Wednesday, August 01, 2007



Take a look at Stew's contribution here.

And, who's this? Oh, it's Julie!

Julie says: So this picture was taken in 6th grade and my gym teacher who was also the yearbook in charge lady made me wear that shirt and hang on the monkey bars. Unfortunately that is my shirt. I think it had something to do with basketball. I never played basketball. I just stole it from my Aunt. My friends still tease me about it. It's really a good time. I can't wait to be embarrassed. Yea!

p.s. blogger and i.e. are not friends (i am work where they've never heard of firefox or something), hence this post now looks like it rode the short bus today.


Hey folks. I told you it'd be back. Lest you forget, last week I posted what I thought was a horrifying picture of myself with a mullet. I realize now that this was a mistake because any picture of a five year old girl with a mullet is intrinsically cute. It's a law or something. So, friends (this term is used very loosely, of course), this week, I have decided to kill two birds while stoned. I will both embarrass myself and shed a little light on the weird relationship between Mr. Shain and I (which has been requested several times by many people, or once, or never - I don't really pay attention).

The year is 1996. The music is "Who Will Save Your Soul" by snaggle tooth Jewel and "Wonderwall" by Oasis. The movie is the re-release of Star Wars. The jeans are Guess. Awesomeness all around.

Mr. Shain and I find ourselves attending West Mid High in Norman, Oklahoma. We are in Mrs. Barse's yearbook class. I have no idea what compelled me to sign up for yearbook the previous spring, but apparently I did and there I was and Shain was the editor. I have no idea how that happened either - we've all (well, five of us) seen his typo riddled excuse of a blog. Anyway, I hate to speak ill of the dead (fine, these people aren't dead, but I haven't seen the majority of them for years), but they were mostly kind of re re (thanks Julie!). Shain and I, sensing that we were bound for the greatness we are currently living (oh, we're not?) bonded over, I don't know what, being a-holes, I guess. Bottom line, Shain has been giving me shit since 1996 and I can't seem to get enough of it.

This is Shain's "autograph" from the signature pages of the yearbook we created. Notice he takes up a whole page. Notice he writes in block letters. Notice his phone number. Call him!

Ah. The yearbook staff in all its glory. Oh, look at that girl in the striped shirt with the horrible bangs and terrible posture. Clearly, she will grow out of that ugly duckling stage and into a beautiful swan. No? She doesn't? That's unfortunate.

Now it's your turn. Send in a school picture, seventh grade journal entry, high school poem, etc. You'll feel better. I'm here for you. To laugh at you. I mean with you.


michael5000 said...

OK, I have a question in evaluating the cringieness of this: at the time, did you understand the sentence "Model U.N. will ROCK next year!" to be, like, ironic? Or did he really think that Model U.N. was going to rock?

JebusHChrist said...

awwwwwwwwww! You're cute again.

blythe said...

michael - oh, we thought MUN was going to rock. and it usually did. it meant 3 days of no school and hanging out with college kids. it was totally sweet and awesome. we popped like one million boners. (this is only funny if you speak ninja - i apologize)

jebus - you're blind! this explains so much. or does it? it's too early for me to really know. ugh. work. oh, also, you said something about a sidebar or some such nonsense and i check like every 2 minutes and nothing so i'm starting to believe that all of this "you're cute" business is lies too. just sayin.'

Julie_Gong said...

If I remember I will bring in the picture from my 6th grade yearbook that people still make fun of me for. It will be neat. We all can have a good ole laugh.

stewpid said...

Omg Model UN bwhahahahahahahah you guys are such DORKS.

I mean, Lithuania would like to present a point of order that you all are SUCH DORKS. Also, I'd like to present a resolution that Lithuania be declared A MAJOR FOX and that we all buy her presents.

I don't remember Robert's Rules, as you can see, and I was never Lithuania. In fact, in what passed for humor among us racist teenagers, our school frequently chose "Niger." We hated being stuff like France because then you had to know stuff and be prepared to talk.

That is all. Nerd out.

Colleen said...

Cringeworthy high-school era stuff rules. Hell, I've done this kind of thing (read from my high school journal) on stage, in the show Mortified.

Christopher said...

It's a slow work day, I'm cruising the blogger circuit, I arrive at the bee-spot, and lo! You already made my Cringesday for me. Awkward memories/pictures of 1996 yearbook class. Cringesday gold.

I remember remarkably little of it. About half of the faces look familiar. Ricky quit washing his hair and bought a fender jag-stang thinking he could, indeed, be curt cobain. I listened to prince and the cure and read thomas pynchon and ayn rand. I cut off my long hair and mrs. barse almost counted me absent. I'm pretty sure that I spent most of the time wondering how to get Autumn to go out with me.

I have some great pictures from 1995-1996 but lack a scanner, so the bee-spot will have to miss out--for now.

Anonymous said...

The illustration by Mr. Shain in your yearbook is also a nice touch. I did notice the omission of the standard yearbook signing 'To a sweet girl. Don't ever change. Stay the same.'

blythe said...

julie - you've got the right idea. i expect that in my box by 5 today. thanks.

stewpid - i've never really been in love with a woman (in spite of attending a ladies college) until now.

colleen - right! is that the thing that was one TAL once? it must feel sooo good.

chris! - !!! i really don't remember much either except hanging out in the darkroom and leaving class a lot. ricky! autumn was a hot little number. candace scared the pee out of me. let's go to pinocchio's and ready the crying of lot 49.

blythe said...

sru - oh, shain would never say that because he thinks exactly the opposite.

michael5000 said...

OK, all right, Model U.N. ROCKS, one million boners, I'm starting to get the picture here.

My favorite is the quote "I decided to be in yearbook this year because I wanted to try it, and I heard it was fun." Damn, good thing y'all managed to capture THAT profound thought in 20 point type....

Beau said...

i think the worst part of that story is actually that your job was to work on the index.

blythe said...

michael - you'd have to know that chick. i'm guessing. can't really remember her.

beau - or it is the best part?

Jeff said...

Hi, this is the first time I've commented on your blog. I think. Anyway, I assumed when I read that letter that Model UN had something to do with the Spelling drama, Models Inc. until I read the comments. I guess I didn't go out much for civic duty stuff in high school.

Julie_Gong said...

Ninjas are sooooooo sweet I want to crap my pants.

Dan said...

clarification please: how many of your regular commenters were actually on that high school yearbook staff / model UN with you? I think I may have taken a wrong turn somewhere in the blogosphere and then got enchanted by the warm smile and the LSD laced broth you offered me, and now it feels like I'm waking up on a couch, fully clothed except for my pants and underwear, there's a bong on the coffee table, and your West Mid high school science teacher is sitting in a folding chair on the other side of the table, legs crossed, looking at me, smoking a pipe. Posters on the wall include the one of Einstein with his tongue out, Deniro walking down the street in Taxi Driver, A My Pretty Pony's poster, and a tasteful nude sketch. what the hell is going on in here?

In any case, I'll see if I can find the photo of me and my Nutrition Quiz Team teammates from 6th grade on our field trip to Boston for the state finals. Year was 84ish, hair was feathered, glasses covered half of my face, shirt was a green and white pinstriped deal, pants were white, winter coat was blue and puffy, team name was "Fatbusters" after popular movie at the time "Ghostbusters".

stewpid said...

I decided to blog this year because I wanted to try it, and I heard it was fun.

All of these comments are making me, yes, cringe. Cringesday ROCKS!!!!!!!!!

Dan, if you're not raising a Point of Information, you are out of order at this time. Move to declare Dan's post hellafunny. Do I have a second?

And Model UN was sooooOOOOooooo not about civic duty. It was about cute guys, full stop.

Blythe, I heart you, too. Meet me after the Security Council mini-session?

blythe said...

jeff - no worries, it's the first time i've read my blog. and yeah, MUN isn't Models Inc. but maybe it is? did you see the picture? i'm pretty modelesque. maybe not magazines or runways as much as sewing pattern packages from the early 90s in the bargain bin at wal-mart.

julie - it's like you and stewpid are the superhero versions of me.

dan- ok. point taken. so far only two kids from the ol' yearbook class have read the blog. we were like family. the family, apparently, you and i will never have if you're not down with chilling with my science teacher from 9th grade. i thought we had something special, but... ok, we still must have something special because i'm waiting for you to find and post that photo so i can blow it up and push pin it to my ceiling.

stewpid - seconded. and exactly. we all know that PGA stood for pretty good ass, not president of general assembly. and, i never got a security council country. bitches like shain got those (p.s. i can only assume he's dead since there is nothing more he like to talk about than MUN an RRs - in fact, he makes me wait to be recognized in order for me to speak to him, you know, like on the phone). once i was lebanon and on a special middle east peace committee. and then i found $5.

stewpid said...

the whole point of Model Un was really to avoid security council countries and any country experiencing any issue so that you could spend more time making pages take your notes to cute guys. Ideally, you could be a country with a funny name ("Niger") or one with famous beaches or a famous alcohol export. wait, why am I telling you this? you KNOW this.

Poor Shain! Move to declare a moment of silence for dead Shain. So I have a second? No? for REAL?? No one? Oh, well, ok. Moving on.

Here's my Cringesday pic -- I found it among my late great aunt's things. I don't know who it is. For reals. I used to have it up in my fancy-ass office in fancy- ass New York and I used to deadpan tell people it was my family. Why? Because I thought that was funny. Why? Because I am retarded.¤t=unknown.jpg

Dan said...

I'm ok with chillin with your science teacher now. He gave me an oversized map of Niger to cover myself with and now we're playing chess and discussing Kant and kant [sic].

dmbmeg said...

I'm totally calling that number and heavy breathing at Shain now.

michael5000 said...

OK, I've decided to join the cringeing because I want to try it, and I hear it is fun.

When I read this post last night, I dug up the yearbook that ~I~ edited ("The Tiger 1986") and found the autograph page. Three people had written on it. One was from a dude. My girlfriend had written the word "stud" next to a picture of me in strangely tiny little letters. The last one was from Molly, who if memory serves was totally hot. It starts "I don't know you very well!"

I'd scan all this and submit it properly, but, you know, it's mostly white space. The funny thing is, I feel just as humiliated now as I did 21 years ago. But it's a good shame.

Beau said...

Sometimes those pages betrayed the trust of For Costa Rica's Eyes Only (the one in the black miniskirt) and the note from one the esteemed Chinese delegates gets read aloud to the entire assembly. The note read:
"I've got your espionage in my pants."
The author was not me but must remain nameless to not invoke another Tiananman Square incident. This was not something that needed to be read aloud.

stewpid said...

omg that so explains why Costa Rica invaded China.

Let it be known to the entire Assembly that Djibouti has a nice booty.

blythe said...

stew - you are inside my head! do i have permission to post, or would you prefer it to remain a link?

dan - fantastic. the wedding's back on.

dmbmeg - you'll probably get his dad, but he's cooler anyway.

michael - yes!!!! people are catchin on! love t.

beau - i vaguely remember that. i know once, c-tina and i had our speaking rights revoked. i, of course, blame joe and danny. but i blame joe for everything. such good times! except one time, derrik ott licked the bottom of my foot under the little desk thingies. we were thailand that year. so young, so naive.

stew - i would so have a MUN dedicated blog. i would so have it. now.

CrimeNotes said...

The only thing cringeworthy here is that Mr. Shain screwed up the you're/your distinction. You come across perfectly fine.

A good friend and I co-edited our yearbook. Virtually unsupervised, it turned into an Onion-type exercise; in the process we settled scores with various administrators, teachers and classmates who we simply did not like. I pulled it off the shelf a few months ago, and it made me laugh and laugh.

stewpid said...

please, post away.

so now the co-blogs we will someday author are:

- Orange bejewelled skanks
- He's Just Not That Into Your Mullet
- Model UNmasked

Until recently, I had a stash of actual Model UN notes among my crap in the garage. I may already have donated them to the Smithsonian, I have to check.

The wedding's back on? Dammit, I already puked jello shot puke all over the seafoam bridesmaid halterdress I "bought" (shoplifted) from Forever 21. Sigh. Off to the mall again.

stewpid said...

ps MY senior yearbook features many, many photos of my best friend and her secret lover, our math teacher. He had a perm.

Thank fucking God I am as old as I am now. I would not revisit that shitstorm for all the gold in Djibouti. (Does Djibouti have gold??? I was too busy passing notes to check.)

stewpid said...

k wait here's a better path

Siobhlogger said...

Your profile in that picture kind of reminds me of one of the sisters from 7th Heaven circa 1996.

(Tim Layne) the Homeless Blogger said...

Out of all of the blogs I read and all of their features, this is my new favorite. You were not nearly as awful as you think you were. Not at all.

blythe said...

CN - post that thing! don't deprive us, yo.

stew - i'm probably going to be at F21 tonight (since it's wednesday and i go everyday), so i'll pick you up smething real nice for the wedding. you trust me, right? your comments deserve their own post, but i'm braindead at the moment. forgive me.

siobhlog - yes, yes, beverly mitchell. beverly + melissa joan heart + kirsten dunst = me. CALL ME LADY! or i will post a picture of you, cringesday style.

tim - why thank you. i think.

Mr. Shain said...

sorry i missed the comment party, i've been in the office bathroom throwing up all day.

stewpid said...

ugh, Mr. Shain, that sucks. Around here, we call that "Wednesday."

Blythe, make it a size 26? Tangerine is a good color for me because it'll match my spray tan. And my teeth.

JebusHChrist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JebusHChrist said...

So this Cringesday thing is good for business, eh? I think I'll try it. I have to remember to post some humiliating/cute pictures of you next Wednesday.

The sidebar quote is coming (probably).

CrimeNotes said...

I've never worked a scanner; I've never seen a scanner; and I don't want to compound my bad karma by continuing to mock those poor kids. The only thing that would make me cringe is my own prickishness -- except that it's sort of a point of pride.

The Cajun Boy said...

i would jump off of the brooklyn bridge if any of my high school yearbook photos were to surface.

Mr. Shain said...

The only thing that would make me cringe is my own prickishness -- except that it's sort of a point of pride.

I couldn't have said it better myself crimenotes.

The [Cherry] Ride said...


Big Daddy said...

I decided to comment this year because I wanted to try it, and I heard it was fun.

Thanks for reminding me about Cringesday.

I have lots of stuff.

And oh man, my sophomore yearbook is today's equivalent of 'caption this'.