Tuesday, October 23, 2007

It's really not funny,

but what if Hollywood and Malibu and the OC or wherever the rich and famous people that don't live in New York or on a ranch in Taos or Whistler and drive a Prius except to premiers when they take private jets and ride in Hummer limos totally burned down? What if there were celebrity refugees like displaced Katrina victims? See, I told you, not funny. But sort of. Like what if Lauren Conrad had to come live at my house while she waits for FEMA money to replace her Louboutin shoe and wide headband collection? Obvs, hilarity would ensue. Or what if Jennifer Aniston came to reside in the Benson household. She'd have to eat my mom's hashbrown casserole and she couldn't throw it up because of our faulty plumbing. Ha. But seriously, fire isn't funny. I'll admit something. It was high school before I could light a candle (and shuffle cards, I'm a late bloomer, so sue me). Once, I remember my dad was trying to make his own tortilla chips in our battered toaster oven. As the flames licked the underside of our kitchen cabinets and with the fire alarm blaring, I gathered up my pet mouse in her traveling cage, an assortment of clothes and stack of R.L Stine books and headed out into the yard awaiting the fire trucks. I would not go back inside for hours.


5 of 9er said...

It would be sad if Magic Moutain burned down.

So@24 said...

Thank God you snagged up those Fear Street novels! I was seriously worried for a moment.

Clinton said...

Having spent some of the worst months of my life in Southern California, I'm kind of on the fence about this whole thing. I mean, I'd hate to see anyone get hurt of course... then again... if someone *has* to get burned up in a fire, it might as well be people in Southern California.

Wow, I'm a terrible person.

Mr. Shain said...

i'm glad our pain is funny. wait, was this funny?


Anonymous said...

My Malibu estate is burning and you tell jokes?! Oh wait, I don't have a Malibu estate. Carry on!

Julie_Gong said...

it's kind of funny though.

Dan said...

Funny would be hearing the Governator get on the radio like Ray Nagin did:

"This shit is serious! Get some help down here NOW!"

and having the federal government ignore him.

that would crack me up.

Also, I got a little turned on when you wrote about the flames licking the underside of your kitchen cabinets. Is that wrong?

Anonymous said...

Dude, I totally remember you, and even read your blog! Hehe. You're not THAT forgettable.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Homeless celebs would be HILARIOUS!! Kato Kalin is going to shack up with Phil Spector, and before you know it, Kato's dumbass is testifying under oath again.

blythe said...

9er - i wouldn't know. i was never taken because my parents don't love me.

so@24 - i know! i forgot that avi books, though. pity.

clinton - !! you know, we say the same thing about texas.

mr. shain - we? what we? you're from oklahoma, buddy.

sru - malibu estates are for suckers anyway. who needs them?

julie - kind of is the key phrase.

dan - it's never wrong. you should know that by now.

auronymous - hi!! glad to know i'm not too forgetable. hope all is well up there. watch over our little g-diddy for me.

dr. k - you are so right. it's going to be awesome and maybe the boost that E needs to get back on top of the ratings.