Regret Town, U.S.A.

There are a lot of things I regret. Most things, actually. It's weird, though, the things that stick in my head. It's not the big stuff, but these strange little-ish things that pop up every now and then.

• My dad bought me a purple My Little Pony with white daises on its butt. Then he took me to Sonic for a cherry vanilla coke. This was when I was maybe 4. I remember taking the pony and throwing it out the window, telling him she wanted to be free.
  

• About the same time, a storm blew a robin's nest out of the tree in my backyard. All of the pretty blue eggs lay cracked on the ground but one. I took it inside and tried to incubate it while watching cartoons. I broke it.
• On the killing of innocent animals theme, I was at Frontier City (shitty western themed amusement park in OKC) and was running to the Renegade Rapids ride. I slipped on something and fell. I'd run over a frog.
• In high school, I was a total bitch to my English teacher and had no problem letting her know it. Once she asked me if I didn't like her. I looked at her like she was crazy. Of course I like you, I said.
• When I was about 10, I had the stomach flu and my dad bought me an easy bake oven as a distraction, I suppose. A weird distraction for someone puking, but nevertheless, a sweet thought. Until I left the little spatula in it reducing it to a melted mass of vanilla smelling plastic.
• I cheated on my high school boyfriend by making out drunkenly with this total whack job. Shouldn't have done that.
• My mom's stepmother used to buy me these stupid birthday angels every year. They're ceramic and ugly and awful and I loaded them all up in a box when I was 18 and shook them up. I think I told my mom I accidentally gave them to charity with other stuff when I was moving out.

• When I was in elementary school, I really wanted to be one of the cool kids. I wanted to go shopping in Dallas, attend the father-daughter ski trip in Breckenridge, go to camp Kanakomo, wear Guess jeans and Cole-Haan loafers, etc. As a result, I deemed L-Ma an out of school friend only until probably 7th grade.
• On New Years Day 2000, I brought home a puppy (Claire!) that I told my parents I'd found on the side of the road when really, I'd seen an ad for her at a local grocery store, then went to pick her up at a farm where there was a 20 foot high Jolly Green Giant replica in the yard.
• Back in my jazz dancing days, probably when I was 12 or so, I had this teacher that was teaching us a dance to the Prince song from Batman. I totally rolled my eyes and told her the song was retarded. She changed the song to Someday, by Mariah Carey. We sucked.