Thursday, October 04, 2007

It's not me, it's me.


I've got a secret to reveal. You might be shocked to know that I've been in a relationship for some time now. It started off really sweetly - you know, just hanging out, laughing, liking ALL the same things, blah blah blah - it was amazing, I was in love. But recently, I dunno, I'm just not feeling it. Things are kind of getting a little stale. For example, the other night, we went to bed at 9.38pm and we were happy about it. Last night, we hung out and did laundry while drafting a spreadsheet of our fall TV viewing schedule and balancing the books to see if we can afford the 80 hour TiVo. (Seriously, how am I supposed to watch all of this? Contenders are: Lost, Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money, Weeds, Dexter, Tell Me You Love Me, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Office, 30 Rock, How I Met Your Mother, Cash Cab, Tim Gunn's Style Guide, South Park, Everything on the Food Network, The Sarah Silverman Program and of course, According to Jim.). Right, anyway, I'm bored. Restless. We never go out anymore. I mean, we go out, but it's just not the same because you always have to be home early because you have a "job" now or something. And we're constantly disagreeing over my drinking limit. We never do anything fun anymore, unless you count internet research about which kind of multi-vitamin I should be taking or silently reading back issues of Newsweek at Panera Bread over a bowl of French onion soup on a rainy Thursday night. Basically, this isn't working for me anymore - and I hate to do this in public, but, self, we're breaking up. I think we need some time to remember what brought us together in the first place. I'm pretty sure it was excess booze, loose morals, cream sauces and TMZ.com. Let's take this time apart to remember why we were together, ok? It's really important to me that we stay friends. I really care about you. Ok, good talk.

19 comments:

Julie_Gong said...

I think I might break up with myself soon too. Friends...

5 of 9er said...

Oh... the cream sauces seem to always follow the loose morals. Uh, that sounded kinda pervy - sorry about that.

G said...

See? You should talk to me more about posting ideas. I'm full of good ones, just like I'm full of good Halloween costume ideas. And full of bile. That too.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Makes sense. We were totally over after this whole Blog of Love fiasco anyway.

Peter DeWolf said...

I have an 80 hr DVR.

It'll change your life.

JHC said...

I feel you, Blythe?

CrimeNotes said...

Through most of this, I thought it was about you and Mr. Shain.

blythe said...

julie - we could go out with each other?

5 of 9er - i doubt you are sorry. which is ok with me.

g - yeah, but no one is commenting, which means i should've broken up with my blog, not myself. want to have virtual halloween?

cherry - bitter much?

peter - bitter much? oh no. see cherry, peter's a good sport. also, in my former life, i had that 80 hour bad boy and it did change my life, though not as much as the shins. or zach braff.

jhc - i feel you, too?

TK said...

Wait... "According to Jim"?

Some things I simply cannot forgive.

blythe said...

crimenotes - no. unfortunately, my relationship with shain was forged in hell and is thus unable to be torn asunder. unless by the broodwich. hey-o! aqua teen reference! (this is precisely why myself and i are officially over.)

tk - and again. this is exactly why i have to break up. i only humor myself.

d said...

at least if you break up, you get to have ex-sex. which is always fun.

French Onion Soup said...

So does this mean we're over as well?

Mr. Shain said...

one of the better posts i've read in a while.

note to self: start reading better blogs

So@24 said...

I've been thinking the same thing lately. I don't want to be an adult yet, I'm not ready to give up my college life style!

In the words of Rob Thomas, "Why won't the real world, just stop hasselin' me?"

Michael5000 said...

Usually when you get this kind of speech, it's not that your self is really, honestly exploring change. It's that your self has already hooked up with another identity.

N said...

Did someone really quote Rob Thomas on your blog... clearly I need to reconsider my subscription.

Alex said...

i thought this was about lacey. that would have been disappointing.

blythe said...

d - i had not thought of that. energizer should thank you.

FOS - never! in the immortal words of dolly parton, i will always love you. because you are topped with cheese.

mr shain - remember what it's like to write a blog? no? hmm...

so@24 - you're young. there's still time. to like other bands besides rob thomas - i can only assume that was irony.

m5k - sshhh! no one knows that!

n - dude, meta irony. check it.

alex - never! lacey is my hetero life mate! we have rings and everything!

Annie said...

This was awesome.