Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I am rarely surprised by geography, and other stories.

There are a lot of things I should be thinking about - e.g. should I up my employee contribution to my TIAA Creff biznass to .5%? Did I remember to turn off my flat iron (ha! j/k - I don't even own a hairbrush - sexy!)? Do I need to have an intervention for Mr. Shain's meth habit that he continues to publicly deny? Am I contributing to the slow death of Lauryn Hill's children because I am listening to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill all the way through for the third time tonight? But no. I'm not thinking of that stuff. Instead:

  • I am 94.28%* sure I could school most people in the World Series of Pop Culture extravaganza currently dominating the Video Hits 1 line up in the absence of a show featuring the Monique, Brooke Hogan or some stupid breaking news segment urging me to check out new and upcoming artist Amy Winehouse - yeah, got that memo years ago. Ok, fine. Today I learned that there are a lot more Val Kilmer movies I'd need to brush up on, but other than that, I'm all set. What I am not so sure about is that I could come up with a suitable name for my team. So far, I'm all about The Moops. Maybe it's already a name, maybe it's not, I don't really care, I think it's pretty solid.
*this number is actually more like 3%

  • Speaking of pop culture, why is Doug Benson, the Pop Culture Bachelor, on America's Next Top Chef/Model/Comic/Posh Beckham/Bret Michael's Charm School of Survivor Pirates Who Think They Can Dance Idol? The Benson's (me, Doug, Brendan, George, and Lloyd, although he was a Bentsen [but it's ok, oh, and he's dead] gotta stick together!
  • A girl has needs, right? Right now, mine include fantasizing about Colin Meloy and Ben Gibbard fighting it out for the last pair black rimmed glasses while Rivers Cuomo and I make out.
  • I spend a lot of time in my car these days. I need a stellar commute mix. I've been almost killing myself and many others daily in the greater OKC metro by trying to both drive and work the iPod because I am tired of every other song I've got at the moment. While I am driving, I also think about how much I hate driving and wish I could have some sort of excuse to not leave right at 5.30 so as to avoid road rage inducing rush hour in which I watch bike riders move faster than me - no, there are no cyclists in OK. I see four options, all improbable:
  1. Go to the university gym and like run or something, I guess.
  2. Create my own happy hour or crash another. But I'd have to have friends in the OKC area for this one. Not happening so far. Actually, I drink at home alone, so what's wrong with drinking alone at a bar in downtown OKC, right? It's fine...
  3. Go to the rock gym. This doesn't necessarily require friends and it's quite close to my place of employment, however, it does require me to get up off my ass, dig out my harness, dust off my shoes that only bring back memories of Chinese foot binding-esque pain*, and whore myself out for a belay partner.
  4. Find someone to sleep with, as suggested by C-tina, near said place of employment. She requires that they have at least 600 thread count sheets. Let me know.
*I can say this because I was an East Asian Studies major - whatever that means.
  • And finally, my 26th b-day is quickly approaching. What does one do at this age in celebration? This time last year, I'd just been dumped and spent my actual day of birth curled up, sobbing on my bathroom floor while on the phone with the exbf who was pleading with me to let him come to my birthday dinner because he would feel left out otherwise. I'd rather not do something like that again. Maybe I'd rather do nothing. Do I have to do something? I've been having extravagant birthdays since, well, birth and I'm kind of over it. Of course, I only say this because I know someone is planning a HUGE surprise party for me! No, I know. I've got a business card, health insurance, a dog, soft hair, car, one nice pair of shoes, and a couple of friends I haven't completely alienated. What more could I ask for? A pony.


Kadonkadonk said...

If I didn't get stuck with a Meryl Streep question, I could totally rock on the Pop Culture too! Let's make a team. I'm down with the Moops.

step right up said...

Go with friends on a Christmas in July pub crawl to all the dive bars in your area. Everyone must wear their ugliest Christmas sweaters. Or an 80's prom dive bar pub crawl with everyone wearing hideous 80's prom dresses and tuxes found at the local Goodwill. Have a list of ridicuously named drinks that you must order throughout the night such as Buttery Nipple, Sex On the Beach, Harvey Wallbanger, etc.

Julie_Gong said...

I've gone to the bar by myself [surprise surprise] and it isn't as bad as it may seem. Really neat creepy men will talk to you. It will be fun.

5 of 9er said...

That's a long post... I skimmed it. I don't remember my 26th birthday... it was probably boring.

Alex said...

i am rarely surprised by geography! thank you, that's been annoying me for two days now. and the fact that i learned things from mighty ducks 2 that my 3rd grade teacher couldn't teach me is still okay. at least i think so. and i believe rule, like 74 of modern drunkards drinking guide says . "its okay to drink alone." yes.

Big Daddy said...

As long as I don't get any Rocky or Hip Hop trivia, I should be ok.

Mr. Shain said...

i also skimmed '9er.

d said...

ben could totally kick colin's ass. colin would start quoting 18th century british lit while holding a glass of absinthe and then ben would just kick him in the nads.

dude! you have a rock gym in ok that you're not using? what's wrong with you? get your ass over there. you could at least boulder if nothing else. plus a lot of gyms these days have those self-belaying thingies so you can climb alone. although how sad would that make you feel?

blythe said...

kadonk - ok. virtual team. the moops!

sru - lovely ideas. want to come?

julie - i could have guessed. is it too cliched to do the reading a book while drinking wine thing? should i just wear a sign that i'm single and plan to have multiple cats in the near future?

9er - i know. reading is hard. or maybe you don't remember because it was so awesome!

alex - you should still know where trinidad and tobago are. you should know that out of the womb.

big daddy - so, you, me, kadonk. team moops!

mr. shain - you are my hero!

d - you are so right. rivers cuomo would demolish them both, though. he went to harvard for 12 years or something. also, yes, you see the sadness in single climbing.

(Tim Layne) the Homeless Blogger said...

You could ask for a monster truck. Just a thought. I remember back when I was 26 (about 5 days ago). Those were the crazy times in my life. Thank God I finally grew up enough to stop humping the hot chicks at the blockbuster when they turn me down for a date (I promise them fried chicken and/or beef. Why the crud don't I have any takers) because I still think it's "funny".

Also, the fact that the blogsphere is so small merely helps prove my point that the world is chock full of robots. There are really only about 6,000 actual humans.

Boyd Street said...

why would i ever need to know where trinidad and tobago are? i mean is. see, you hear it and think they are people from a tropical island. i knew how to do math and use chopsticks out of the womb dammit. everything else fell by the wayside.

and as an aside. one of the reps at the shop is bringing me in for wsopc practice. this excites me because i'm well on my way to being a free agent in the realm of pop culture. i think we're all getting a little too into this. mostly because it's awesome. ok. im going to punch myself in the face and/or light myself on fire now.

Boyd Street said...

oh. this is alex btw, if you couldn't figure it out. contrary to popular belief, i am, in fact, not a couch. what's our (the mag's) deal with the couch anyway? no one ever explained it to me. whatever. i need lighter fluid.