Thursday, June 14, 2007

Where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain

I am in a love/hate relationship with this state. Mostly hate. I kid. There are a lot of shitty things about this place, namely James Inhofe, 3.2 beer and toll roads, but there are some good things too. Like Sonic™. That might be it. Oh, and Garth Brooks! And severe weather! Last night, I was trying to watch So You Think You Can Dance (which shall henceforth be referred to as SYTYCD or the greatest show ever) and stupid Mike Morgan or Gary England or whatever the fuck his name is keeps breaking in to tell me about some stupid tornado 300 miles away. I think the parasitic microscopic map of Oklahoma has been feeding off of my favorite shows all season. WE GET IT. This is Oklahoma. You know, where the movie Twister was filmed? Anyway, I do learn something from the constant barrage of doom and the endless ticker relaying warning after warning at the top of the screen: Oklahoma's got some fucked up names for towns. I mean nuts. There seem to be five categories (this is only a small sampling as Oklahoma has 77 counties of wonder from which to draw):

Kind of normal:
Norman
Oklahoma City

Probably Native American (inspired):
Catoosa
Checotah
Etowah
Keota
Lenepah
Lookeba
Ninnekah
Ochelata

Okmulgee
Oktaha
Olustee
Oolegah
Paoli
Pawhuska
Sapulpa
Sasakwa
Skiatook
Talequah
Talihina
Tishomingo
Watonga
Wapanucka
Waurika
Weleetk
a

Combinations of Oklahoma + neighboring state/area or other nonsense:
Centrahoma
Indiahoma
Indianola
Lahoma
Texhoma
Texola


Stolen:
Boise City
Burbank
Delaware
Fargo
Geronimo
Gene Autry
Jamestown
Kingston
Maimi (said Miamuh)
Pittsburg
Prague (said Praygue)


Bat shit crazy:
Bokoshe
Bokchito
Bowlegs
Camargo
Corn
Dill City
Disney
Faxon
Foyil
Gotebo
Grainola
Grand Lake Towne
Hydro
Jet
Ketchum
Krebs
Kremlin
Loco
Lotsee
Minco
Oilton
Pink
Silo
Slaughterville
Spavinaw
Strang
Sulpher
Talala
Taloga
Vici
Wyandotte


Perhaps offensive:
Fallis
Hooker

15 comments:

Clinton said...

How is there not a horror movie called "Slaughterville, Oklahoma?" Can someone get on this please?

blythe said...

i might be wrong (never), but i'm pretty sure there was a recentish push to officially change the name of slaughterville by PETA (i honestly want to say to something totally idiotic like veggieville - not kidding). seriously. apparently they have nothing better to do. i'm just glad bob barker's on top of keeping our pets spayed and neutered.

Mr. Shain said...

really? new blog post topic: 100 words that sound funny when you say them ten times.

blythe said...

i'll let you tackle that one. i'm "working" really hard on casual porn fridays.

Mr. Shain said...

LOVING IT.

Erin said...

how could you forget "nowatta" and "lottawatta" ?? love your blog, thanks for entertaining me.

the landshark said...

did you just name every town in oklahoma? i feel so educated now, you have no idea.

blythe said...

shain - if only you could change "it" to "me."

erin - shit! those are some good ones. glad you like it!

landshark - oh, there's more where that came from. take your pick:
http://www.state.ok.us/osfdocs/cities.html

threetoedsloth said...

Bowlegs, Oklahoma??? GENE AUTRY, Oklahoma???

blythe said...

for reals.

CGHill said...

Not to mention Slapout.

PETA did indeed try to inveigle Slaughterville into changing its name; they made a similar pitch to Fishkill, New York.

blythe said...

can't believe i forgot that!

good to know. slaughterville sounds better than fishkill any day anyway. new york...

Redneck. Diva. said...

For several years, there was a sign just as you exited the interstate into my wonderful little town of Miami which read "Welcome to My-am-uhhhhhh."

And we wonder wy people think all Okies are retarded. When you greet visitors with a phrase that ends in "uhhhhh" you are not making the best first impression.

And for the record, technically Miami (My-am-uhhhh, anyway) is named for the Indian tribe.

Winter said...

OK is probably the most disappointing state I have ever been to.

(I'm sorry!)

Anonymous said...

I liked your post. I saw the link on the Lost Ogle.