Friday, June 15, 2007

It's Friday, I'm in Love

with my motherfucking car, that's what. It's finally here! Just picked 'er up. Yes, i realize she's a pile (not unlike this blog), but I love her. She vibrates like an electric toothbrush with meth toothpaste yet I find myself feeling an indescribable affection toward her, not unlike a second pet. In any case, I can go places now! As long as it doesn't involve speed limits over 50 - 53 tops or distances greater than 20 miles - she's a fragile ladycar. So call me and I'll meet you there! In the meantime, I forgot it was jam packed with my summer clothes. I've been shopping out of my trunk for the past half hour.

Mr. Shain, please note today's date (you may have to click on it). I TOLD YOU. Recognize.

Also, I was trying to light a candle with a wick way down in the bottom of the candle crater by angling and aligning the candle, the lighter and my eye when I singed part of my left eyebrow. It's not too noticeable because I have light eyebrows, but still, just wanted to warn anyone I might see.

Oh, to be me.

You're not going to call, are you.

15 comments:

Mr. Shain said...

In case readers don't remember, Blythe shipped her car in February and it didn't arrive until June. Also, it should be noted that prior to shipping, Blythe filled the trunk with perishable food items from Trader Joes and Whole Foods. Yum-O.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Holy Shit - the city council approved $162 million budget???? That's whack!

blythe said...

It's totally whack. DO NOT move here.

5 of 9er said...

Yea for freedom... even if the distance is less than 20 miles.

Julie_Gong said...

Two things...

1. Once I was doing something illegal with a pipe and it was the smallest pipe in the history of pipes... actually I think it was like a real pipe for plumbing in a tiny dollhouse or something and I burned the eyelashes off my right eye.
2. I once lite a lighter with my feet. Because I can. And because I am awesome.

blythe said...

9er - oh yes. it's delightful. you know what's not delightful? effing gas prices!

julie - 1. ouch. that was god punishing you, i'm pretty sure. i'm guessing you haven't done it since. 2. that needs to be on youtube, i think.

JebusHChrist said...

So this post isn't new, Per Se, but it's new to me.
This is why I like your moves, Blythe, because I never know what you're talking about and it doesn't matter.
Style > Substance (as always)

And, Mr Shain's comment added an entirely new layer of hilarity to this story so I laughed again.
Well done, you two.

blythe said...

no, it's not. and the fact that you have read through the backlog of crap that is my internet life (which, coincidentally is my real life - but don't tell anyone) is alarming. and heartening. i'm glad you like my moves, but someone so complimentary of course raises a red flag. also, since it's return to my life, that fucking heap has cost me hundreds! hundreds! oh god i need to win the lottery. looks like another night of 40s and scratch off tickets for me. and maybe an obligatory episode of law and order. or is a csi on tonight?

JebusHChrist said...

It is disturbing when people do that, trust me. I had someone on my blog for 4 days last week reading my archives. Every single post from beginning to end.

I had to get a sample since I added you to my blogroll so I read "best idea ever", "drunken asshole", "crapola", and "eyebrows".
I saw enough ( probably too much).
Carry on.

blythe said...

holy crap. that wasn't me. i promise. or do i? trust. it's tricky, eh?

yes. and thanks for that. no one of your reputation has willingly added me. i'm shocked, really. also, i only recently began adding labels, so you're missing a lot. of crap.

what does carry on mean exactly? do you watch project runway? i suspect you don't, but hope you do. if so, you will know the significance of carry on. i've said too much already.

i do know grammar. i didn't mean 'it's' in the previous comment. i was excited by the prospect of another night in front of the glow of the tube with my forty and power ball tickets. carpe diem.

JebusHChrist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JebusHChrist said...

No, it wasn't you, unless you went to Atlanta to stalk my blog, in which case, that's (terrifying) sneaky and batshit charming.

My reputation? hmmmm... I can only imagine what that means. Of course, because of my narcissism, I take it as a compliment! Label away.

You suspect wrong. I love Project Runway. We were really hungover one Sunday and unable to move. The channel was Bravo and it was heavenly. We watched the entire first season marathon. Tim Gunn is a goddamed American hero. I've been told that hearing Tim Gunn's voice coming out of my body is enough to make a drunk gay man sober and bi (I don't even know what that means but [*see above] I took it as a compliment).

Drinkin', gamblin', and television. Mix in a leather wrist cuff and some horrible music and you're Toby Keith. How sweet.

blythe said...

someone spends inordinate amounts of time on here from atlanta too. it appears they arrive here via my myspace page, which is exciting, but terrifying. i can only assume it's tisha, or marissa or one of the other scantily clad skanks that want to just chat with me.

ok, so do you remember when santino would make fun of tim gunn for how he said "andre?" favorite. thing. ever. i'm trying to convince the bff to name her new kitten santino. i already have a friend whom i coerced into naming his boston terrier nina garcia. moral: DO NOT BE friends with me if you want to name your own pet.

you know that mr. keith lives in my hometown sometimes, right? he goes to almost all of the OU football games. i'll tell him you said hi and that you LOVE his music. are you from iowa? i only ask because this comment is buried and if you've said it, i've forgotten. i'll bet we beat you this year (you being iowa state).

JebusHChrist said...

Yes, I remember. As much as I disliked his garish tiger adorned t-shirts I liked his attitude and his Gunn-love. Don't worry about the pet naming, I name all of my pets Mr McGee.

I do know that about TK, which is why I made the comparison. Had you been near Stillwater I would have gone with Brooks. I am from Iowa, but even here, no one likes Iowa State. We all love the Hawkeyes (and fucking hate that Judas Bob Stoops).

blythe said...

Gunn love! i'm so making t-shirts that say gunn love. thank you. you will receive no credit. hope that's ok. the back will say carry on. gin is telling me this is a genius idea.

ah, i see you're up on the birthplaces of country music stars. i like that. i know them all. do i listen to country? no. let me just name drop here for a minute: my uncle went to OSU with garth, so one time, i went fishing with them, but i was too young to remember. i suppose bob is a judas round your parts. here's he's god. but he'll never be jesus.