Saturday, April 21, 2007

Please, someone, salvage this terrible weekend.

So, last night Mr. Shain had the brilliant idea of bowling. The white trash in me loves cheap beer. The girl in me loves shoes. The whore in me loves balls. It's a perfect match. We make our way to the skeezy east side bowling ally and belly up to the counter. It's going to cost us $32 to freaking bowl. WHAT? Apparently, on Friday nights after 10pm, it becomes "Xtreme Bowl." And that costs $15 (+ tax) per person. I don't think so. This left Shain and I to visit the all American establishment Braum's where he ordered an insane amount of ice cream and I got a limeade that was so sour it made my face turn inside out. Then we plopped down in front of Harv's barbecue trailer (seriously) and Shain proceeded to psychoanalyze me. Emphasis on the psycho. Emphasis on me.

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Then, today, I wake up bright and early (not hungover!) and headed to Starbucks (sorry - we have no other options in this fair city) for my Americano. The little strip mall the Starbucks is in is the most upscale area of Norman. This is where the Talbots is, the J. Jill, the Chicos, the Jos. A. Bank, the health club, 236 banks, little boutiques run by former sorority girls whose children have left for college and have since been replaced by newer models at home and at junior league (ok, none of that is particularly upscale, but in Oklahoma beggars can't be choosers). They have conspired together to have a spring fashion show. I tell you all of this because while in Starbucks, someone rushes in explaining that they need more models. She eyes the svelte baristas, I mean, these girls weigh maybe 100/105. They are deemed to "big" to fit into the sample sizes. I hate everything. I'm surprised they didn't ask me to model for the plus sized portion of the show. Oh wait, they wouldn't have such a thing. Turds. Back to my coffee/vodka/cigarettes diet.

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Immediately following, I made the trek to the farmer's market. I thought it would make me feel better to be surrounded by local produce, fresh flowers, tomato plants, hippies with b.o., etc. WRONG. Apparently, today was yippie couple day. As I've stated before, I do not want to be in a relationship, per se, but if I were, I would want one of these shaggy haired, bearded, faded t-shirt wearing, Teva sporting, NPR appreciating, organic food buying, Shins listening, Subaru driving, wedding ring flashing, baby loving guys.

Also, no one is really interested in brunch here. I am a big fan of brunch even though I know it's overpriced, blah blah blah. There are a couple of places in town serving a traditionalish brunch, but only on Sunday. Jerks. Perhaps my calling is to open a restaurant. But probably not. Oh Hollandaise.


James said...

cafe plaid has pretty decent benedict....but sundays only as you mentioned bleh

John said...

I actually just had some hollandaise down in New Haven. I was being daring and tried the eggs Benedict on crab cakes. It was awful. Luckily, I was starving so I was able to get it down.

Also, just for comedy, I imagined you singing the words "Oh Hollandaise" to the tune of "Oh Tannenbaum".

blythe said...

new haven, eh? you know, i kinda like new haven. there was a sort of decent ethiopian restaurant there. you should check it out. no crab cakes to be found at that place.

o hollandaise, o hollandaise. your sauce so yellow makes me fa-at.