Thursday, May 01, 2008

I bite their heads off first.

Have you ever been at work, enjoying a nice snack of animal crackers while returning emails, finishing super fun reports, etc when you drop one of the crackers down into your cleavage? And then you push back your head to see how deep the little monkey has fallen, then pull your shirt from your chest and reach into to the depths to retrieve it? And then a new faculty member pops into your office to learn about health insurance options while your hand is very conspicuously rooting around between your boobs? Awesome.

16 comments:

John said...

I can safely say that has never happened to me.

Step Right Up said...

Not that, but have you ever farted in your office and then left and closed the door for fear that an employee or coworker may stop in and smell it?

No? Yeah, me neither.

Andrea said...

sometimes when i drop food in/on my (awesome) boobs, i leave it there for later. i'm smart like that.

Mr. Shain said...

as long as you didn't pull out said employee's new health care id card, you're fine.

Matt A said...

Can't say I have. Give me a diet of BBQ pork, movie theater popcorn, Wendy's milk shakes, and 10 years... I'll have a nice pair going by then. Will let you know.

One advantage I'll have is a huge gut, or "shelf," below the rack to catch them. I could probably hold several in there indefinitely or for later consumption.

Mr. Shain said...

also, are you sure they were animal crackers and not powdered donuts...?

d said...

just how big are your boobs?

John said...

On a completely different note, did you see the live simulcast of "This American Life" last night? It was pretty cool, even with the somewhat shameless Showtime plugs.

Anonymous said...

great, now i am aroused and have nothing to do with it...

Dan said...

This is one of the better short stories about animal crackers that I've ever read.

Michael5000 said...

I agree with Dan. It's the phrase "rooting around" that takes it to the next level.

Julie_Gong said...

was it a regular animal cracker or one with pink frosting on it?

Matt A said...

All this talk of crackers/cookies is making me want some milk.

Oh, there we go.

blythe said...

john - don't lie.

SRU - nope never.

andrea - that is smart. i'm always too hungry for that kind of thinking.

shain - if only. if my boobs could manufacture health insurance cards, i'd save so much time!

d - you're familiar with john goodman?

john (again) - NO! i was at work till 8 because there was a tornado and my mom forbade me from driving home, plus i do the work of about three people these days which means i work your hours, probably. it makes me whiny and hungry. i'll bet it was awesome, if not an extended promo for showtime.

anon - you know what to do with it.

dan - thanks. that's a real compliment coming from you. i'm working on a series about applesauce that might interest you as well.

m5k - i knew someone would appreciate that.

jgong - i don't do the ones with frosting. they're too cinammony tasting or however you might spell that.

matt a - can you lactate?

Dan said...

That would interest me. Please keep me abreast of your progress.

South To Stilly said...

Or, what about when you've just spilt soda all over yourself and are.. uh.. rubbing.. your clothes in an effort to remove the stain? Yeah, looks bad, man.