Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Whole Addiction

Since I have made my triumphant return to Oklahoma, I have done little more than enjoy the cheap beer and bitch about the lack of Whole Foods (and watch an alarming amount of HBO and dollar movies - hang out with me, I am so fun!). I just couldn't fathom how people here lived without an olive bar, stinky cheese case, patchoulied check out kids, and the possibility of buying in bulk. In fact, when friends visit places that do have a Whole Foods, they know to provide immediate documentation for fear of retribution.


This was snapped by Lacey on a recent trip to Beantown (although, I don't know which one this is - I always went to the one in Cambridge). She also picked up some lovely organic soap and two lip balms (vanilla with honey and tengerine!) of the Whole Foods brand - which I immediately used to replace my current soap and lip balm. Now, why would I replace perfectly good products? Because I am addicted to Whole Foods. I am conditioned to the idea of a Subaru driving, bike rack sporting, large breed dog walking, Costa Rica vacationing, luxury food item buying, self employed husband loving, and eventual Baby Bjorn wearing kind of life. I'm not proud of this. I blame Massachusetts. However, as Whole Foods continues to ignore it's northern neighbor (WF is headquartered in Austin) and as it was revealed that the CEO is a serious tool, I am over it. Turns out, Forward Foods, right here in Norman, can provide me with all the Boylan Seltzer and FAGE Total 0% yogurt that I need to sustain my ailing liver. Also, they have tons of cheeses and will give you samples! I bought some delightful Gouda yesterday. Delightful! Seriously, what is better than cheese? Olives (well, close second). They have olives. And pasta in bulk. And Mrs. Meyer's products so my whole life can smell like geraniums! I could have spent a lot of time in this tiny shop, but people were starting to look at me funny. Also, it's right next to the local record store, so I can feed all of my addictions (well, the legal ones anyway) in one stop. So, basically, screw you Whole Foods. I don't need you anymore. However, I wouldn't turn down a Trader Joe's. Not gonna lie. I could survive on an IV of the Roasted Corn Tortilla Chowder.

28 comments:

Step Right Up said...

I want a Whole Foods where I live!! Or at least something close to it. The closest Whole Foods is over an hour away.

Garrett Reid said...

Dear Blythe: When you are in the Forward Foods, make sure you ask Co-Owner Wampus about being on Jeopardy. He loves to talk about it.

blythe said...

sru - i'm telling you, you don't need it! be a local hero!

garrett - ok, now how do you know this? very curious.

Colleen said...

I am so with you on the cheese, olive, and WF front. Alls I can say is, Thank Fucking Christ there is a Whole Foods in the otherwise godforsaken town I'm moving to next month.

Garrett Reid said...

Well obviously because I know things.

Jess said...

I'm such a Trader Joe's whore than I rarely even visit Whole Foods these days.

Unfortunately, Trader Joe's is just a couple blocks from my gym. I pass it on the way there and the way home and hey, I should stop in because it's 8:30 and there are parking spots open!

blythe said...

colleen - i still can't believe you're going to have one and we're not. curses! although, i don't need it... i don't need it.

garrett - ok. no fair. you must divulge. in the name of all things bloggy!

jess - in my old home of amherst/northampton, ma the whole foods and trader joe's were only a parking lot away from each other. needless to say i blew a lot of cash on pirate's booty and almond butter. i am such a food snot.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I love me some Trader Joes. Ever have the peanut butter-filled pretzels? Ambrosia, I tell you. Screw Whole Foods.

Garrett Reid said...

Did you just say "all things bloggy?"

blythe said...

...

d said...

let's all agree to boycott Whole Paycheck. they are becoming the wal-mart of organic foods.

you can drive your subie without going to wf.

Jeannette said...

I live in Massachusetts. I work at Whole Foods. I am a living cliche. But I'd also like to add FUCK WHOLE FOODS I HOPE THEY ALL BURN TO THE GROUND!

Fuck Whole Foods and the superficial trendy environmentalism. Is buying a package of "biodegradable" paper bowls really a good idea when it comes in pounds of plastic wrapping. Dont get me started on plastic... or the fact that it is so unjust that the rich get to eat healthier while the poor are fed genetically engineered Kraft dinners.

blythe said...

rock on jeanette!

p.s., garrett, i'm still waiting for an explanation. regardless of whether or not i said bloggy, which is under review.

Garrett Reid said...

What - do you think I just keep coming back here to your comment box all day long to check up on things?

stewpid said...

ok, several points:

1. Or Whole Wallet sucks, because some a-hole decided to festoon the tiny entrance room with sunflowers, produce, shopping carts, more fresh flowers, fresh corn and a whole bunch of other crap, and to then place a large produce cart RIGHT IN FRONT of the door leading from this entrance room to the store. This leads to exactly one person being able to enter at a time. Then they have to experience the requisite baffled wonderment of the array of fresh fruits, flowers and organic produce options spilling into the entranceway to enchant and delight them. Then after regaining consciousness, they must resolve the eternal question: shopping cart? or no shopping cart? Maybe a shopping cart... maybe NO shopping cart. Oh, look, sunflowers! Meanwhile I, six people back in the one-person line that forms out into the parking lot, am trying to wedge my way around the ready-to-be-stunned person in front of me, certain for the five millionth time that I am going to go to the customer service desk and say, "seriously, can you guys please clear all the crap out of the entry room and move the display blocking the door so more than one person can enter your store at a time?"

I never actually do this, because the customer service desk is always either (a) unstaffed or (b) staffed by a staffer with greasy dreads and a filthy do-wrap and who appears to be about twelve years old or (c) I realize I'm going to be standing on the checkout line for twenty minutes and I never have time.

2. I really loved Mrs. Meyers products until I discovered the geranium oil stuck to my silicon spatulas and spoons and now when I turn a piece of meat with them by accident, I end up eating geranium steak.

3. 365 Italian grapefruit soda is fucking delicious.

JebusHChrist said...

Whole Foods and sloppy joes. I feel like I'm starting to know you.

Also, the bloggers called and they asked that you cease and desist from saying "all things bloggy". They get enough shit as it is.

Mr. Shain said...

i have the urge to respond to all the comments, but i'll just say that:

trader joe's is for, well, poor white people with crappy dental plans. there i said it.

whole foods is for those of us who actually enjoy wonderful food at inflated prices in pretty packaging. i love it.

however (personal admission) i might have driven a case of two-buck-chuck back to oklahoma with me last time i went. allegedly.

blythe said...

go ahead. i know you're all wound up (the meth).

blythe said...

dear garrett: i must know how you know of wampus. i mean, i just must. no big deal. i am imagining a scenario where you two were pitted against each other during jeopardy. perhaps you won. i think it would be one of those situation where you only won by a dollar, though. then, because neither of you made anything from the show, you decide to become internet pen pals, keeping in touch about the rise and fall of ken jennings. just an idea.

Garrett Reid said...

Do you know wampus? If so, you must also know suzy?

blythe said...

this is weird. i know of them / have met them through friends and through my dad who knows maybe suzy's sister or something through work. i am very familiar with their inventory, though. come on. spill it! the blog world is so, so small.

Jess said...

trader joe's is for, well, poor white people with crappy dental plans. there i said it.

Hey! I resemble that remark. Though, my dental plan is actually pretty good.

I loooooove the TJ's peanut butter-filled pretzels. I had a handful this morning. I really just shouldn't buy them.

Carmen said...

Shain, stop being such a yuppie. I worry about you, really, I do.

I rarely go in to Whole Foods, because yes, they cost so much. And, really, I haven't been in to my Trader Joe's in a while because I'm getting tired of buying the same frozen pizzas and hummus (which is really wonderful). And if I buy their delicious cookies and chocolate, I'll eat them all in one setting. Plus, their parking lot is a nightmare.

I offer another alternative, which may or may not be available to everyone (unfortunately): go to your local farmer's market. It's fucking awesome. The fruit is just as expensive or cheaper than what you get at the grocery store. And, some farmers don't use chemicals by choice. Your money is kept in the local economy and everybody wins. Of course, this is easy to say from San Francisco, where we have the most amazing organic farmer's market in the country...

If you're interested, you could also read "Organic, Inc." It talks not only about Whole Foods, but also how the organic industry came about and what its future looks like.

That said, I move to Rochester, NY next month and was completely disappointed that neither TJ's nor WF exists there. Why, God, why?

Jess said...

I'd go to the Farmers' Market more often if my mom's garden wasn't supplying me with free vegetables all summer.

stewpid said...

ps I think the Whole Foods commenting scandal is hilarious. It's totes funny to pretend to be someone else and comment on your own shit. Hahahaha. Haha. But I would never do it.

julie, a random stranger said...

Stew, I agree with you. I also think your blog is hilarious and no one should read any blog but yours and when they are done, they should give you money. I bet you are really pretty.

blythe said...

for the record, that was not me. not because i wouldn't do it, but because i'm not that clever.

or am i?

Mr. Shain said...

carmen, you're dead to me. why are you commenting on blythe's blog and not mine? you make me cry.

and yes, HAHA, you'll be shopping at 7-11 in rochester soon!