Monday, April 23, 2007

Having a nemesis is hard work.

Trust me. I've had the same nemesis since 1999. Since we're being honest here, I have to admit I have a hard time remembering the exact circumstances that secured him as my nemesis (that's a lie, I know the exact date - it's kind of like how everyone knows where you were when you found out that Anna Nicole kicked it). Upon reflection now that I'm supposedly older and wiser (well, older at least. zing! didn't see that one coming, did you?), I'm realizing that in spite of the totally heinous (and I don't use that word lightly because I hate it as much as moist, panties, mayonnaise and blouse) shit that went down, I need to let bygones be bygones or whatever that idiot idiom is. But first, I want to thank you for nearly eight years of service. Now, I will transfer all of my ill will to the fucking speed humps that have cropped up in my neighborhood. Ordinarily, I'm not opposed to speed humping. I have a short attention span and am not particularly flexible. However, these happen to be horrible raised welts of asphalt assaulting the main thoroughfare of my neighborhood. Because going 20 isn't slow enough. Well, fuck you speed humps. Especially when I forget about you and spill my $4 coffee all over myself. Normally, I'd blame this on my nemesis, but you're off the hook.

Blythe's Nemesis
1999 - 2007
Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Remains Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship.


Matt said...

I think you meant, "Died Tragically Rescuing his Family From the Wreckage of a Destroyed Sinking Battleship."

I know my Wes Anderson movies quite well, you see. We share the same name.

blythe said...

maybe you're right. maybe you're wrong. maybe i'll never trust my memory or again. also, maybe i'll just have to watch the movie later to recall correctly.