In which this blog is not unlike the Sooners: A post in three or some number of parts.

Act I: The season started out so promising. We had a little bit of trouble with a little bit of Colorado. But then, good news! Everyone started sucking balls! Now, including us. WTF, man. Sam! Halzle! Jesus Christ on a stick. Or whatever. I can't even talk about it. Really, I can't. Except, WTF are we paying you for, Stoops? To lose to effing Texas Tech? I don't think so. Kansas, ok, maybe because, ostensibly, they are as good as we are. Tech?!?@$*(@ You might have led us to a championship, but you've also presided over some of our worst losses. Nut up, dude. De-red shirt someone. Ask someone from the crowd to be the quarterback - like the guy who throws it through the target to win $1000 from Jason White's dealership. I can't wait to lose to OSU this week. If you don't hear from me by Wednesday of next week... A malaise fell over Norman Saturday night that not even $2.50 Shiners could and L's dad's Grateful Dead (The Jamminators!) cover band could cure. Oh, how the mighty will fall. Like this blog. One minute I'm nominted for an Oklahoma Blogger award™, the next, Sitemeter reveals that only five people read. And by people I mean Google searches for "Zach Braff's tight pants."

Part II: I can't believe I forgot to mention this! Last weekend, I left my neighborhood at about 7 to grab coffee at Starfucks before Shain and I headed of to judge a high school debate tourney (suck it). I should mention, it was exceptionally foggy this morning. Like, can't see anything. I approach the intersection where I need to make a right. I have a green light. As I'm gently nudging the gas, suddenly, this bike flies across through the intersection causing me to slam on my brakes (I wasn't going that fast, but still) and I come eye to eye with - guess! Wait for it, the exbf's mom! I almost ran her over! Ha! I mean, oops.

C) I have a habit of singing in the bathroom at work because, well, the acoustics are fucking fantastic in there. The lighting makes me look like old school Courtney Love, but the tiles make me sound like Kelly Clarkson. I wasn't really aware that my voice carried beyond the bathroom till I walked out and was greeted by a coworker who suggested, humorously, I choose to believe, that I save it for karaoke night. I'll show you karaoke.

4: Zack Harrison Memorial Music Monday! - This is my latest commute mix.

Oh My God - Mark Ronson and Lily Allen: Oh my God I can't believe I like this song.
A Baby For Pree - Neutral Milk Hotel: What does it even mean?
The Anglo-Saxons - The Mountain Goats: Remember that cartoon show about history? I can't remember the name, but it was pretty much awesome.
I'd Love You - Sonya Kitchell: I would.
Superstar - Lupe Fiasco: I am.
Scattered Leaves - The Be Good Tanyas: This chick sounds like Shakira. But I like it anyway.
Mornington Crescent - Belle & Sebastian: This one's for you, Shain. Thanks for abandoning me. No, really.
The Temptation of Adam - Josh Ritter: Seriously! Why am I just getting into this guy now?
Blue Eleanor - Old Canes: I dunno. Just like it.
Needles in My Eyes - Beta Band: Puts me in a happy trance.
Oh Lately It's So Quiet - Ok Go: These guys are more than just a treadmill dance troupe.
Arcade Precinct - 1990s: What? Yeah, it's kind of awful.
Mansard Root - Vampire Weekend: Surprise! I'm in love with this! And they're coming to Norman!
Hold On - KT Tunstall: Yes. This has been or will be used in a comical montage featuring McDreamy, George, Izzie, and/or Addison. Blow me.

Section 5.1.3: The WGA and corporate TV America have got us by the balls. And we are letting them. Did you know that The Office is probably over for the season? The last new episode aired last week. Scrubs might not finish the series (Will JD and Elliot end up together? Will we ever meet Kelso's Edith? I just have to know!). And so on and so on with shows from Comedy Central to the CW. And we are letting them. So, I propose a strike against TV in general. Fuck them! We can read! Knit! Ride bikes! Smoke weed and look at fish tanks! Poetry readings! Concerts! Shows! Blogs! TV? We don't need no stinkin' TV. I'm totally serious. Until The Real Housewives of Orange Cunty are on. I love that show.

Act VI: Happy Birthday Mom! You said you don't read, but I know you do. I'm glad you were born so you could bear me.

It's Friday, I'm in Love

with the anniversary of this blog (but seriously, only because no one else is and I have to, it's contractual). SPOILER ALERT: this has the potential to turn into a sapfest. Either get out now or, yeah, just click the little x. But before you do, as this is my blog, I can use it for evil as well as good. In the words of Bobby Brown, it's my prerogative.

Last year was an extraordinarily bad year. I mean, mega shitteous. Coupla things: 1. tragically dumped by high school boyfriend of seven years/love of life (so I thought), 2. beloved dog Zealand stolen (and, unless you've raised a dog from a puppy, it's really hard to describe just how absolutely heartbreaking this was) as a result of my dumping, 3. sold myself out of gainful employment (long story), 4. moved back to Oklahoma from the remains of my seemingly happy life in Northampton, MA. I know people have been through worse, yes, but this was all so completely unexpected and expected. Anyway. Shitty. I started this blog while I was tinkering with spreadsheets at good ol' Yankee Candle as a way to kind of creatively get through this crappiness. A year later, it's strange to peruse the archives to see who I was and think about where I am now. Also, this is a good test to see if I know my months.

A year in the Blythe: a photographic and postographic retrospective.

September

I picked apples.

October

I went to a Halloween party in a barn. It was very New England. I do love Fall in New England. Something I already miss.

November

I met Augusten Borroughs.

December

I went home to the OK for Christmas. While Christmas is about family to most, to me it is about gifts. Too bad for me.

January

I decided to move home. Yup. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Oh, except that before I left, Party Cat (featured in November) got tape stuck in her ass.

(I suggest clicking to enlarge.)

February

I will be single forever! And ever! and ever!

March

I loved substitute teaching middle schoolers in Noble, OK. No, really. I actually did.

April

I got all nostalgic and shit.

May

Shain and I continue our tempestuous relationship.

June

I celebrated my the one year anniversary of my dumpage. Sometimes I can't believe I made it. Sometimes I can't believe I stayed with that kid for so long. Bygones! Also, L and I hung out a lot. This is when I starting thinking I would someday ask her to be my hetero life mate. This is also one of the best perks of moving home.

July

I got HPV(II).

August

I got old.

And now, well, looking back, it seems pretty mundane, but trust me. It was. Ok, seriously? It was a fucking awful year, but I think things are on the upswing. I really do. Well, as long as OU continues to dominate.

For Normaneyes Only: A Shameless Plug.

One of the reasons Lacey is so awesome is due to her insane, yet endearing family (her words, not mine - ok, my words). Lacey's mom is my second mom (yet somehow, my mom is not her second mom and might not even be my first mom, but I digress) and her dad is pretty much around as much as my dad, which is not a lot, so he's just like my dad. Her little bro and my little bro cut their teeth on N64, Power Rangers and grass fires together. She has some brothers in between too, but... Ok, middle bro is awesome. Anyhoo, L's dad is tearing it up tonight with his band the Jamminators at Brothers (593 Buchanan) starting at 9. Seriously, what's more dope than your dad rocking a drum kit with his friends and making some decent music too? I would argue not much. So, as it was written by L's mom on my copy of the flier, "be there or be ."

Here they are, rockin' the stage at O'Connell's on St. Paddy's Day. They have a sign, so they are legit. Sweetness.

So, come on out, folks! What else were you going to do tonight? Also, I'll buy you a shiner, on you.

Cringesday on a Monday: Birthday that never ends edition!

Hey everybody, come and see how good I look! -- Ron Burgundy

I've never really been on the receiving end of a digital gift before, but this year, I got four! I will share three with you because one was deeply personal and quite filthy. One is cringe-worthy, one is a direct Cringesday contribution, and one is, well, I need your help with the last thing.

* Click here for more. You'll have to download it (it's a power point). This is as blog savvy as I get and I had to have help.

* Click here only if you want to ROTLFLMAO like a LOTR NAACP AARP CBS. Siobhlogger's outdone herself. Cringesday GOLD! Here is a preview.


* This was sent to me by someone that I don't know all that well, yet he somehow managed to distill my entire personality into 30 seconds and some graphics. So, do I marry him or file a restraining order because he's clearly stalking me? Which is sexy, of course.

Something has gone terribly wrong*

Case #1: This morning, at the fine institution of higher education in which I work, we had a little power outage. Actually, lightning struck a substation or some such nonsense so it was kind of a big outage. I don't really understand how electricity works. Blah blah blah. So, I have to pee because all I do at work is Wikipedia shit (well, not literally shit, but things like Martika (you know, from Kids Incorporated?) and the history of Sunny D) and drink Diet Coke. It is pretty, pretty, pretty dark in the "garden level" (read basement) where my office is located. Needless to say, the ladies room is pitch black. A coworker graciously offers her key chain that has one of those handy micro flashlights on it. I take it into the bathroom and light my way, till it's time for some flushing action. It all happened so fast, I can't really explain it, but the keys of the coworker ended up in the toilet. They were on a lanyard, so I caught that part before it was submerged, but the keys themselves definitely took a swim in Lake Toilet. I fished them out, banged into shit while Stevie Wondering it to the sink, and gave them a good wash. I didn't tell anyone. Does this make me a bad person?

Case #2: Monday night is Benson Family Dinner Night, since the little bro doesn't have to work. I've been having a spot of trouble with him as he has decided to live at home for his first year of college to save money (for what? I honestly don't see how the kid could spend more than he already does on various unnamed vices). I think this is a terrible idea for a multitude of reasons that I won't bore you with, but mainly I've been waiting 18 years to feel like an only child again. No sharing! So, Mother Bee-Spot outlines her concerns, chief of which is the fact that she feels that she and my father need more warning as to his comings and goings so they can best utilize the privacy. I throw up my pork chop a little (mostly because I don't like pork chops). She goes on to say that perhaps she and my father want to walk around nekkid, play loud music or even smoke pot. WHAT? My mother wouldn't know what pot smoke smelled like if it was billowing out from under my closed door stuffed with a towel. I ask her if she as promised my brother's room to Matthew McConaughey, to which she responded with something about bongos. Well done Mother Bee-Spot!

Case #3: Lacey and I went to Starfucks this evening in an effort to get some work done. She's going to be a doctor, so she has to, like, do important stuff or something. I don't know. I have to do the important work of finishing Harry Potter, which I just can't bring myself to do. I really don't want to talk about it. After we've alienated everyone in the place by laughing/snorting, ridiculing their outfits, declaring the new Paul McCartney album for old, deaf people in front of old, deaf people, examining our hair for split ends, singing Ain't No Mountain High Enough (I take the Tammi Terrell part, Lacey does her best Marvin Gaye), talking extensively about reflexive urination and ranking our best birthday experiences from 15 till present, Lacey shows me the masterpiece she's been fiddling with the whole time I've been reading one word of HPVII between snippets of convo. Behold:


Song of the day: A Change Is Gonna Come - Sam Cooke.
Funny business of the day: Business Time. Seriously kids, if you're not watching Flight of the Conchords, well, I just don't get it.

*most likely, this post.