Monday, May 05, 2008

Things I hate: #4

I hate a lot of things. The idea of chewing on wet paper towels. People who don't accelerate immediately at green lights. Samoa Girl Scout cookies. Weddings with no alcohol. White tights. My Chemical Romance. Uni nigiri. But last night, a previously overlooked (or blocked out) transgression forced itself upon me. I attended Zanzibarfest (you can find it on MyFriendSpaceBook) to benefit a local recording studio that works with many of Norman's bands, including the roommate's. I saw some old school Norman kids, had a free beer, watched toddlers fall over in a community garden, listened to some local music and was subjected to hippie dancing. Holy hairy chai scented balls does this annoy me! I just don't understand. The amount of unrhythmic flailing was dangerous. You could've put an eye out with that. Just because you have on several long layers of non-matching billowing fabrics doesn't mean that twirling and contorting in them is actually conveying some sort of transcendent experience. Also, you're all doing the same dumbass dance, you non-conformists. And finally, you pretend it's all spontaneous expressions of your surroundings, but you totally practice in front of your mirror every night.

I want to trip them. I want to dress them in GAP from head to toe. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against hippies really, it's just their dancing. It's worst than the skankiest of sorostitute grinding. I'd rather do the electric slide on hot coals than watch this shit. I thought my own personal hell was a place with no Diet Coke, but apparently it's a Phish concert.

19 comments:

Mr. Shain said...

wow, you REALLY are a bundle of hormones. of all the shit that's gone down in the last week, i was surprised to see you focused your energies on hippy dancing. sure, i hate it too, but c'mon. i thought surely my comment about you skipping a meal now and then would trump this nonsense.

blythe said...

i am still at work, you jackass. when you abruptly quit talking to me, i assumed it was because you were bringing me dinner as i slave away for higher education. but no.

p.s. we probably wear the same bra size, so i'd shut up about the whole skipping a meal thing, if i were you.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Ha Ha!
She totally faced you, Shain.

Mr. Shain said...

live update: bee-spot is ordering fried pickles and a corndog at the local drive-in.

i faced your mom, cherry.

Andrea said...

soooo.... i guess you don't want to
see my (purple) dancing bear tattoo, then? shhhheeesh.


no really, i (shame.) have one.


from like the 90's... high school. shame.

Andrea said...

**edit**

you're only on #4?

i hate everyone and everything.
except cheese. and wine. and tacos.

blythe said...

shain - and they were delicious. delicious!

andrea - if you had lived in western MA in 2006, i'd totally invited you over for tacos and wine. with cheese.
Tacos!

Christopher said...

I can guarantee that there's no hippie dance practicing. I've known most of them since the mid-90s, and they were doing the same moves then. Then, it was to The New Tribe, Love Button, et al. Bands come and go, but hippie dancing is eternal.

blythe said...

chris - make them stop! I had no idea there was a garden back there, though. it was kind of nice. in a related story, when are we having yearbook reunion?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

wow man, you hate samoas?

blythe said...

cts - i make up for my hatred for samoas with a love of samosas. also, i might or might not love samoans. i'm not really sure.

Andrea said...

taco night looks awesome!

also, is that a baby black pug in the flicker set? i have a black pug...love!

blythe said...

andrea - yeah, lil T belongs to friend S who's front and center in the taco pic. he's a grumpy little old man. and i mean that in the best way.

Mr. Shain said...

oh my god, my yoga class today was all hippies--shirtless, dreadlocked, no deodorant wearing hippies. oh the humanity!

J-Money said...

The worst dancing ever comes to us courtesy of Jimmy Buffett fans. They combine the unrhythmic, unwashed insouciance of hippies with an edge of drunken "why don't you watch YOUR fins-to-the-left, you FUCK" hostility. Also, they wear pleated pants. And crocs.

And yeah, Samoas taste like coconut-coated dirt farts.

Step Right Up said...

P and I had a real good hard laugh at your hippie dancing post. That dance or whatever it's supposed to be is the ultimate in ridiculous! We're going to a DMB concert in St. Louis next month. Neither of us are really DMB fans but P's bro is and bought us tix. Of four things I am certain: 1)There will be B.O. all around 2) We will be high off 2nd hand smoke 3)I will be pleading for it all to end 4) hippie dancing galore

Michael5000 said...

Not liking Samoas is fucked up. I'm not saying that YOU are fucked up. Just that your not liking Samoas is fucked up. That's all.

Julie_Gong said...

i have a really great video for you if i ever upload it.

Julie_Gong said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfIjLXEE0IQ

for your viewing displeasure!