Friday, August 10, 2007

It's Friday, I'm in Love

with motherfucking summer. It's going to hit triple digits in the OKC (metro including Norman) today. I haven't experienced this kind of face melting (literally) heat in quite some time. There's nothing like getting second degree burns from your steering wheel and the sensation of knee sweat. Or everywhere sweat. Sexy. Know what I'm gonna do? After work, I'm stopping by Byron's Liquor Warehouse (sorry Sooner Spirit Shop, you are not on my way home and Byron has really been there for me the past month), picking up a six pack of something shitty because Oklahoma refuses to allow decent beer into the state instead pretending that Shiner Bock is adequate or even some kind of microbrewery favor, then heading to the park. There, I will take of my devil shoes, spread out my blanket, flop onto my belly and finish reading The Egyptologist. I will listen to Brandy Alexander on repeat. I will close my book, close my eyes, and think about nothing. Not even knee sweat.

35 comments:

Clinton said...

I know you didn't just bad mouth Shiner Bock. I KNOW YOU DIDN'T! Because if you had, you'd be dead from my eye-lazers already.

I heart Shiner Bock, madcore.

dmbmeg said...

I started sweating just from reading this post.

John said...

On the subject of perspiration; I hate the beads of sweat which form on upper lips. Lip sweat = totally non-sexy.

Dan said...

if my math is correct, and I only went to UMass so it might not be, but I believe that 6 is twice your limit.

stewpid said...

all these crazy math show-offs. This is why I drink wine. Because you don't have to count.

It's hot here too and omg I am so over lip sweat! I keep reminding myself "wipe lip" and when I do, inevitably there's a gross bunch of big fat sweat beads and it's hot and ick and yuck and blahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Shiner does in fact rule.

Matt said...

I read Prague. Was decent.

d said...

shiner is in fact NOT decent. it does not deserve to be called beer.

i would like to make a proposal: that we stop counting our adult beverages. this makes it not so much fun to partake of them. let's all just be functional alcoholics together, shall we?

there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

i think lip sweat is great. esp if it comes from doing the naked two-step.

kneepit sweat on the other hand...

blythe said...

clinton - come on. i know all about state pride. garth brooks! but seriously, the bock blows. i like the idea of it, but that's all.

dmbmeg - hopefully not on your upper lip. that seems to be very unpopular.

john - is there sexy sweat? i mean, there's sex sweat, but is that even sexy?

dan - it is, it is. i'd check your comments section later this evening if i were you.

stew - not you too! shiner? come on people!

matt - it was decent. at least. and maybe then some. it was certainly pretentious.

Clinton said...

This must be what it feels like for Christians when they hear people say bad things about Jesus.

Michael5000 said...

I, too, am in love with motherfucking summer. Tomorrow morning, I will take a newly purchased copy of "The Brothers Karamazov" (winner of the first round of my ridiculous reading list poll), walk down to extravegantly green Laurelhurst park, and be glad that it's low-80s-and-breezy. And then I'll just think about how, for the next two weeks, I'm on summer vacation. Oh my yes.

blythe said...

d - yes, the bock is bogus. but counting drinks, in my case, might not be. see, it's some sort of equation that i never understood in high school. k is directly proportional to r or some bullshit. # of drinks is directly proportional to level of retardation i sustain and inflict. if you knew me in real life, you would know. also, if you knew me, you would know i'm never going to keep count.

clinton - i've been itching for a blog fight. bring it!

michael - i voted for brothers K! i won! what do i win? no vacation for me. i guess i lose.

Dan said...

just don't say anything too mean about the pretty in pink lady. I'm fascinated with this woman's mind. I've been watching her videos all afternoon:
http://youtube.com/user/Vallerie9

JebusHChrist said...

There can be sexy sweat (and not just during sexy time). I just came in from mowing my neighbor's lawn and I've got sweat rolling down my chest. It's only sexy because I'm odorless.

Shiner Bock sucks.

blythe said...

dan - i'll have to watch it later, but i generally trust your youtube choices. generally.

jebus and apostles - so, i went to sonic for lunch today (lunch = cherry vanilla diet coke because it's too fucking hot to eat) and i had to wrap my hands in my emergency glove compartment napkins to avoid burning my fingertips off (which i am now regretting, because i have a lot of criminal activities on my to do list and having no prints would be helpful, but hey, there's always the drive home) and, what was i saying? Yes, so i'm driving with napkin hands, my sad little AC at full tilt and sweat everywhere. driving my car is apparently the equivalent of the last leg of a triathlon. but it's sexy because i'm odorless too.

JebusHChrist said...

Yes, I'm sure you're the picture of beauty, lip sweat and all.
mmmmmmm........ Sonic.......

Clinton said...

Blythe & The Rest... I'm not even lying, this is the first time in my 27 years that I've ever, and I mean EVER, encountered people who didn't like Shiner Bock. It's freaking me out a little bit, like I'm thinking of calling the cops. You guys are of course entitled to your opinion, but I don't see how anyone could think Shiner sucks. It's just so... beer-y, I guess. And delicious. It's also one of the beers I was raised on, so maybe there's some emotional attachments there too. Not to mention the fact that I lived in Austin for years, which is pretty much the wellspring of Shiner.

Whatever the case, Shiner and I will always have each other. And that's all we'll ever need.

Mr. Shain said...

i read prague, it was awful, and i even lived in budapest (despite the title the book is actually about budapest). arthur phillips was on jeopardy.

Alex said...

ok, this is insane. shiner is terrible. their seasonals are serviceable to decent, but the mainstays of bock, hefe, kolsch, and the deplorable blonde are no bueno. but, that said, people like what they like so whatever.

and blythe, i know that byran's is more convenient for you, and through those cockmongers being grandfathered in as a warehouse they can skip one mark-up, but dammit, we need you to spend your money at the shop. it goes into my pocket that way. my drinking problem thanks you.

Step Right Up said...

I heart summer and all its sunny sweatiness. I just wish I was odorless like y'all are! My friends tell me I am all the time but when I'm sweating in the blistering sun I just have that feeling like 'I'm sweating. If I'm sweating, I have to stink.' So I proceed to ask my friends several times, "Can you smell me? Do you think I stink?" The answer is always an emphatic NO with a tinge of annoyance for some reason??

stewpid said...

I stink. A ton.

The Rest said...

Clinton - Shiner sucks donkey nuts. I would rather drink nothing but piss for the rest of my life than drink Shiner ever again. It's over-priced, over-rated, and over-wrought with bad flavor.
You like it as much as you want but if you and I shall meet and you offer one to me I will slap it from your hand and kick you in the liver.

supa dupa girl said...

I will punch all of you who do not like Shiner in the kidneys when I next see you. Then we shall drink Shiner.

c said...

Nothing says "High Class" more than "Byron's Liquor Warehouse"
Chuck

blythe said...

fight! fight! fight! bock vs. well, oklahoma doesn't really have a local beer, do we?

also, c(huck) - if you're looking for class, you're totally in the wrong place. however, if you're familiar at all with byron's, then my guess is you're not all that classy yourself.

prague vs. budapest!

sweat!

Alex said...

oklahoma's local beer is Choc. and somebody brews "Rock Hard Root Beer" in the city, but that doesn't count because it sucks.

interesting story, about a month ago, CNN or one of the other ones (would have to ask big matt) went to the Choc brewery to have them in a feature they were doing on chocolate. apparently, no one did any fact checking before getting out there. god i love the every news channel.

G said...

FIFTY CENT BEERS, BLYTHE. FIDDY CENTS!!

I invite ALL of you to NYC to get wasted for $1.50 (that's THREE beers) tonight and every Friday night.

Sigh. Why are all my friends in Turkey or Oklahoma? Not fair!

JebusHChrist said...

I would rather have my kidneys permanently affixed to the outside of my body than ever drink a Shiner.
It sucks.

The Mighty Horse said...

I can handle the fact that you have personally betrayed me by purchasing your beer form another store, however, I take issue with your statement about the beer available in Oklahoma (you drank Pabst almost exclusively while you lived in Northampton!). while there is only swill in the grocery stores, our store carries around 400 different types of beer from American microbrews and beers of just about every style and flavor from around the world. If a list of all of the beers we can get in the state is necessary, tell me and I will provide one on another comment.

blythe said...

alex - i forgot about choc. perhaps for a reason?

g- COME TO OK! call it research. we'll rip this shit up. or something. whatever. it'll be fun and you can meet my dog. weeeeee!

jebus - it does suck. maybe not as much as kidney removal, but there's only one way to find out.

TMH - I JUST WANT MY MOTHEREFFING HARPOON AND MAGIC HAT BACK! call me an asshat, retard, tool, elitist, tastebudless, whatever, but i love that stuff. i want number 9. i want UFO. I WANT! also, i would take smutty nose, longtrail, victory, dogfish head, anderson valley, brooklyn brewery, anything ANYTHING but what i'm forced to consume here. i know it's not your fault. i'm not mad at you. i love you regardless of your inventory.

anyone out there who's coming from a state and will bring me any of the aforementioned, i'll do something real nice for you. like...

blythe said...

shain - can you please change your picture? i'm having nightmares.

xoxo,

B

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I liked "Prague" and that's all I have to contribute to this conversation.

Mr. Shain said...

blythe - i'll change my picture when you change your face.

xoxo,

Mr. S

Mr. Shain said...

also [cherry] book titles are either underlined or italicized, never put in quotation marks. guess you missed that rule despite your MA in English.



(wait for it)




ZING!

Big Daddy said...

Shiner's got nothing on Sunshine Wheat.

Yum.

Team Colorado!

Big Daddy said...

Oh yah, and summer can suck it.

I am ready for fall, y'all.