Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I might be almost dead.

There is a blood drive today at my fair university. I decided to patriotic or whatever and donate. I got all psyched about juice boxes, stickers, pretzels and free t-shirts only to be denied. DENIED. And not for what you think (Mongolian hookers with the hep, herp and HIV, tattoos, piercings, that lost summer in the UK between 1988 and 1996 or whatever...). No. Lady pricked my finger and spun my blood around to confirm that I have no iron. 33. whatever that means. It's supposed to be 38 or some shit. Also, my temperature was 97.4, which leads me to conclude I'm half dead. Kind of like this blog. Point is, I actually feel kind of like a failure because I couldn't give blood today. And then I found $5.

15 comments:

Jess said...

I've been able to give blood exactly once in countless attempts. Every other time I've gone my iron's been low, I just had a piercing, had cancer, got a new tattoo or God knows what else.

I tried, dammit. I tried plenty of times. But I've now given up.

You should probably spend that $5 on booze. It's the right thing to do.

Julie_Gong said...

A friend of mine in college gave blood once and then did about 10 shots of blue maui and vodka. I found her face down in a pool of green grass-like vom. I couldn't get that shit off my hand for days...

At least that didn't happen to you.

Alex said...

i dont know what that means either, but i do know that my blood is awesome as i am yet to be turned away. though i must say, college blood drives aren't nearly as rewarding as the ones we had at north. it was just another excuse to get out of class. and junior year i got to watch the little mermaid while they drew it! no big deal, just the greatest disney movie ever. you probably didn't get that type of experience because you and the aegis kids were too busy "learning." weak.

John said...

So, my buddy Tom sold his plasma once back at OSU (that's The Ohio State University) and consequently had a seizure. The best part is they decided not to pay him because he seized mid- plasma-ing and they didn't get a full dose.

TK said...

I always get nixed because of tattoos. But in college I gave plasma and that shit HURTS. Seriously.

blythe said...

jess - i know! i like to pretend that i don't weigh enough, but that's not the case.

julie - in all my years of alcoholism, i never thought of that. good one.

alex - thanks and thanks. i now have part of your world trapped in my head. i'll surely be having nightmares about ursula.

john - because i am awesome, i was thinking a plasma tv and was totally confused by your comment - perhaps the other OSU threw me off. jerks. they didn't pay him! sue them!

tk - why does plasma hurt? that was going to be my new plan for booze money.

Big Daddy said...

The one time I tried to give blood, the nurse couldn't find the vein, so she kept diggin' in both arms.

Finally she hit a vessel, but it was too late.

I blacked out from what they told me was shock.

Needless to say, I have never attempted to give blood again.

Clinton said...

They have a blood drive at my office three times a year and, if you donate, you get free movie tickets. Which a coincidence because that's EXACTLY what my blood is worth.

Also, one of my co-workers has been turned away numerous times because of the "low iron" thing. Apparently, it's a chick thing. So says her, anyway.

Dan said...

grrr - blogger errors today!

I'll try again - I agree with jess. If your blood's crap anyways, might as well thin it out with a fiver's worth of hooch.

Jeannette said...

I cant give blood either.

Because it's scary.

Alex said...

pretty freaky isn't it. or badass. i'll go with the latter, but hey, that's just my opinion.

blythe said...

big daddy - try again! you can do it. i have faith in the big daddy.

clinton - lucky bastard. proof yet again that everything's better in NY.

dan - oh, i am. never doubt me.

the rest of you, because i'm heeding dan and jess' advice, i'll talk to you later...

Beau said...

I like giving blood. But I had a friend turned away because he was so hungover they thought he had passed out from attempting to give, even though he had just walked in the door. I think he was described as "death warmed over" by one of the phlebotomists.

JHC said...

My blood is the best. I think it's because I have no soul or heart, so it runs clean. You should see it, it's really somethin'.
I have the strength of 10 men.

TK said...

Plasma hurts because they draw out a mess of blood, extract the plasma from it, and then cycle the blood BACK INTO YOUR VEIN. And that part hurts like a motherfucker.