Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Whoa is me.


Do you ever feel like a poo sandwich? I feel like a poo sandwich on rye with extra Limburger cheese.

1. I am really hoping the mirror in the bathroom at work is broken, or something. Humidity is 2000% here these days and my hair goes from super soft (not my words) to something not unlike the Friends episode where Monica plays ping pong in Hawaii. Normally, I wouldn't care since I'm not one to fuss with such things, but I'm at least trying to make a good impression at work for the first few days anyway. Shit pisses me off. Also, someone could tell me my mascara has melted down my face after I return from scurrying about campus. Jeez.

2. I just want to sit outside and drink beers on a patio. I just want to drive around in my car with the windows down. I just want to watch a movie in my bed. I want to go on a real date with dinner and everything. But, I don't really know anyone who's into that (maybe including myself). Whine, whine whine.

3. Tonight (or last night, whatever, I don't know what time it is), I was walking my dog - wait, let me back up, today marked day 20 out of 20 consecutive days of rain (or something like that - ask Gary England), so every surface is water logged. The area where my driveway meets the street is covered in a mossy, wattery goo that I promptly slid in and landed on my ass much to the dismay of Claire. Being the strong breed that she is, she dragged me about two feet before I figured out how to get up (lightning fast reflexes!!). My whole right side was covered in this kind of stinky slime. I scraped my elbow. Ow.

4. Until right now, I had forgotten that Oklahoma declared the watermelon to be the state vegetable.

5. My Monday night consisted of a trip to heaven (Super Target), a failed dog walk, reading New York Magazine, the warm glow of my computer screen and a slush from Classic 50s.

6. The 4th is as bad as New Years. I always feel pressured to be at some fantastic party/barbecue having the best time of the summer knowing that it's halfway over. Half the time I end up spending a paycheck on fireworks, then almost blowing myself up or at least starting a small grass fire. The other half of the time I bitch about the parking at the fireworks venue and wish I was there with anyone but who I'm there with.

7. Mr. Shain will undoubtedly hail this post the worst yet of my dismal, but thankfully brief (much like my love life) blogging career. I might agree, but first I will listen to enough M. Ward to tranquilize a hippo.


Clinton said...

I hate the whole "You HAVE to go do something, it's the 4th of July" thing too. I don't like days where I feel like I'm being pressured into partying; I party just fine on my own, thanks.

I, for one, will be spending my 4th seeing Transformers. And then getting drunk in my apartment. And then quite possibly going to see Transformers again.

Julie_Gong said...

I'm sorry but I laughed the whole way through #3. It was funny...

People were shocked when I said I wanted to see Transformers. I used to watch the hell out of that cartoon.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

This is one of your best posts yet. Bravo.

And supposedly Richard and I (and maybe Niner) are going to the midnight showing of Transformers. The really sad part about that is that I have never even seen the cartoon (seriously. ever.) and don't know who the hell they are. Yet I'm going. To a midnight show.

Mr. Shain said...

1. pictures, blythe, we need pictures. your hair's usually a little frizzy so i'm sure no one noticed. smeared mascara is hot.

2. i care.

3. again, we want to see the slime. pictures.

4. very oklahoma the way we disregard convention.

5. no one knows what classic 50's is.

6. i love the 4th because i usually am at some great party, holding a beer and a bottle rocket, surounded by friends and momentarily high on life. good times.

7. maybe bottom quartile. i thought it was really mean the way cherry said this was "one of your best". he's harsh. i'm just keepin' it real.

blythe said...

clinton - they hype for the transformers is overwhelming. i9'm just not sure. but i have nothing else to do... and yeah, i can hang out by myself if i want even if it is a holiday. yeah...

julie - my bruise is not funny. yes it is.

shain -
1. i posted a picture sat. you really need to start reading before asking questions.
2. don't lie.
3. nope.
4. isn't it quaint?
5. it's good. that's all anyone needs to know.
6.i think you meant to write that you're usually alone, watching house party drinking high life.
7. i love the word quartile.

blythe said...

cherry - (oops)i'm totally with you on the transformers thing. i will probably lie about it, though, so i can look cool. you weren't being mean, right...?

Jess said...

I refuse to see Transformers because I really don't like Hollywood fucking with things I loved as a kid.

*shakes fist angrily* Damn you and such, Hollywood.

Also, I'm watching the Law & Order marathon on TNT tomorrow in celebration of the 4th. I may or may not shower. I will drink.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

No, I was not being mean. I seriously dug your post!

Big Daddy said...


At least you don't have to work.

I do.

Screw The Fourth.

Mr. Shain said...

blythe is having some troubles at work right now and has asked me to guest-respond to comments:

(dictated but not read)

::jess:: watching TV on the 4th? count me in! will there also be dip involved?

::cherry:: you rock! mr. shain can suck it. ok not really he's my best friend ever and i love him.

::big daddy:: i know! i've been at work for almost a week and i could file another fax! also, i'm a little drunk and that makes answering the phones more challenging than usual.

Alex said...

ok, ok. let me stop all this veiled criticism of transformers right now. it was AWESOME. and that's about it. if you would like a sound argument on that statements behalf, i am more than happy to oblige. you all know where to find me. except not really.

blythe said...

i'm totally with you, jess.

thanks cherry.

i will think of you tomorrow while i am sleeping in, big daddy.

i think you're trying to say that i'm the best friend you've ever had and that you love me. you're projecting. it's ok, shain.

well, how was it alex?

Jeannette said...

so what's the state fruit then?

Dan said...

the concept of julie_gong "watching the hell out of that cartoon" has me a little hot and bothered.

Annie said...

excellent spoiler alert. didn't need to read a damn thing!

NathanWind said...

¡Usted es sinceramente alguna clase de genio. adoro su blog. yo lo quiero dentro de mí. hablando en español en muy emocionante y tentar!

Jess said...

There was no dip during the TV-watching yesterday. I couldn't be bothered to actually get off the couch to do much other than pee.

What a glorious way to celebrate my freedom.

Mr. Shain said...

do you ever Annie? Zing!

Mr. Shain said...

remember when you used to blog?

blythe said...

jeanette - you know, i don't know. i'm guessing sunflower seeds.

dan - i know, right?

annie - that's what we do here at the bee-spot. look out for or reader(s).

nathan - quiero tocar su blog en espanol tambien.

jess - whatevs, yo - you don't have to get up. liberty! did you stick with L&O or flip over to Monk...

shain - i remember when i used to think you were funny.