Wednesday, July 25, 2007

UPDATED! Cringesday!

UPDATE: Annie wins the prize for actual participation (the prize is, of course, nothing). This will catch on. It will. Just wait for next week.

It's more embarrassing for my sister (she's the one wiht the tragic hair on the bottom), but it was definitely my idea to pose like this. I was always convincing her to put on pointless "shows" that ended with her on the floor and me looking easy-breezy-beautiful on top of the world. That's definietly cringe-y.
http://diminishingreturns.net/images/blog/07summer/put-on-a-show.jpg

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Due to the most recent event in the life of LiLo that actually makes Katie Holmes glad she's a drugged, Scientologist mother of an alien, I am discontinuing Goulet Wednesday News Round Up. I'm no longer challenged. Between LaLohan's antics, Britney's downward spiral into the mere footnotes of Shar Jackson's biography, Nicole's babybulemic, and Paris' post prison extension emergency, quite frankly, I'm disgusted. With Perez Hilton.

So, instead, because I like the idea of blog features because I don't like the idea of actually writing anything because I'm pretty horrible at it, I've come up with Cringesday. What is Cringesday you ask and how do you stand being so beautiful and deal with all of those marriage proposals? Well, Cringesday is where I post a horrifying story, picture, piece of writing, or other memento from my youth and expect you to do the same (fine - I just made that other part up). It's like free therapy but without the credentials, drugs and results (but hopefully with the shame, tears and copays - for me). Come on! You might like it. (For serious, I'm almost 100% sure that no one will take me up on this, but seriously, send me a pic/story/scan something mortifying and I'll throw it up here. It'll be fun fun fun! We're all friends. Except you, Shain. Lacey, I know for a fact you have something to share.)

Cringenesday #1: The Five Year Old Mullet.


Yup, that's me, circa 1986ish. Let me tell you about kindergarten. I failed skipping in P.E. Fucking failed it like LiLo's field sobriety test. The best part about having a mullet when you're 5 or 6 or whatever, is that it can't get worse, right? Oh, yes it can and it's called a perm + mall bangs. Stay tuned.

Your turn! So, who's with me? This is my Jerry Maguire moment except even Renee Zellweger's squinty eyes aren't even following me out of the building.

34 comments:

stewpid said...

there are no words.

Oh, wait, yes there are: Steve Perry called, and he DOESN'T want his hairstyle back.

John said...

I think I like the half-hearted smirk even better than the hair. It's like you're saying to the camera guy "yeah, well at least I'm not a school photographer."

(Tim Layne) the Homeless Blogger said...

Ufortunately I had that same haircut. When I was in high school. If I had a pic of that I would send it to you. Then I would go eat myself to death by means of key lime pie and Jack-in-the-Box tacos. I'm seriously crying now. Thanks.

Dan said...

You look like you might have been a bully. Even with the cheap white halo effect above your mullet. Did you used to rough up the other tykes for milk money?

christal said...

Did they add in the glitter on the top (Commodore 64s had some sort of photoshop, right?) or did they just dump it on each child before snapping the photo?

step right up said...

Since you were in Kindergarten you can blame your parents on that mullet. It's not like you were a teenager and chose that mullet.

No kindergarten mullet for me but I was a kindergarten drop out. I went for a few months and then my parents pulled me out and didn't put me back in the school system til 1st grade.

blythe said...

stewpid - i was in love with steve perry even then. oh yes.

john - exactly.

tim - dry your eyes. it's ok.

dan - i'm lactose intolerant. i expected you to know this.

christal - that's my shitty scanner for ya. you know what would be great? if you could comment in your micro handwriting.

sru - kindergarten was so fun more me, essentially, i went twice. don't ask. very traumatic. souce of myc tension in the fam.

JebusHChrist said...

I like the look on your face, it's like "stop bustin' my balls with that mangy stuffed bear and snap the fuckin' photo, alright, wiseguy? I got art in 5 minutes."

Also, the cutest thing I've seen in a long time.

blythe said...

myc = much, but that's assuming that anyon reads my comments

thanks jebus! it's been a shitty here at the office. i needed that.

SHARE PEOPLE! that's the point of this. please? fine.

ok, no cream.

Alex said...

the last thing anyone needs to see is the ninth grade sidepart. or the freshman year "thumbs up" series of pictures. and i didnt know we got graded for skipping in kindergarten. did we even have p.e.? i thought it was all letter people.

blythe said...

p.s. i have a new keyboard that i am obviously having a spot of trouble with. with which i am obviously having a spot of trouble. fucking grammar bullshit.

Dan said...

ah. I see. Well this throws a bit of a wrench into my candlelight cheesedog dinner plans. Before, I go any further, are you Ho Ho intolerant too?

also, to clarify, I don't mind a little bullying. as long as we can establish a safety word.

d said...

awww. i think it's cute. i love the one droopy eyelid and the sideways smile. they totally distracted me from the mullet. dude. it was the 80s. didn't everyone have a mullet?

i'd love to share, but i can't as i've always been fabulous. and by fabulous i mean so horribly, awfully gunky that my face broke any camera that even dared to try and take a picture of me.

thus, no recordings of the ugly phase me. none that haven't been burned that is.

blythe said...

dan - i'll make a concession for cheesedogs. or cheese in general.

d - the best part is, i still pretty much look like that. but not as good. it's sad really. and some people had mohawks, rat tails and side ponytails. 80s rule!

stewpid said...

1. the best photo I have to share is of a disheveled me with my hand up my dress, age 5. I am so not posting it.

2. You guys can use my safety word-- it's "Cut it the fuck out, I am completely serious."

3. This photo should be captioned, "business in front, Chuck E. Cheese party in back."

Dan said...

stewpid:

2. I was using "The Kingdom, The Power, and the Glory are yours" but that was sending mixed messages. I'll try yours.

3. it's a rarity that I "lol" on the internet these days. kudos.

5 of 9er said...

I love Cringenesday #1... keep it up! Classic!

Mr. Shain said...

i dont mean to be rude, but your hair looks pretty much the same now. remember those "sweeping bangs" you got done in April? sweeping bangs = moder mullet. but it's still super cute and not at all the reason that you're single and spending your evenings on match.com (that's because of your personality).

blythe said...

stewpid - your comments slay me. and i mean that in the most non retarded way possible. #3 will become part of for evers. mark my words.

dan - i know, right?

9er - i will, but i need participation, peeps. none of this, my pics are too horrible stuff. i was a damn good looking child and i chose to put up the one of me looking like one of the boys from the movie overboard (love it! goldie hawn!). so come on, folks.

mr. shain - can you feel my hate of a million trillion burning suns all the way in LA?

JebusHChrist said...

Yup, still the cutest thing I've seen in a long time.
That's all.

Big Daddy said...

OMG, if you think that's bad, I'll have to send you my 90's-shaved-on-the-sides-but-long-on the-top 'do.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Bee - You are sucha cutie!

I would say "count me in" if I was actually blogging. But since I'm not at the moment, I'll just pretend.

Mr. Shain said...

big hugs blythe!

michael5000 said...

I graduated from high school in 1986, therefore this looks like a picture of a cute kid with a completely unremarkable haircut to me. Oh well.

Annie said...

Here.

It's more embarrassing for my sister (she's the one wiht the tragic hair on the bottom), but it was definitely my idea to pose like this. I was always convincing her to put on pointless "shows" that ended with her on the floor and me looking easy-breezy-beautiful on top of the world. That's definietly cringe-y.

blythe said...

i'm almost positive i had your sister's nightgown and that it came with a matching one for my carebear.

and apparently cringe = cute this week, so i'll be harder on myself next.

Annie said...

WOW, it looks hilarious and way lamer on the page itself! hahaha. yeah, i'll try to come up with some truly awful ones next time I'm home. we should do this every week on the same day. not kidding. like i would joke about something like this.

blythe said...

i knew i could count on you.

also, i talked to my mom about this photo tonight. she swears up and down on a stack of tv guides that i actually asked for this haircut. i'm still convinced that my parents lost a bet to the neighbors or something. who would ask for this? when i was five, i wanted hair like donna summers. needless to say, that never happened.

Step Right Up said...

I had my hair like Dorothy Hamill. It was called the 'page boy' cut. She was the famous ice skater that every little girl wanted to be in the 70's along with Farrah Fawcett who I also had my hair like, too.
Oh the sweet 70's

stewpid said...

I had a Dorothy Hamill too. While I was getting it, my hairdresser was raving about a girl who'd come in the week before for a Tennille. She kept saying that it turned out so great, the little girl looked JUST LIKE TENNILLE. I was sooooo jealous, because I thought maybe Tennille would be a cooler thing to look like than Dorothy Hamill.

I wonder if my therapist could make an emergency appointment with me today about this.

stewpid said...

ps I was going to say "business in front, slumber party in back" but that sounded perverted.

CrimeNotes said...

1.) I agree with Jebus. Nothing wrong with the picture.

2.) Please explain the Blythe/Mr. Shain dynamic, with emphasis on how he got to be insane.

blythe said...

crimenotes 2) - that is a blog unto itself. it's not pretty.

Marla said...

Second grade--the day before picture day. Mom. Super-Cuts. Something called the "Dorothy Hamill."

You wouldn't think it possible for a 6 year-old to have a shot at becoming the fourth golden girl...or look like a tool belt-wearing lesbian, for that matter. You'd also be wrong.