Monday, August 06, 2007

So, uh, about that...

As you might or might not know, yesterday was the day I turned the big 2-6. I spent the day doing boring shit (e.g. making fried tofu, reading my Mao biography, staring at the Sunday Times thinking about how I should read it but then getting bored with myself for thinking about that) then napped like I've never napped before. Epic drool. It was lovely. Then, I put on a dress (I know, big time for the Bee-Spot!) and used my new crease brush to make myself look like I got punched in the eyes in an effort to look "sexy." I think I ended up looking methy - which is close. Finally, Lacey and I were ready to head out for a lavish dinner. And boy, was it lavish. Our darling waiter hooked us up with some lovely blueish martinis that Lacey drank two of - big deal time! We feasted on lobster, crab cakes, spinach and wedge salads, then I got the salmon and L got the filet. Our sides were sauteed corn and creamed spinach. And creamed pants. So effing good I wanted to kill myself! But I didn't. Next I was off to The Deli where I was serenaded by my favorite song, "My Ho Drives A Big Red Car," which was thoughtfully requested especially for me. Thanks. I then proceeded to drink my weight in Pacifico. I hippie danced like a tard. I got hippie hugged by a sweaty (but hot) dreadlocked chick with a fake British acccent. I peed 800 million times and made best friends in the bathroom. L and I took shitty pictures. I ran into an old high school friendish whom I hadn't seen in forever. I screamed along to "Level" (Raconteurs) all the way home. Speaking of home, I made it back with my earrings, underwear and whatever modicum of dignity I have left in general. And that's when it happened. C-tina promised me a slide show of a gift (yes, we are weird like that and more than likely, you'll see it on Wednesday) so I hopped online. Let me just say, milk was a bad choice. Old high school friendish had aready Facebooked me, so natch I replied to his message. I'm afraid to even look. I emailed C-tina in response to the HI-LARIOUS and touching slide show she made me with completely nonsensical ramblings. I commented on some blogs... so, uh Dan, the wedding's probably off now, huh. Do we have to return the gifts? I responded to some blogger emails - I have no idea what I said and am afraid to find out. Also, I sent some spectacular text messages to people I barely know (I am praying to the God I don't believe in that I didn't respond unkindly to the ex's text). Love me! My head is a cement mixer, but other than that, not too bad. The best gift of all was the gift of lateness this morning. I got to come in at nine! In closing, thanks for all of the b-day wishes, gifts, texts, calls, etc. Y'all are the best. Except you, Shain since you just called me an old lush. 26 is the new awesome.

Is this a Cringesday picture? No. This is why I hate having my picture taken. Ugh city. However, it was at least 12am and I was full of beer and stupid by then.

Coming up: pictures and Zack Harrison Memorial Music Monday. I'm going to feel really bad if I find out that Zack's really dead.

25 comments:

Dan said...

You promised to sleep with me on Wednesday. The wedding's still on. (possibly related question from your comment - is "the elephant walk" a sexual euphemism?)

Julie_Gong said...

I tried wishing you Happy Birthday over the weekend but my computer is a piece. So HAPPY BIRHTDAY yesterday.

dmbmeg said...

You did it up dmbmeg style.

I'm proud of you, chicken.

Mr. Shain said...

so, important details missing:

1. where did you go to dinner? red lobster? fyi - we're so making the bar at red lobstor the hipster place to go when i get back.

2. which "friends" from high school?

3. why was the section about the drunken groping redacted?

Michael5000 said...

Man, I NEVER get hugged by sweaty but hot dreadlocked chicks with fake British accents!!

I guess I need to move to Oklahoma.

Happy Birthday!

Garrett Reid said...

"Old high school friendish had aready Facebooked me, so natch I replied to his message. I'm afraid to even look. I emailed C-tina in response to the HI-LARIOUS and. . ."

Is it me or 26 way different than 31? Because I don't know what any part of that sentence means.

JebusHChrist said...

Your internets need a breathalyzer.

JebusHChrist said...

Wait, that wouldn't work because then you'd NEVER be able to post. Maybe it could just be activated after 10pm? That'd be kinda cool. I can see you drunkenly pawing away at your keyboard at 9:59 desperately trying to add just 1 more non sequitur comment on someone's blog. This needs to happen.

dmbmeg said...

[shaking head at garrett]

Garrett Reid said...

What did I do?

blythe said...

dan - that was me trying to think of a landmark boston restaurant where you would take the parents. hey, for 3am, not bad.

julie - thanks!

dmbmeg - NYC here i come!

mr. shain - 1. mahogany, and yes, the bar at red lobster will be ours! 2. you don't know him. 3. how was it redacted? i'm never one to shy away from drunken groping. or any groping really.

garrett - in retrospect, i don't either. geeeez, i sound like a tard.

jebus - i get it. thanks for the bloggervention.

garrett - you know what you did. actually, a little bird told me that i still can't figure out how you know forward foods guy.

Mr. Shain said...

uhm, lets be frank, you love that picture of yourself, that's why you posted it here.

JebusHChrist said...

I like it too.

chuckdaddy2000 said...

26... You better live it up b/c 27 is when your inner rock star dies (that's when Jimmy Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Ji Morrison, and Janice Jopline died).

I'm about to turn 33, which is I guess, when my inner Jesus is going to die.

blythe said...

dearest shain - please see the slide show. i think you have your arm around our friend bret. oh, and you have an eyebrow piercing. remember that?

jebus - ok, now i know you're lying.

chuckdaddy2000 - oh, you are so right. i had briefly contemplated making this the year where i "grow up" by doing "grown up" things like "working" and "saving money" and "attending AA meetings," but you've got a good point there. just don't let your inner jebus die.

worst.joke.ever.

dmbmeg said...

shain stop being an assface.

JebusHChrist said...

I guess I agree with Mr. Shain then.

Annie said...

I second Shain, because i do the same exact thing. There were clearly at least 7 not-as-good shots somewhat resembling that one that you ignored in favor of that one.

Don't worry, it means you're awesome. Happy birthday!

blythe said...

dmb - assfaces! let's make t-shirts.

jebus - i don't know why i'm so skeptical. oh right. because i look like a sweaty, lipless, bloated comedic chipmunk in that picture. in my defense, it was seriously at least 95 degrees in there

annie - awesome-o!

JebusHChrist said...

That's why I like it! I don't think you look bloated.

d said...

i like the picture too.

happy b-day.

JebusHChrist said...

d - be prepared to be doubted.

blythe said...

i think it's a condition i have. i just can't like any pictures of myself, yet i continue to take them to document that at one point in my life i was having a good time and by good time i mean drinking and sweating and looking like a chipmunk - which are sort of cute, in a rodenty kind of way.

JebusHChrist said...

Can we all just agree that you're hot and move on? Agreed?
Good.

G said...

This is a very cute picture of you, B-diggle. You look like you've lost a ton of weight--is it Mom's home cookin' or have you recently discovered the joys of bulimia? Tasty!

I kid because I love.