Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Goulet Wednesday News Round Up: If Ever I Would Leave You Edition.

RIP, buddy.

Dear friends,

It is with a heavy heart (and a heavier ass) that I regret to inform you that the patron saint of this blog, Robert Goulet, passed away in LA while awaiting a lung transplant. Bee-Spot reader John called me last night to break the news. It was a tough phone call that drove me into a despair that could only be cured by eating more barbeque than I should've, but that's really neither here nor there. What's important is the legacy that Mr. Goulet has left behind. If and when I find out what that is, I probably won't let you know. It might be his turn as Lancelot in the classic musical Camelot or his brilliant work in Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of I wish Leslie Nielson Were My Grandpa. In the meantime...

Nature! - This is probably, literally the eighth time I've posted this. And it never gets old. And there's this one too.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Zack Harrison Memorial Music Monday: Random Crap Edition

How 'bout them Redsox! As an honorary Masshole of 6 years, I am obligated to pull for the Redsox. I was just thinking the other day about watching their last World Series win, eating a bajillion hot dogs with Jess C., screaming at the TV while drinking copious amounts of Budlight. When they won, they rioted at Umass because they are super awesome. What says state pride more than defacing publicly funded property? I don't know. In a completely unrelated story, I went to Austin this weekend with many goals including outdoor crap and a Fiery Furnaces show. Did I accomplish these goals? Of course not. I've had a migraine since about last Tuesday and it decided to be a real bastard this weekend leaving me a crabby, whiny, lethargic turd. We managed to eat Mexican food, meander about Barton Springs and Town Lake for hours and hours (we watched some rowing and I was fascinated by dozens of sunning turtles), ate some more Mexican food, took a gander at 6th Street before I felt barfy, went back to the hotel and passed out before Weekend Update was over. Awesome!

This is a real, as Alex Trebek would say, hodge podge of songs. Or would he say potpourri. Or maybe potent potables. Whatevs. I listen to weird shit. Oh, and I'm not linking quite yet. I'm kind of curious to know if anyone checks them out from this post. It takes a long time to find them since I'm not smart enough to know how to do it myself. I know, hard to imagine me not smart enough. I know. Top played in bold.

Buena - Morphine: Come on, how can you not like Morphine? The band and the controlled substance?

Spanish Teeth - Robbers on High Street: Coming to the Opolis!

Deseret - Cass McCombs: This is so supremely bizarre. I like his stuff more with every listen.

Mockingbird - Grant Lee Buffalo: This one goes well with cars and driving.

Jazz - A Tribe Called Quest

The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson: Is this that Old Navy sweater commercial song? Yeah, it is. Wanna fight? I'm a girl. Blow me.

Right Moves - Josh Ritter: I'm really, really taking a liking to this guy.

Under The Blacklight - Rilo Kiley: Whatever. I'm in love.

I Feel So Good - Richard Thompson: I can't explain why I like this song. It borders on awful.

Don't You Evah - Spoon: Ok. I won't.

Ambulance - TV on the Radio: I never tire of this. Haunting.

Quantum Theory - Jarvis Cocker: I would totally let him waste my time.

Deadbeat Club - B-52s: I am a founding member.

All Things That Go To Make Heaven and Earth - The New Pornographers: Challenger is growing on me by the second.

Down The Line - Jose Gonzalez: His voice is hypnotic! I'm hypnotized right now!

Heaven of my Heart - Jim White: I don't even know how I acquired this song. It's kind of like something my mom would like.

There you have it. Another crap post brought to you by the fine people at the Bee-Spot.

Friday, October 26, 2007

It's Friday, I'm in Love*

with the moon. Have you seen it lately? Frickin' ginormous. It followed me to work this morning, shining argent** opposite the sun. I'll follow it to Texas tonight, maybe silver, but hopefully luminous and gold, close enough to touch.

Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra
(I joke about wanting "Don't Stop Believing" to be my wedding song, but really, I'd like this one. It's my favorite Sinatra song by far - a simple declaration and a simple request - also, I can't believe the horn section. Holy Crap! And, I'm a dork.)

Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Harvest Moon - Neil Diamond
who knows if the moon's - e.e. cummings
Goodnight Moon - Margaret Wise Brown
Landscape with Couple Walking and Crescent Moon
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*I swear I posted this on Friday, I have no idea why it didn't go up.
**See that M5K? Improperly used, yes, but used nonetheless.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Story about work #4,592.7

I have this coworker. She's from Malaysia. She's dear. English is not her first language, obvs. She says v's as w's. Th's as t's. Every morning she greets me, "Good morning, blyt." Because it is morning and because I have been awake since 5.55am and have suffered through one hour of traffic while listening to possibly the worst morning show on the radio in the entire country, I hear this: "Good morning, blight." Why yes, yes I am.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I just remembered I have a blog and stuff!

In recent weeks it has become evident that Cringesday is no longer serving its purpose as "funny" or "cathartic" and is bordering on "pathetic," "boring" or "unreadable." Therefore, it has been discontinued until further notice, which I expect to be never. Perhaps it is time to reinstate Goulet Wednesday News Round Up (see sample), especially since the namesake is currently awaiting a lung transplant at Cedars-Sinai (NATURE!), you know, to honor him. In the meantime, let me regale you with the real goings on at the Bee-Spot.

  • I found out that the EXBF with Blythe 2.0 (the GF he wrangled a mere minutes after crushing my heart then mixing it with stinging salt to form a sad paste) in tow have moved to New Hampshire. My reaction? I emailed him wishing him well. Or so I think. I'm afraid to check my sent messages for fear that I accidentally wished him hell.
  • A certain blogger has it out for Saint Stoops. I'd just like to post a little reminder about last week's game. It wasn't pretty, I'll give you that, but it was a win. Just saying.
  • I'm going to Austin this weekend. Ideas? Questions? Comments? Concerns? There are tentative plans, but any input to maximize awesomeness would be appreciated.
  • Tonight, I got all geared up for a long walk with my dog. As soon as I opened the front door, Claire pulled me all the way down to the bottom of the driveway and I was jogging to keep up. So I just kept going. For two miles. It was awesome! Also, The Hold Steady is amazing running music. I might do this more often.
  • I have a job. I know. Hard to imagine. I have a desk. A desk with ample space for bull crap officey type stuff, but I refuse to junk it up with Beanie Babies and cacti. I do have a frame. Sadly, it remains empty as there's nothing appropriate with which to fill it. This is where you come in.

  • Food of the day: carmelized onion, goat cheese, grape tomato (w/pepper and olive oil) quesadillas I made for my dad and I with an arugula salad with lemon juice, olive oil and shaved parm.
  • TV of the day: They totally had a sing along to "Birdhouse In Your Soul" on Pushing Daisies tonight. Sweet! (Not to put too fine a point on it.)
  • Song of the day: Can I Kick It? - A Tribe Called Quest (and yes, you can)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

It's really not funny,

but what if Hollywood and Malibu and the OC or wherever the rich and famous people that don't live in New York or on a ranch in Taos or Whistler and drive a Prius except to premiers when they take private jets and ride in Hummer limos totally burned down? What if there were celebrity refugees like displaced Katrina victims? See, I told you, not funny. But sort of. Like what if Lauren Conrad had to come live at my house while she waits for FEMA money to replace her Louboutin shoe and wide headband collection? Obvs, hilarity would ensue. Or what if Jennifer Aniston came to reside in the Benson household. She'd have to eat my mom's hashbrown casserole and she couldn't throw it up because of our faulty plumbing. Ha. But seriously, fire isn't funny. I'll admit something. It was high school before I could light a candle (and shuffle cards, I'm a late bloomer, so sue me). Once, I remember my dad was trying to make his own tortilla chips in our battered toaster oven. As the flames licked the underside of our kitchen cabinets and with the fire alarm blaring, I gathered up my pet mouse in her traveling cage, an assortment of clothes and stack of R.L Stine books and headed out into the yard awaiting the fire trucks. I would not go back inside for hours.

Friday, October 19, 2007

It's Friday, I'm in Love: The "Let me tell you somethin'" Edition.

There's this show on the TV. It's called Friday Night Lights. Maybe you've heard of it. I'm not going to lie, last season I was way too busy silently crying during Grey's Anatomy and working on my Lost flowchart to take notice of this superb show. It's truly a great show. Perhaps the best on TV right now. Bold, yes (but do remember, Sopranos, Six Feet Under and co. are all of the air). Now, in the words of Coach Taylor, "let me tell you" why this show is so great. Hailing from the great state of Oklahoma means a few things: 1) an undying love for Garth Brooks, even after the Chris Gaines debacle, 2) that mandatory elementary school trip to the Cowboy Hall of Fame and 3) the omnipresence of football, including high school ball. I am not from small town Oklahoma. I'm from third largest city Oklahoma (Norman, clocking in with 100k folks when OU's in session), but my extended family comes from towns scattered across the western half of the state just like Dillon, TX (in fact, one half is from Hollis, which is practically Texas). My pageant winning, cheerleader cousin married the quarterback, that sort of thing. I have an idea of what football culture in the south is like. Also, my dad was a band director for over 20 years, so I had my hearing damaged by marching bands by the time I was in elementary school. Blah blah blah, my point is FNL brilliantly captures the unreasonable expectations placed on high school football programs, the players and their leadership by struggling communities facing changing values. Taylor is constantly navigating the grey area between right and winning at home and on the field. His wife is hot. Riggens is sullen and dreamy. Saracen's adorable. Landry's the hilarious poor man's Matt Damon. It's not a glossy couture fest like Desperate Housewives, or sapalong like Grey's, a tard convention like Boston Legal or a solve an insanely ridiculous crime in one hour show. It's people acting like people. Refreshing. Everyone's too goo looking to be realistic, of course, but chicks are pretty hot in Texas. It's true. The moral of this post is that if you're not already, Netflix the first season, TiVo a season pass for the second and get busy. You can thank me later.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

For you (Shain).

In which I discover that my former Chinese study buddy has a band featured on blogs and stuff

I am obsessed with near celebrity. Completely and absolutely. Where most people have places in their brains to remember birthdays and car keys, I remember the time I was on the same ferry back from Martha's Vineyard as Steven Tyler or that Lacey is flipping off Ben Folds on his DVD cover and that C-tina was once on Lingo and won a bunch of stuff and that the exbf met Clinton and Holly Hunter on the same day. So, color me shocked and pleased when I open up trusty stereogum to find that the Quit Your Day Job feature focuses on one of my college classmates! Chances are, she doesn't remember me all that well, but we spent probably 20 hours a week together divising, memorizing and then performing Chinese dialogues for Zhao Laoshi at the alma mater during sophomore year. We had several sleepless nights downing chicken nuggets (actually, that was just me) and guzzling stolen soda in the dining hall. We had massive paper cut injuries from thousands of flash cards. I think we also took a class about How Poems Mean in East and West with possibly the best professor I ever had, but I probably didn't go. I doubt she did either. In any case, best of luck to Elisa and Pete of the Magik Markers. Check 'em out! However, it's not my kind of music, per se, but I'm open minded. Sometimes.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Cringesday: I am a d-bag edition.

Since this is a judgement free safe space*, I feel like I can really be honest in my admission of extreme ultimate douchiness. Actually, it's not that bad. I'm a "sweet" "person" for the most part. Sweet like a chocolate chip cookie from Subway that's fallen between the cracks of your car seat, lost to the elements, beginning to mold. I will profusely thank strangers for holding my place in the insanely long grocery store line because I forgot to grab another 12 pack of Diet Coke Plus, but I will know you for the better part of 10 years and forget your birthday. I have a sack full of gifts at the foot of my bed just waiting to be shipped to long lost friends. What am I waiting for? I have no idea. You will tell me I look nice and I will reply, "really?" or "are you suffering from hysterical blindness?" I will look at you like you showed up for a PETA meeting in a veal suit. I overlook all of the little things. I will get a piece of glass stuck in my foot, you will retrieve a band-aid and alcohol swab, take my dirty foot, swab and bandage while I continue to lecture you about Shakti and yonis or some useless shit without skipping a beat. I will ask you to dinner, but then forget to check my phone to see if you've responded, meanwhile making other plans because I think you've forgotten me. Basically, my awesomeness knows no bounds. But I will try to be better. Do better.

*This is, of course, categorically untrue.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Zack Harrison Memorial Music Tuesday: I'm Rick Steves, bitch! Edition.

Just when you think I'm cool like Rick James, bam! I'm not. I'm a nerd with bad taste in shorts like Rick Steves. Don't know who Rick Steves is? Well, we'd probably not be friends in real life. And not because I wouldn't want to. Have I told you that I had to wear headgear in middle school? This week's list is dedicated to music I would liken to Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Dinner. It makes me happy and is filling about as long as a commercial break during The Hills (so anywhere from 3 to 26.4 minutes). Oh, also, look these up yourself at or I don't gots time to find the links for you because I'm too busy scavenging for various materials and rogue office garments with which to warm myself in the igloo that is my cube.

Judge me.

Don't Change Your Plans For Me - Ben Folds

Love You Madly - Cake

The General - Dispatch

Satellite - Guster

Bag Lady - Erykah Badu

Inaudible Melodies - Jack Johnson

Power of Two - Indigo Girls

Fidelity - Regina Spektor

Just A Ride - Jem

Golden Days - The Damnwells

King Without A Crown - Matisyahu

Never Is A Promise - Fiona Apple

Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie

Birdhouse In Your Soul - They Might Be Giants

Heavy Metal Drummer - Wilco

Everything's Wonderful - Lily Allen

Kind of like commercial indie adult easy listening, huh. Yup. I'm that cool.

Oh. I forgot to mention that there are shows happening. Come with me, seriously! Or check out for more info.

In the OK:
10/17 - Black Mountain @ The Opolis
10/19 - Hosty Duo @ VZDs
10/21 - Caribou @ The Opolis
10/23 - Dr. Dog @ The Opolis (w/ Apollo Sunshine and Delta Spirit)
10/24 - Peelander-Z @ The Consvervatory
11/12 - Architecture in Helsinki @ The Opolis
11/16 - Modest Mouse @ Lloyd Noble
11/25 - Peter Bjorn and John - Cain's Ballroom
12/9 - Dinosaur Junior - Diamon Ballroom
In the Big D:
10/20 - Old 97s @ The Granada
10/25 - Bishop Allen @ The Granada
11/2 - Will Hoge & The Avett Brothers @ The Granada (thanks Beau!)
11/3 - Shout Out Louds @ The Granada
11/4 - Of Montreal @The Granada
11/14 - The Hold Steady w/Art Brut @ Palladium Ballroom
11/24 - Peter Bjorn and John @ Palladium Ballroom
12/10 - Iron and Wine @ Palladium Ballroom

Friday, October 12, 2007

It's Friday, I'm in Love

with my great taste. Seriously, folks, I am good.

Read The Year of Living Biblically, A.J. Jacobs - say what you will, but this looks exceedingly interesting. Plus, I love him.

Reread The Grass Is Singing, Doris Lessing. I first read this book in high school. It spoke to me. Don't know why. Maybe because high school left me feeling like a lonely South African failed farmer? Probably.

TiVo Pushing Daisies - quirky, darling, smart; kind of like me, so of course I like it. Also, both Kristen Chenowith and Lee Pace are from the OK. Runner up: Dirty Sexy Money - because Peter Krause is, well, hot.

Podcast This American Life; How to Talk to Kids - this episode is one of my recent favorites, especially the last act.

Eat Trader Joe's Mexican Corn Tortilla Chowder - I miss it so much. It comes in a lovely jar. Pour one out for me.

Wear cardigans - it's fall! That means cardigans! Yay!

Listen to Our Way To Fall - Yo La Tengo. This is tangling my heartstrings.

Check out the 2007 Centennial Oklahoma Regatta - what else are you going to do?

Cheer for OU as they clobber Missouri, I hope - 5.30 CST. Look for me on the Jumbotron.

Put this on your face - Clinique High Impact Mascara and Smashbox Eyelights (in Beam). I am a make up tard, but these are two essentials for fall. I haven't screwed up yet. I mean, more than usual.

Blog - courtesy of Mr. Shain, of course.

Cringe - Britney's new album. Remember how great "Toxic" was? Also, I'd be a "Slave 4 U."

Drink Fat Tire. Of course, it's not available here. Doesn't mean it's not delicious. Mmm.


Ok, that's all for now.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Dumbass - OU/Texas - Rilo Kiley - Car Sadness - General Malaise

Sometimes, I do very dumb things. I am always sorry when I do.

OU beat some Texass. It was pretty sweet. Not gonna lie, I was totally worried there for a little bit, but then I drank 10,000 beers and make some stellar guacamole and it was all ok. Yay!

Then I went to a Rilo Kiley show. The first opening band was something I've already forgotten, but The Bird and the Bee followed, for which I had high expectations. Terrible! They do not translate well into a live show. Finally, Rilo Kiley appeared after taking six hours to check all of their instruments 4,000 times. And it was awesome. Although it's sadly not possible, Julie, I too want to have Jenny Lewis' babies. She's ridiculously sensual, but totally commanding and musically credible as a performer. They played a lot from the new album, but some old stuff too as well as some solo Blake Sennett and a lovely rendition of "Rise Up With Fists" from Rabbit Fur Coat. Overall, I was totally satisfied, especially with the encore which was a heartbreaking "Does He Love You." My concert going companion was not so impressed, but he'll come around. I know it. No one can not love them some Jenny her tights and sexy, velvety baton twirler outfit. You can read a more detailed review HERE. [Yes, I am not smart enough to figure out how to do that fancy after the jump thing or blah blah blah blog stuff, so I just posted it on one of my dead blogs. Pretty awesome, huh.]

The worst part about this weekend was that, for whatever reason, the speakers in my sweet ass old lady ride ('99 dolphin grey Toyota Camry) decided to stop working. There's nothing scarier than a three hour drive in total silence along I-35N at 10.30pm. I had a lot of time to discuss my recent breakup with myself, and kind of like Elaine and Puddy on that fateful transatlantic post vacation flight with vegetable lasagna, we broke up then got back together several times. Right now, I'm not sure where I stand because I'm not returning my calls since I left my charger in Texas.

Then, today, I had a "retreat" at work, well, not at work, with coworkers elsewhere about work. I left having an allergy attack and feeling like basically, everything that sucks is my fault. Sweet. While I was driving home in silence, I had this strange scene flash in my head - something I guess my subconscious thought would make me happy. When the exbf and I first brought Zealand (former dog) back to MA as a puppy, we wanted to make sure he was trained to follow us without a leash, so we walked him every night, sans leash. Now I'm having this vision of the exbf and I, bundled up with probably only our eyes showing, skidding around on ice and snow covered sidewalks, holding hands, holding onto each other, with four month old Zealand walking so carefully right between us. We were just walking. So happy with our new puppy. I'm not sure why I thought this would make me happy. All I am now is sad.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

It's Saturday, I'm in Love

because Friday did that thing where someone goes, 'hey, what's on your shoes' and then punches you in the face or something. First of all, I was out of oatmeal. Bad news bears. Secondly, I'd finished the last of my Diet Coke Plus 12 pack Thursday, third(ly) my lovely work studies bailed on me leaving early for Fall Break, which left me to do my job all alone with no lunch. WTF? I left for lunch at 4.30. That's when my mom called and told me I'd be meeting her for dinner at exactly 5, because she'd had a horrible day, needed a drink and needed someone to drive her home. Great. Although I enjoyed my expensive margarita (never frozen, never made from a mix, that's just wrong), my buzz was punctuated with poignant old family chestnuts like "you never support me," "why are you never on my side," and "you don't love me because you never support me and are never on my side" when Mom was describing the trials and tribulations that come with being a professional tween wrangler. I feel for her, I do, but I try to help when I guess what she really wants is for me to shut up, nod and order another round. Lesson learned. The point of this is that Friday sucked. I'm trying again today, although today has HUGE potential suck factor because today is THE OU/TEXAS GAME!!!!!

Oh yes. The game so big and ugly it can't be played in the hometown of either team. Also, it's the biggest rivalry and game of the conference, I would argue, so sure, Oklahoma, let Texas gain all the profit of your hard work. Dallas needs more money, Lord knows. Anyway, I have a bad feeling about this. You will all hate me, but I think getting our nuts ripped off by Colorado will have not an invigorating effect, but rather, I think it's a slippery slope to OSU land from here (although, OSU is playing A&M for the Big 12 South title today because we're retarded and lost). Anyway, I have a bad feeling. Or maybe it's just about the traffic. You see, in my infinite wisdom, I have decided to drive to Dallas, not for the game per se (because I think it would be heartbreaking, also, I don't have $1500 for a ticket and my cast iron liver is more porcelain these days) but because Rilo Kiley's playing. Yay! You may hate on Under The Blacklight, but I'm into it. Also, I have a mad crush on Jenny, just like everyone else. I'm on my way soon, but probably only to spend six maddening hours in traffic, and miss the beginning of the game, because I am smart like that. So, friends, since I don't ask much of you, please please please do whatever you do to make sure your team wins, but replace your team with OU. K? Thx.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

It's not me, it's me.

I've got a secret to reveal. You might be shocked to know that I've been in a relationship for some time now. It started off really sweetly - you know, just hanging out, laughing, liking ALL the same things, blah blah blah - it was amazing, I was in love. But recently, I dunno, I'm just not feeling it. Things are kind of getting a little stale. For example, the other night, we went to bed at 9.38pm and we were happy about it. Last night, we hung out and did laundry while drafting a spreadsheet of our fall TV viewing schedule and balancing the books to see if we can afford the 80 hour TiVo. (Seriously, how am I supposed to watch all of this? Contenders are: Lost, Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, Weeds, Dexter, Tell Me You Love Me, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Office, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, Cash Cab, Tim Gunn's Style Guide, South Park, Everything on the Food Network, The Sarah Silverman Program and of course, According to Jim.). Right, anyway, I'm bored. Restless. We never go out anymore. I mean, we go out, but it's just not the same because you always have to be home early because you have a "job" now or something. And we're constantly disagreeing over my drinking limit. We never do anything fun anymore, unless you count internet research about which kind of multi-vitamin I should be taking or silently reading back issues of Newsweek at Panera Bread over a bowl of French onion soup on a rainy Thursday night. Basically, this isn't working for me anymore - and I hate to do this in public, but, self, we're breaking up. I think we need some time to remember what brought us together in the first place. I'm pretty sure it was excess booze, loose morals, cream sauces and Let's take this time apart to remember why we were together, ok? It's really important to me that we stay friends. I really care about you. Ok, good talk.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Zack Harrison Memorial Music Monday: Look outside - it's fall(!) edition.

Today is October 1. This means several things. Pumpkin themed beers (that you can't get in Oklahoma), crisp days and cool nights (well, anywhere but Oklahoma - it's still in the 80s here), and the promise of a victory each Saturday afternoon (except in Oklahoma if you're a Sooners fan) - wait, fall fucking sucks! In honor of this season that in classic Chinese poetry represents death:

Autumn Almanac - The Kinks (Dan)
I Got Drunk - Uncle Tupelo (Garrett) - interperative
Any and/or all Neko Case (Dre) - perhaps it's her red hair? she does sound like fally.
Indian Summer - Beat Happening or Luna (5 of 9er)
October - U2 (M5K)
September Morn - Neil Diamond (M5k)
Harvest Moon - Neil Diamond (me)
November Rain - GNR (me)

Ok, I didn't get too far, huh. What else? What makes a perfect fall playlist?

While you're thinking, head on over to Meg's to catch the latest episode of Blog of Love.