually did.

April

I got all nostalgic and shit.

May

Shain and I continue our tempestuous relationship.

June

I celebrated my the one year anniversary of my dumpage. Sometimes I can't believe I made it. Sometimes I can't believe I stayed with that kid for so long. Bygones! Also, L and I hung out a lot. This is when I starting thinking I would someday ask her to be my hetero life mate. This is also one of the best perks of moving home.

July

I got HPV(II).

August

I got old.

And now, well, looking back, it seems pretty mundane, but trust me. It was. Ok, seriously? It was a fucking awful year, but I think things are on the upswing. I really do. Well, as long as OU continues to dominate.

Um, yeah, so I'm kind of a big deal...

Sometimes, I check Sitemeter to make sure my mom's not reading as per our legal agreement. Guess what I learned when I logged on today? Bee-Spot has been nominated for a 2007 Okie Blog Award! I know, right? Obvs this is award winning blog (potentially/not). No? That's not what you were thinking? Oh. In any case, I'm truly surprised as I didn't threaten anyone to nominate me or anything. Not even my mom. I'm not sure how it happened (or why Mr. Shain didn't stop it because of his unbridled and unrivaled jealousy), but I'm relieved that I can now wear my "I'm kind of a big deal" t-shirt legitimately. And really, it's just an honor to be nominated because the bloggers of Oklahoma would have to be crazy not to vote for the The Lost Ogle, my favorite site re: the OKC.

Everything That's Happened To Me Since Wednesday or, Sorry to Disappoint, Crimenotes:

1. Work has kicked my ass. But I also might be offered a new job, which would result in less ass kickings and more $$. In the meantime, I am boring.

2. Ultimate extreme tragedy struck. My cell phone finally bit it. Bitch snapped in half. I, of course, followed suit. I had a total and utter meltdown Friday night that resulted in me drinking margaritas at Chili's. In a related story, I have lost everyone's numbers. To most, this would be absolutely devastating, but for me, it's ok, since I only have like three friends. But if you want me to call you or not screen your call since I won't recognize your number, send me an email with your digits, yo.

3. My dad runs on bacon. Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights, my dad somehow managed to incorporate bacon into every meal prepared at the old homestead (no, Shain, I wasn't eating it - jerk didn't ask me if I wanted any). Now, don't get me wrong, I love me some bacon, but it's not really all that sexy to go out smelling like Waffle House.

4. See ya C-tina! C-tina made her brief, but triumphant return to Nompton before she departed for Slovakia for 10 months. We ate quiche at La Baguette just like the old days. We bought too much food at Forward Foods. We wandered around Guest Room Records for an hour. I bought Whatever and Ever Amen and was amazed that I still know every word to every song. We had ninth grade in my bedroom. It was wonderful.

5. I saw a movie. And a good one. I think. I might be the only one, though. Eagle vs. Shark played at the Oklahoma City Museum of Art. I was obligated to like it because Jemaine Clement is in it, so. Also, there were shark and eagle costumes. And most importantly, a supremely awkward relationship. All of those things are near and dear to my heart. The theater was really quiet, so I had to stifle my laughter quite a bit. That, plus my desperate need to pee, but refusal to get up proved to be a multi-media viewing experience. I'm fairly certain my viewing companion thought I was having a seizure. Which is cute right? No? If you can, see this movie. You'll like it. Oh, and then I went to this bar you'd also like. It's called Edna's. You can drink something called a Lunchbox. At first, I thought Edna's Lunchbox was akin to the Houston Ham Sandwich or Cincinnati Bow-Tie and was quite skeptical of the suggestion (but hey - I'll try anything once), but it's actually a delicious, yet cheap drink. That and other beverages required a trip to the bathroom. Which was fun, since there was only one stall and it had no door. Nothing like having to ask a random girl to guard your front. I did get felt up, though. I somehow always do in the ladies room. I dunno.

6. I bought a book. It's by Anthony Bourdain, of course. Is it weird I only read it before bed so I can dream of not (only) him, but the food?

7. I am contemplating the end of this blog. I am either depressed or thinking about being happy. I am no longer wallowing in abject misery, which seemed to be what worked best. What do you think?

Reuinited and it feels so good?

Top two reasons I'm glad Shain is back in the OK:

1. He brought me figs from his fig tree in Cali. So sweet! The figs, not Shain. He's generally an assface. We ate them while drinking at The Library. Our waitress thought we were crazy. Look at how much fun we had!

[Shain, send me your caption.]

[OHG! I am having so much fun talking about the philosophy department of OU! Also, I might have a lazy eye. Sexy time 4.]

2. He sent me a color-coded PDF of our potential yoga schedule with the instructions to print two copies, one for my office and one for home. He knows me too well.