Thursday, May 31, 2007

Confessions of a person with nothing interesting to post about.

Since it appears that literally no one is reading this thing anymore (is it something I said? I didn't think it was any shittier than usual, but eh, what do I know?), I thought I would take this time to get a few things off my chest.

1. I am 83% in love with Jason Bateman and 104.36% in love with Michael Cera. Brother bee-spot was infected with the sickness that has stricken all of Norman, so, being the good sister I am, I made him drive me to Blockbuster to pick up season one of Arrested Development. Now, I've seen every episode twice, but the little bro has not, so we spent last night catching him up, and, well, I am more in love than ever. Yes, I realize both are out of my target age group, but fuck it. Michael has a band! He's in a new movie! He's darling! I just checked his MySpace page. We both like The Master and Margarita and Brendan Benson. Meant to be. Jason must be a sarcastic bastard with a heart of gold, just like Michael Bluth and I love him for it. Actually, since this is confession time, I just said I had a TV crush on Jason Bateman to not make it so weird that I think an 18 year old is neat. Lame, I know.

2. Speaking of lame, I love Netflix as much as the next two million people that use it, but there was a special something about actually going to Blockbuster last night and that something was a Diet Coke and Twizzlers. Netflix can't deliver that to your door. Unless I've forgotten so sign up for some new service. Which reminds me of the doomed that I experienced my summer living in NY. Man, that was great. I could order a movie, Ben and Jerry's, and Elle and it would arrive in maybe 36 minutes. Sweet. Not that I did that. I was out every night soaking up culture and shit.

3. My parents are going out of town this week and I'm having the party I never had in high school. Score! Yeah, so, I don't have as many (or any) friends as back in the day, but this time I can buy beer. Sunday night, my place. See you there. Seriously. Not even kidding.

4. Galaxy Quest is a totally rad movie. Completely underrated. I will watch it every time, but I like to deny I enjoy it for some reason. Makes me feel too nerdy. If that's possible.

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5. This isn't really any kind of revelation, just something that happened yesterday. My dad's b-day was a few weeks back (see iPod incident), but I guess my grandparents just got around to sending a gift. Or something. Because when he opened the package he found the following: two rolls of toilet paper, paperback book, flashlight. Can someone explain this?

6. I hate Facebook. It's like a technological manifestation of the cool kids lunch table (X and Y are in a relationship! I'm sooo tired from being in the Peace Corps and saving the world! So and so finally decided that American Idol sucks and changed her interests.) I didn't sit at it then and I don't want to pretend like I'm sitting at it now. I'm considering signing off. The shame!

7. I want AJ to kill Tony. Livia tries to kill Tony, Junior tries to kill Tony, Tony kills Christopher, Tony saves AJ. Remember last week how Carm was blaming Tony's family for the "curse" of depression? So, AJ kills Tony and ends this alleged "curse" and completes the circle by reversing the motif of filicide. Of course, it happens in the pool. Also, while I will miss the Sopranos dreadfully, I'm looking forward to being released from its steely grip because I've been terrible at watching Lost these past few weeks. I've got a lot of catching up (i.e. geeking out on fan websites) to do.

8. I like Taco Bell.

9. I read like it's my job.


Books I claim to be reading:

"Books" actually read:

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Zack Harrison Memorial Music Monday and P.S.A.

Warning - this is a super weird mix of shit I've been listening to.

Texaco - Blitzen Trapper: So guess what? These guys are playing with the Hold Steady and Illinois when they come to town! Guess who already has her tickets...

This Will Be Our Year - Ok Go: Apparently, I have a soft spot for the Zombies. This cover is so sweet.

Shelter - Ray Lamontagne: When I'm lonely, I know I can always listen to good ol' ray and know there's someone else more miserable. Thanks for that.

Ankle Injuries - Fujiya and Miyagi: Crazy song. Crazier video.

In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel: Yes, this band and song have been out for forever. It's still a winner. Also, I finally realized that this song reminds me of Elvis Perkins.

Summertime Cowboy - Husky Rescue: Remember this? Ah yes.

Soft Serve - Soul Coughing: Mike Doughty has that monotone thing down and I just can't resist.

Magazine Called Sunset - Wilco: I don't know. It sounds like a tropical drink.

Speaking of which, Mermaid Avenue is my album of the week. Get it. Listen to it. Thank me later (even though it came out in '98 and chances are you already have it and are tired of it).

P.S.A. - Go see Waitress. It was delightful. It was all warm and fuzzy and chick flicky and I totally ate it up. Also, there is a brilliant montage featuring Cake, which automatically makes this one a favorite. Chances are, you haven't heard this one in a bit. Enjoy. Short Skirt/Long Jacket.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Champagne, you are a snake in the grass.

I think the beginning of the end was that there was a four hour gap between the wedding ceremony and the reception. I'm not sure what was happening with the bride and groom during this little break (I have a guess, but I've yet to find someone who needs four hours), but most of the youngsters were guzzling red bull and vodka at an alarming rate. Gotta prepare for the free bar, you know. We made our way to the reception location and were greeted with the first of many glasses of champagne. The reception was held at the Oklahoma Museum of Natural History, which was interesting. There were no flowers allowed. There's kind of an atriumish area that served as the dance floor featuring a giant bronze mastodon. Who doesn't love dinosaurs? During the speeches and cake cutting, Morgan and I almost exploded from stifled laughter because the whole thing took place in front of its balls. Right, so food eaten (delicious, delicious gravlax!), speeches made, old people music played, champagne eagerly consumed, youngerish people music played, dance dance revolution. It was actually really fun seeing all of these kids from high school with whom I don't usually hang out, since they're all better than me and shit. I saw one kid that I haven't seen in forever, but was in MA at MIT the same time as me. We should've been friends. Oh well. I eeked out a polite hello to the exbf's father and expertly avoided his mother. I hope a good time was had by all and I wasn't a terrible date.

As per usual, the end of the night gets a little fuzzy, but I've figured a few things out. I talked at length to parents of an elementary school friend, who hopefully thought my tipsiness was charming. I return stalked the kid that propositioned me at New Years. We all headed over to one of the groom's friends hotel room for an after party of sorts. I think I ate pizza as I woke up with a touch of heartburn. I almost dropped some gifts. I definitely smoked a cigarette. I slept on a sleeping bag. All in all, not too bad, for me. Except maybe it was. I dunno.

I took a few pictures, but I look terrible, so instead, I'll provide you with a moment when Morgan was asked by the father of the groom (to whom you never say no) to serenade the couple with an acapella rendition of For Sentimental Reasons. It was a good party trick. She also caught the bouquet. And there were a lot of ladies competing for that one.

And now my feet hurt from wearing heels for a million hours. Does that count as a work out of any kind?

Update: I had another snapshot of the evening. It involved me somehow roping Seth Witten into a conversation. Sorry buddy, I'm sure it wasn't the most coherent of my life.

Also, in case you're living under a rock, Linds got busted! [TMZ]

And now, back to the Monk marathon on USA. You know you want to.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

It's Saturday, I'm in Love

with high school. But not really. My little brother's high school graduation ceremony was last night, although, due to snow days, he'll actually be going back next week to take his finals. Ha! Anyway, all of the hubbub got me to thinking, which is tough considering I have only three surviving brain cells. Even though it was only seven years ago, the details are fuzzy, or it might be that I'm trying to block out High School Fiasco to the Max 2000. The night before, when we were all done with school, I think I was doing some front yard drinking (we were emboldened by our newfound achievement) with L-Ma, C-tina and co when the then and now exbf showed up. He had flown in from New Hampshire for the occasion as a surprise. He showed up in his sister's car and came to my window (with mysteriously bleached hair - bad phase), just like he normally would've (we were so Dawson's Creek), but unfortunately for him, I kinda forgot to mention that I was dating someone else. Awkward. I can't remember exactly how this situation was resolved, but it involved a parking lot (but, seriously, would you really want to date me, you know who you are, so you can stop reminding me of it), probably a bit of crying, subsequent drinking and awkwardly making the rounds of graduation parties.

A week later, I promptly up and moved to NYC with the exbf. Best. Decision. Ever. Or not. This time of year, I get really nostalgic for that time in my life. I really loved living in Manhattan. Yeah, it was only for four months, yeah I had an internship at some up and coming dot com (that actually survived!) where I essentially helped them spend $1 million in venture capital on entertainment, yeah I was young and cuter, but I still loved it. Going from Norman, Oklahoma to New York without anything in between was quite something. We lived on W 115th and Amsterdam in a very small room in an apartment with four Columbia Law School students who I'm sure were thrilled to cohabitate with underage hicks. For the first week, before the internship, I'd wake up every morning and wander around the city, getting completely and often irreversibly lost until dark (to avoid the lack of air conditioning - something still very foreign to me). I was in love, as almost anyone who comes to the city is. Blah blah blah. Because of our jobs, exbf and I got into a surprising amount of parties at bars and had a pretty great time - most of the time. Maybe too good of a time. At the rooftop soiree (read a barbeque after which I was renamed meat wench for the rest of the summer - love you guys!) I threw for my company, I drank enough Heineken to fell a husky frat boy and puked my guts out on the platform for the 1/9 at 72nd street. Pure awesomeness. In spite of regular bouts with relationship immaturity (there were several epic fights - one where I threw a spoon, a few where he cried, lots of stomping about, one restaurant walked out of, total meltdown at the same 72nd and Broadway train stop), I had a really great time. Saturday afternoons napping in Central Park, a new wardrobe from Anthropologie, weed (and ice cream! - thanks delivered to your door, getting hit on in the train, carrying on a strange cyber-affair with one of my semi bosses that culminated with him begging me to dump exbf (shoulda listened), shopping at Fairway on a daily basis even though I didn't need to, trips on the LIRR to the cold beach, thinking I would die in a cab, dumplings at The Cottage, free concerts everywhere, the terrifying spectacle that was Canal Street, celebrity sightings, all the cultural shit, food I couldn't have dreamed of, etc.

Back to high school graduation. My brother chose to take the HUGE financial aid package/incentive provided to him by OU rather than embarking on tens of thousands of dollars of student loans that Columbia required, so I guess my dream of living in his dorm room closet is kaput. Someday, someday I will pay an obscene amount to live in a space smaller than my current walk in closet to work at a mindless job and buy $12 gin and tonics when I'm not too tired from dragging my ass up the seven flights of stairs to my lonely apartment save for my presumable cat.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Sickie McSickerson Update

Still feeling shitty, but I just watched probably six (I'm not so good with numbers) episodes of Weeds on demand. Holy shit that show is awesome! I can't believe I've been fucking around with How I Met Your Mother when this show has been available. Not only is Mary Louise Parker the hottest MILF (sorry Brit) around and will now serve as my fashion icon, but the music is pretty rad too. Check it. This might be the cough syrup talking, but I think this show is the real deal (even if I am coming to the party two years late). Can't wait for season 3. In the meantime, listen to Holland by Sufjan Stevens and drain that bottle of tussin. You know you want to.

In an unrelated story, Shain just sent me a link to this (hint: it involves My Little Ponies). As he put it, "they really want to be free. had you not thrown it, it would have jumped." This is what he's talking about.

It was bound to happen. Spending months in very small spaces with a bunch of dirty adolescents will get you sick. To tell the truth, I'm surprised I haven't contracted worse than this shitty cold thing.

  1. burning throat? check.
  2. fever, but with no fun hallucinations? check.
  3. full body achiness? check.
  4. neon green mutant snot? check.
  5. and here's the kicker: loss of appetite? check. which must mean i'm really sick.

Thankfully, it's a nasty stormy day, so spending some QT on my couch with my comforter and dog seems justified. Also, V for Vendetta is on On Demand. Yes, I realize I am the last person alive to have not seen this thing. Deal with it. The only sucky thing aside from the fire raging in my throat is no one to lavish undue attention on me. Blah. It's fine.

Hello friend.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Goulet Wednesday News Round Up: Blythe's Boring Life Edition

The end of school is making me crazy(-y+ier)). The kids have gone completely ape shit or whatever. Pretty much all of the delinquents have been suspended, but have inspired the previously good kids to mayhem in their last days of compulsory education. There's a food fight scheduled during 8th grade lunch on Friday. I will be wearing a poncho. It will be like Gallagher, but probably funnier and with less watermelon. But who knows. Anyway, point is, I'm a wee bit stressed out. When I get stressed out, instead of doing productive things like exercise, meditate, breathe deeply, I do things like spend insane amounts of time online and watching copious amounts of TV, searching for things to make me forget about my lame ass if only for a couple of minutes.

Stuff of note: (Chances are you are more familiar with this shit than I (in fact, I'd be worried if you weren't), but blow me. I'm a slow learner.)

  • This Robot Chicken clip makes me pee my pants with laughter. Maybe it can do the same for you.

  • Human Giant 24 hour marathon! It was awesome! I watched a lot of it. A lot. If you can figure out how to make The Illusionators my ringtone, I'll pay you $5. Thanks.
  • Speaking of magic, this is sorta funny.

  • Everyone loves to hate Red Eye as much as me! [Gawker]
  • Blake totally sucked last night. It's a lock for Jordin. Not that I care. But I do. Enough with the fucking "beat boxing." (Good) people have been doing it for years. Shut up.
  • Only two more episodes! It's all about the pool. The ducks, Tony and Carm's reunion sexy time, AJ's near death experience. Gotta love it! Except when I'm crying because Meadow is crying because Tony is crying because Carmela is crying because AJ has feelings.
  • I'm addicted to reading Splendora. Girly, I know.

Music Time!

Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams: I had no idea I liked Ryan Adams this much. Huge! This song is a heartbreaker, but in that good way.

Solta o Frango - Bonde do Role: Hello happysummertimemusic!

Rattlesnake Charm - Sean Hayes: You'll have to get this one from iTunes, but I promise, it's totally worth it.
Prank Calls - Kelley Stoltz
: Piano driven fun. Also, I think he does all of it himself. Impressive.

Jane Weaver - Weathered: Sad bastard, I know. Sounds like it should be on an episode of Grey's.

Australia - The Shins

We've Been Had - The Walkmen: If you like Cold War Kids and ice cream trucks, chances are you'll like this.

Missed the Boat - Modest Mouse: I'm trying to warm up to the news stuff, I really am.

You and Moon - Adem: I have no idea what this is, but catchy. Kind of sounds Psappish.

Cold Hands (Warm Heart) - Brendan Benson: He'd better watch out as Ryan Adams is stepping up to take his place in my cold heart (warm hands).

The Spirits and I - Royal Wood: Can't find it. iTunes. That's what it's there for. Also, glockenspiel!!!!!!

Sweet is the Anchor - Steve Dawson: Also can't find it, but get it, so you have it.

M. Ward and friends played Conan. Chinese Translation is still one of my favorites.

It's me snitches

Hey there. Sorry for the absence. I checked Sitemeter and all three (3) of you that read have logged on to find no new content. I've just been really busy. Mainly, I've been occupied by things like shame, Mexican food, 13 year olds, sobbing through the last episode of the Soprano's (it's alright, baby), helping my brother pass high school English and the series finale (BOO CW!) of Veronica Mars. So, yeah.

Zack Harrison Memorial Music Monday (Wednesday edition):

This weekend, I embarked on one of the strangest drinking experiences I've had yet. Initially it involved me being able to finally being able to put my obsessive reading of all Robert B. Parker novels (hello Spencer!) to good use by answering a Trivial Pursuit question correctly, but ended with my underwear. Don't ask, but just know, I destroyed all of the pictures along with any remaining dignity and my liver. It reminded me of many a lost weekend spent in the bowels of a certain fraternity basement at Dartmouth during my college years. When you're 20 and attend a women's college, it's (in my book) completely acceptable to rage for an entire weekend amidst popped collared date rapists playing pong until six in the morning, booting in an already puke-filled trashcan, showering where entitled boys jerk off regularly, then starting all over again by 10(am). However, I am no longer 20. In fact, I'm almost 26 and such behavior must come to an end. And it has. I will now dedicate myself to mature pursuits. I will read books. I will go for runs. I will eat salads. I will read the newspaper from front to back. I will watch Planet Earth. I will figure out what happened to that 401K. I will stop buying all of my clothes at Forever 21. I will consider life insurance.

In the meantime, I present you with this fraternity basement inspired mix:

That Was A Crazy Game of Poker - OAR
The General - Dispatch

Barrel of a Gun - Guster

Miss Fat Booty Pants - Mos Def

Get It Together - Beastie Boys
lack Betty - Ram Jam

The Seed (2.0) - The Roots

I Just Wanna Love U (Give it 2 Me) - Jay Z

Fool in the Rain - Led Zeppelin

Thunderstruck - AC/DC

Children's Story - Slick Rick

Digital Love - Daft Punk

Award Tour - A Tribe Called Quest

Can't Get High - Widespread Panic

So, just a small sampling. I'm not going to lie, most of my time was spent pounding solo cups of Natty Light or fighting with the exbf, so the details are fuzzy. M-ret and I once infiltrated the sacred 100 disc changer and played our own mix. Then we got in trouble. And then I found $5.

More to come soon (like Goulet Wednesday, my favorite Seinfeld episode, thoughts on the most recent Sopranos ep, school's almost out, my baby brother is graduating from high school which means I'm super, best dog ever, non-frat playlist, etc). Time to watch Red Eye, so catch you on the flipside, suckas.


Saturday, May 19, 2007

Did I mention I'm single?

If you are an avid reader of this blog, which I suspect you are (not), then you know that I am totally sweet and awesome. Every now and then, or maybe just once a year. In the meantime, it can be tough going. As I've stated before, I am happy to be single, most of the time, and truly, this is best for everyone. However, every few weeks I just get this intense pang of relationship jealousy. I scowl at happy couples blithely shopping at Super Target. I hope they are there to ashamedly purchase pregnancy tests or anal itch cream. I hope that some lady's GIANT engagement ring is cubic zirconia or fake gold and turns her finger green, then she breaks up with the douche because he's cheap, then she and I become BFF's in our shared misery. I start to identify with characters in Sex and the City reruns. Disastrous. I am in one of those unfortunate moods. I have to remind myself, that while being part of a couple has, um, a lot of benefits (namely boo-tay), being single is the shit!

  1. I can sleep diagonally!
  2. I actually do my laundry instead of just buying new clothes!
  3. I don't have to sit through shitty action movies!
  4. I only have to deal with one set of insane parents!
  5. I read books! (sort of)
  6. I can listen to my music at ungodly volumes without shame!
  7. I can eat like a maniac!
But, of course, there are drawbacks. I think, lately, I've been especially missing the element of having a co-conspirator. It's hard to make, then carryout often terrible, impulsive decisions alone. I like to do things like drive through the country going from one yard sale to the next till I'm in another state with a trunk full of absolutely worthless crap that I will come to love. I like to drive two states away for dinner, get too tired to drive back, check into a hotel at 4.30am, then try to make it back in time for work. I like to try recipes that are far too difficult for the home chef that require (frequently multiple) trips to specialty stores and sometimes live deliveries via the internet. Good times.

The other day, because I am currently musically obsessed with Brendan Benson, I found this spectacular song. Somehow, Brendan knew, back in 2003, what I would be feeling in Spring 2007 and wrote this song from the current contents of my head. The man is a genius. Take a listen.

In honor of my shitty mood, I present you with the following playlist in case you're getting some.

Let's Make Out, Indie Style:

Helpless - Needle
Game for Fools - Jamie Lidell
Hold You In My Arms - Ray Lamontagne
Together - Raconteurs
Tulips - Fancy Trash
Intuition - Feist
Post War - M. Ward
To Be Alone With You - Sufjan Stevens
Make a Plan To Love Me - Bright Eyes
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
Volcano - Damien Rice
She's a Jar - Wilco
By Your Side - Cocorosie
Samson - Regina Spektor
Inaudible Melodies - Jack Johnson
Glory Box - Portishead
Road - Nick Drake
Sundress - Ben Kweller
Love, Love, Love (love love) - As Tall As Lions
Butterfly Nets - Bishop Allen
On Your Porch - The Format
Let My Love Open The Door - M. Ward
Dream - Alice Smith
You Can Bring Me Flowers - Ray Lamontagne
Citrus - The Hold Steady
Pregnant - Cold War Kids
Star Witness - Neko Case
Gamble Everything For Love - Ben Lee
Why - Andrew Bird
Your Place - Zero 7
Words You Used To Say - Dean and Britta
All The Night Without Love - Elvis Perkins
The Greatest - Cat Power
Let it Die - Feist
Pin a Rose on Me - Chuck Prophet
Put a Spell On You - Aqualung
Waiting Line - Zero 7
Janine - Soul Coughing
Sovay - Andrew Bird
I'm a Broken Heart - The Bird and the Bee
Something About You Girl - Tahiti 80
Lay and Love - Bonnie Prince Billy
Lucky Dime - Calexico
Can You Come for Me - The Poems
Last Request - Paolo Nutini
Moving Pictures Silent Film - Great Lake Swimmers
I'll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide
Everybody Daylight - Brightback Morning Light
What Light - Wildo
Shelter - Ray Lamontagne

Friday, May 18, 2007

It's Friday, I'm in Love

with guilty pleasures. It's pretty much the only kind of pleasure I get these days, unless you count eating Betty Crocker icing out of a can. Anyhoo, I realize that everyone has different ideas about what constitutes something of "guilty pleasure" status, and that I just might ruffle some feathers, but bite me. I care about a lot of things, but not this.

In no particular order:

Chili's: I will make fun of you to your face if you suggest that this shithole is worth frequenting. I will call you uncultured and accuse of having retarded tastebuds. Secretly, I will order an Awesome Blossom™ in my mind.

Diet Dr. Pepper: These days, in spite of claiming "I don't drink soda" (ok, also, I really say Coke now that I'm back home. Soda is for the North.), I drink about a case of this stuff every three days.

Work Out: This "reality" TV show on Bravo is one of its worst, right up there with "Shear Genius." The "trainers" are vapid attention whores who never break a sweat unless it's because they're doing each other or are drunk. But I love them. Mostly Jesse, though.

Egg Rolls: I could eat a pile of them at any given time. They are stuffed with cabbage and unidentifiable meat remnants. Gross. Delicious.

Harry Potter Franchise: This one could be controversial, but I feel like I'm too old to be so into this stuff. Yeah, I've pre-ordered my copy of the last book. Watching the new movie on July 13 just might be my first solitary movie-going experience, but I will stop at nothing to see the next installment.

Maroon 5: Adam Levine is adorable! He looks like he'd fit in my pocket and sings like a poor man's Stevie Wonder.

Notting Hill: I will stop everything that I am doing to watch this movie, no matter what channel it's on, no matter when it's on. It's the chief reason I'm haven't achieved many of my goals. I once was applying to med school, but then NH came on USA. Then there was that time I was studying for the LSAT and it was on HBO.

Blogging: An exercise in narcissism on a scale I had not yet participated. I am addicted. I wish you were. Addicted to my blog.

Buying novels in the grocery store check out line: I know better. I should be at a local book shop picking up Michael Chabon's latest. Instead, I just picked up Robert B. Parker's latest, a pack of gum, tampons and Diet Dr. Pepper at Super Target. Did I mention I'm single?

Red Eye on Fox: I find myself staying up till one in the morning to watch this train wreck. I just can't help myself. Last night, David Hauslaib (of Jossip) was contributing. Combining gossip blogs with a snarky pop culture show makes my heart sing. Even if it is on Fox.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Goulet Wednesday News Round Up (Thursday Edition)

I've received several emails and calls lamenting the lack of Goulet Wednesday News Round Up. Again, I apologize. Sometimes I just get busy. Gettin' busy. No, that's not true. Neither is people wanting this post. In fact, I got an email asking me to stop. Thanks Mom.

  • Get well soon Pam! This is precisely why I avoided high heels for so long. Thank God it's summer and wear my flip flops. Also, I go nowhere fancy. [Pop Candy]
  • In a related story, The Office season finale is tonight. [NBC]
  • In another related story, my Thursday nights return to sucking.
  • Not late breaking, but funny. Also, this totally happened to me once back in college. Except the calling 911 part. I thought I was hearing voices until the next day, when I realized I was - because I had been watching TV. [Freep]

  • At Smith College, we had this wonderful, magical thing called the "free box." It was usually in the dorm kitchen, brimming with the best cast off clothing a 40K per year education could buy. I lived in a pretty crunchy house, so everything was made of hemp and smelled like patchouli and pits. (However, in the quad, where the straight rich girls hid, you could score some pretty sweet stuff. Real Lacoste and shit.) Anyway, I'm pretty sure Brit got this outfit from the Sessions house free box. Also, she hates her mom. [Yeeeah]

  • Remember how great Sports Night was? Me too. One more Aaron Sorkin show down the drain. [CNN]
  • Dear Mark Ruffalo, you are my favorite. [Pop Sugar]
  • Dear America, you are retarded. Really? You voted Melinda off? If Blake wins, I'm moving to Canada. [Dlisted]
  • Jessica Alba has a drinking problem. A sexy drinking problem. [WWTDD
  • I honestly don't remember what my life was like before Best Week Ever. Probably sad. [BWE]

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Top That!

L-Ma and I were chillin' in the automatic car wash reminiscing about old times including the timeless movie, Teen Witch. You can't tell me you don't remember this. Also, reader(s), do you remember a movie about peanut butter being used to make some sort of magic potion to make hair grow? Everyone's seen it, but no one can remember. So top that. (I'm gonna be the most popular girl!) (Oh, and I like boys.)

Monday, May 14, 2007

Sweet Lincoln's mullet! (spoiler alert)

Last night's episode of the Sopranos was the balls! To the max! I'm not gonna lie - I didn't see that one coming. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've wanted it to happen since I first met Christofuh, but still - I thought it would be A.J. Eh, no big loss. He's caused nothing but trouble for T. Good riddance. This is the kind of shit I've been waiting two years for (now, if we could just get rid of fucking Paulie). Thank you, Mr. Chase. Also, I was 96.4% sure that Drama was going to run into Tony and that hot chick in the desert. Here's to peyote! Here's to Chrissy.

Zack Harrison Memorial Music Monday

I was doing some organization of the ol' playlists this weekend, digging up forgotten favorites, when I noticed that I rarely listen to lady singers. What's up with that? Aside from Feist and some Cat Power here and there, I'm kind of stuck in a boy band rut. Hmm. See below (must listen in bold):

You Drift Away - The Postmarks: Yes, they canceled their show, but I forgive them.

Post War - M. Ward: This song literally reduces me to a pile of goo. There's something about it that renders me motionless (even my eyelashes relax), but still makes me want to slow dance.

Alaska - Dr. Dog: This is perfect summertime music. It was 90 degrees this weekend. I sweat. It was great.

Red Eye - Ben Kweller: I kind of od'd on this Ben a bit ago, but this song put him back in my rotation.

Not for All the Love In the World - The Thrills
: Yeah, I know this one's been out for awhile and it's probably been used in a movie staring Ashton Kutcher and/or Hillary Duff, but whatever. I like it.

Love of the Loveless* - Eels: I always forget how much I love the Eels. *Not the band's music video, but I couldn't find anything else.

Alternative to Love - Brendan Benson: No, we are not related. Yes, we are both exceptionally talented. I'm not a huge White Stripes fan, but the Raconteurs have been rocking my socks lately. Then I find Brenden doing his own thing (which apparently happened years ago - I've never claimed to be on top of this stuff). Fantastic. This is my favorite song this week. I'm not sure what version this is, it's all I could find. Be sure to check out the album version.

I've Been Thinking - Handsome Boy Modeling School: I have to admit, I'm not as impressed with the latest album (So...How's Your Girl is genius), but this song, featuring Cat Power, isn't too shabby.

Easy / Lucky / Free - Bright Eyes: I am becoming obsessed. This is not good.

Here's a Telephone - Page France: I have no idea who or what these people are, but I like this song. A lot.

The Way We Get By - Spoon: Confession time - I didn't know who Spoon was until I Siobhlogger put them on a mix for me because I Turn My Camera On was on Veronica Mars. I think Paper Tiger is still my favorite, but they're reliable all around.

Must Be The Moon - !!!: This video is pretty much my normal Friday night.

Lovers Need Lawyers - The Good Life: It's true. I might have my dog, but probably not because lawyers need money.

Heard Somebody Say - Devendra Banhart: He's so weird.

What Light - Wilco: Hello old friend. I've missed you.

I'm a Broken Heart - The Bird and the Bee: I am.

All You Need to Do - The Feeling: I like songs that sound like they use megaphones.

Mermaids - I Am Kloot: When I was little, I'd take those diving rings and put them around my ankles and then pretend I was a mermaid when I was in the pool. Fun times.

I Went To The Hospital - Cass McCombs
: Sounds like it was recorded in a lonely bathroom. You'll have to iTunes it yourself.

Friday, May 11, 2007

It's Friday, I'm Not In Love

I decided to keep a diary of sorts this week to chronicle my unlovelife. I'm not sure why. I don't really focus on it all that much as there are other things to think about (1. When is Forever 21 opening? 2. What's on sale at the liquor store? 3. What has Lindsay done this week? Oh Lindsay...). Not a lot of action these days. Perhaps a good thing, though. I was kind of on overdrive there for a bit.


10.15p: Time for my weekly dose of Americana and Pacifico at the Deli with a friend.
11ish: See one night stand/high school acquaintance amidst the crowd. Now, this really shouldn't be weird, and it's not, except it kind of is for some reason. I'm an adult. This is nothing new. There's still something about being in a room with someone who's been in you. You know?
12ish: Am smoking cigarette. This is not a good sign. In fact, it's the international Blythe sign for tipsy and take me home asap.


2,4,6a: Bolt awake to the lightning/tornado battering Norman. Apparently, I have a love/hate relationship with lightning. It fascinates me, but I want to hide under the bed.
8a: See five missed calls from my mother who cannot handle the fact that sometimes I stay out all night. Resolve to have a talk with her about this.
7p: Discuss sad state of affairs with brother bee-spot. He decides to revive me by ordering pizza, extra pineapple. Just what I need, right? But it's a nice thought.
8:55p: Old high school boyfriend calls. We discuss the finer points of MS word and shoot the shit for a bit.
11p: Hit the hay. Alone. Not entirely. Claire curls up in my leg crook.


9a: Half day at work. Use time to run errands. Lots of holidays and b-days coming up. Speaking of which, I have about five birthday gifts to various friends backlogged (Sadly sitting in their respective bags in my closet . I'll get to it. Which reminds me of my impending birthday. Being single and 26 is ok, right?
1p: I like to subject the kiddos to my music as my own anthropological experiment. They do not like Arcade Fire or Son Volt. They do like Ben Kweller and Postal Service. They abhor Bright Eyes. They do not know what the word "abhor" means. Suddenly wish I could subject a more captive audience to my musical stylings.
1.05p: Think about what to make for dinner. Miss my own kitchen. Miss cooking with someone other than family. Miss food adventures.
8.30p: Whine my way into convincing Mr. Shain to go to the Postmarks show at the Opolis. Guilt brother bee-spot into it too. We all arrive to discover the show has been canceled. We head to Bison Witches for a beer, which turns into sandwiches in lieu of ice cream, which is not on the menu. Brother bee-spot and Mr. Shain have a field day insulting me. Remember field day?


5.45a: Am I really waking up this early? Actually, it's much easier to wake up early alone. No blissfully sleeping person next to you to tempt you back into bed and be late. I decide I am much more productive, therefore happier sleeping alone regularly. Yes.
11.30a: Have fielded the usual questions from the kids about why I still don't have a significant other, etc (they like to give me shit every couple of weeks). They all do and can't understand what's wrong with me. There's a dance at school this Friday. They're all atwitter with who's going with whom.
8p: FINALLY convince L-Ma to make a social call. We meet Alex at Starbucks. Run into Andrew, whom I haven't seen in a few weeks, who invites me to be his wedding date (unless I misunderstood him) in a few weekends. Score! I love weddings. I really do. However, there is the potential of running into the exbf (I doubt he would fly home for this, but if his mom tells him to, he will) and definitely his parents. I've always liked his dad and have kind of missedhis jolliness. Must lose 20 pounds, gain boyfriend, cure cancer and become famous before May 26. I can do it.
9p: Lady at Starbucks has, I would guess, a 3 month old shepherd mix puppy that is literally breaking my heart. With every clumsy pounce, my aorta cracks. Her name is Delilah and she looks just like puppy Zealand, who I am starting to think I will never get over. It's stupid how close you can get to a dog.
12: Go to bed surprisingly content with things.


10.40a: Escape to Starbucks (it is unusual for me to be there twice in one week, I promise...) during my planning period. Am driving back to school with my iced coffee that I don't really want, but I'm trying not to eat anything (until after May 26), and am caught off guard when my eyes well up. I am listening to Bright Eyes singing "Make a Plan to Love Me." Fuck you Bright Eyes. I am turning into a teenager.
6p: Have plans to watch Metropolis at the museum at OU (and nerdily test my knowledge and memory of Weimar cinema), but end up heading back to school to watch a choir concert. A few kids requested my presence. They're hard to say no to. Mostly because some of them could totally beat me up. They actually seem appreciative that I'm there. Warm fuzzy moment.
8p: Engage in epic email conversation with Mr. Shain about all kinds of meaningless stuff. He's heading back to LA soon. I will be decidedly sad.
9.53p: Staring blankly at computer screen thinking about plans for this weekend.


4p: After school drinks. Much better than an after school snack.
5.30p: Now what?

UPDATE: Goulet Wednesday News Round Up (Thursday Edition)

1. I thought this little bit of news was so ubiquitous that it didn't need coverage, but perhaps I was wrong. Or maybe my joke was just bad. In either case, I don't normally sit around drunkenly eating hamburgers. Chee-tos yes, hamburgers, no.

2. Blythe and her unfortunate incarceration. Yes, I watched Designing Women. Wanna fight?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Goulet Wednesday News Round Up: Thursdsay Edition

You thought I had forgotten, didn't you.Well, I have a life outside this blog, you know. Like drunkenly eating hamburgers.

One more thing I have in common with Paris Hilton - jail time! [TMZ]

Paul Rudd's reign of awesomeness continues. And yes, I watch Veronica Mars. [BWE]

Not even Bob Jones University is requiring George Bush's commencement services. Sad. [MSNBC via WP]

Edward Marriedhands. [ICYDK]

Have you watched Red Eye on Fox yet? It's pretty much the televised version of what's swirling around my brain at any given time. Scary. Very scary. And embarrassing. Eh. Such is my life. [Jossip]

Blair: out. [NY Times]

View at your own risk: BWE

No worries, Posh. It happens to me all the time. [A Socialite's Life]

It's been kind of a slow week. I leave you with not one, but two videos featuring Demetri Martin. They've been all over the interwebs, but still.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

An open letter to Mr. Shain

Dear Shain,

You're good people, I know, but honestly, it's a good thing you're heading back to LA (any day now, right?) because, simply put, you are making me fat(ter). Here is a sample convo from our "friendship" for those who are unfamiliar:

Blythe: Hey Shain, how was school?

Shain: blah blah blah I'm making fun of your mom blah blah blah that's unfortunate

Blythe: Yeah, my whole life is pathetic, I know.

Shain: blah blah blah what's wrong with your hair? blah what are you wearing? what is that? blah.

Blythe: This? I just got it. Thought it was cute.

Shain: Uh huh. Interesting. Except not. Want to get some ice cream?

Blythe: We're at a bar.

Shain: (turns to server) Yes, we'll have the chocolate delight. Two spoons.

Blythe: I don't like chocolate.

Shain: (pats my thigh) Sure you don't. Sure you don't.

Blythe: (Guiltily shoving brownie into my mouth, washing it down with beer.)

No more random pastry. No more brownies with beer at 11pm. No more ice cream on hot afternoons. No more midnight waffles.

In fact, as I am writing this, you just called and asked if there will be ice cream at the show tonight. You say you are joking, but I am learning to understand your language of sarcasm and lies and believe that there is a hint of truth in the question. My pants are on strike. They seem to no longer want to fit. Also, my addictive personality can't take this temptation. I'm all stocked up in that department with beer and bad TV. So, it was fun while it lasted, but take your Sprinkles and Pinkberry and shove it.

Love in Christ,


Monday, May 07, 2007

Zack Harrison Memorial Music Monday

Hi there kids! It's Monday. You know what that means. Just remember, I do this for you. Someday you'll thank me.
Adele - White Mud Free Way: I can't remember how I recently came across this song, but I'm really into it. You'll have to iTunes it.

Hey Julie - Fountain of Wayne: I think I don't like Fountains of Wayne because they're too commercial, but then I saw the new Feist album on sale at Starbucks, so fuck it. I like them and this song. Also, it'd be nice if someone sang this kind of song about me. Oh well.

The Picture - Son Volt: This is a nice change from all the whiney sad bastardy music I'm always listening to. Kinda reminds me of Richard Thompson's "I Feel So Good."

Ooh La - The Kooks: I just love these guys.

Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games - Of Montreal: Ok, so yes, this song is in an Outback commercial. Not Outback as in Subaru, which I would be ok with, but the steakhouse. Eh. what're you gonna do? It's infectious.

Stop Me - Mark Ronson ft. Daniel Merriweather
: This song is a little dramatic and out of my usual comfort zone. I imagine myself in a movie montage. Perhaps perfecting my dancing abilities a la Julia Stiles in the great movie, Save The Last Dance.

Butterfly Nets - Bishop Allen: Their new EP just came out, but I like this one better. It's a perfect spring song. Also, I am available to play glockenspiel in your band. Call me.

Feist - I Feel It All: Ok, yes, I just need to go to Starbucks and buy the whole album instead of downloading each song one by one.

Don't Let Go - Pacha Massive: I have no idea who these people are or where they came from, but I think this could be my summer song. Don't make fun of me.

Hey Now Now - The Cloud Room: Pay the bus fare!

Momma's Boy - Tim Myers
: Yes, this was on Grey's. Whatevs.

Love, Love, Love (Love, Love) - As Tall As Lions: New favorite make out song. Were I to be making out. Which I am not.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Complaint Corner

Apparently, there is nowhere to get a bagel in this freaking town/part of the country. Do you people just not eat them? And why not? To me, they seem to be the quintessential southern/midwest food: dense carbohydrates covered in a Paula Deen approved substance involving the words "cream" and "cheese." Where's the Woodstar here? Bagel Basement? Finagle a Bagel? Any street vendor? Hell, I'd even settle for Bruegger's or Dunkin Donuts at this point. I tried to go to Panera, and of course, the one place that has them is crawling with young couples who have clearly just stumbled sexily (because they just did it - jerks) out of bed into their SUVs and headed to what seems to be the local sorostitute/frat hangout on 11am on a weekend morning. P.S. Dior sunglasses + Coach bag + Hollister shorts that could double as underwear = stupid. Also, when I got up to the counter, the choices left were french toast, whole grain and trail mix. What? I'm all about being crunchy, when it's convenient, but a trail mix bagel? Furthermore, God forbid should I want a bagel with smoked salmon, onions and capers. There's no such thing here. I got some tea instead.

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I love you.

Very distant second.

Friday, May 04, 2007

It's Friday, I'm in Love

with Friday. I am beat. I wore very cute, but very painful leopard print flats today and my feet want to die. I would give anything for a foot rub, but I also wouldn't accept one because I think my last pedicure was about six months ago and then there's the problem of having no one to rope into the endeavor. Among other things, I had to endure a pep assembly today. The sound of hell is dozens of screaming 13 year old girls - effing cheerleaders. Jeez. Blow out my eardrums. Thanks. Anyhoo, I'm tired, cranky, fighting the urge to drink and generally unpleasant to be around at the moment. Time to nap and regroup, not that you care. Maybe by the end of the day, I'll be in love. Stranger things have happened. Just not to me.

I leave you with this, the namesake:

Thursday, May 03, 2007

bee-spot suggests:

in lieu of an entertaining story or insight, here's a list of stuff that I would stick up for in a fight.

Honey Gentle Water, by L'occitane
Very soft, subtle spring sweetness and water based. Good for those of us sensitive to traditional perfumes.

Say what you will, but this record is something else. Innovative music videos (back when MTV actually played them) and relentlessly clever hooks about sweaters and surfing never sounded so good.

Survivor Man - Discovery Channel
Les Stroud is not as ruggedly good looking as Bear Grylls, but watching him lug his equipment across the tundra, through a rainforest and over a desert while honestly recounting his emotional and physical state is better than any other reality tv on today (ok, maybe aside from Dirty Jobs and Flip This House).

Hazelnut-chocolaty spread of the gods. Crepes? Sure. Toast? Ok. Fluff sandwich? Even better. Finger? Of course.

Psych - USA
If you've ever found yourself at home on a Friday night, you're a loser. Psych! Or, that's what you could be watching (or, as I do, you could catch the reruns... right...). While Monk is a winner, I'm kind of tired of the gimmick, but I still love detective shows. Plus, the guy's pretty good looking. So.

Creme Brulee Ben & Jerry's
I'm not a huge ice cream fan - sometimes in the summer or when it's a necessity, but this flavor is really tasty. I also don't like chocolate per se, so this is a nice alternative.
Portland based Khaela Maricich brings charm and sincerity to pop without saccharine. "Parentheses" is my favorite love song of the moment. "When you're, holding me/ We make a pair of parentheses."

Forever 21
Scoff if you must, but this store is packed with some of the best values out there. Shirts for $6.90! Skirts for $15! Cheap jewelry galore! Sure it all falls apart in two weeks, but you don't feel bad when you leave your earrings on someone's floor, in someone's car, etc.

FAGE Total 0%
This Greek yogurt is good enough to be desert. And fat free! Sign me up.

Jarvis - Jarvis Cocker
Who doesn't like Pulp? No one. So take a listen to Jarvis' new album. From start to finish.

Down comforters with no top sheet
Trust me. A good down comforter will be perfectly warm in the winter and delightfully comfortable in the spring. The key is no silly top sheet to stand between you and the fluff.

Iced green tea
I make a new pitcher everyday. Somehow, it's much easier to drink than hot. Hello antioxidants.

Hot Shit

Uh hello. Hot Fuzz is fucking awesome. In spite of epic idiocy on Saturday night, I did manage to conspire with Matt to make a date to see this totally rad (and I'm saying this completely unironically) movie. Clearly, I just got back and am high on British humo(u)r. We all know that Shaun of the Dead kicked zombie ass and this was no different, well, there are no zombies. Also, I am strangely attracted to Simon Pegg (actually, anyone named Simon would probably do the trick).

Here are the movie times in Norman (I assume you all know where the theater is, as there is only one):

Hot Fuzz
Rated R, 2 hr 1 min
(1:00), (3:45), 6:40, 9:25

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Sweetest Recline

So, this week has been fairly exhausting (and it's only Wednesday). The kiddies have gone completely nutso - only 17 days left. They fight. They call each other gay and retarded. It makes my liberal bleeding heart hurt. My voice is shot from yelling. My brain is fried from helping the little devils with their algebra (blythe + math = 5th grade understanding - third grade comprehension/calculator). It's all I can do not to haul myself to the corner liquor store (I stopped myself from saying package store - I really am forgetting my New Englandness) and buy a cheap bottle of Yellow Tail, which will undoubtedly give me a headache worse than the one I already have. Instead, I am going to plop myself in the tub with some green tea and listen to Ms. Beth Orton sing "Sweetest Decline"(download the whole thing, it's lovely also, thanks to Jess at I was told there would be bacon - weren't we all - for reminding me of the calming qualities of good ol' Beth) and think happy thoughts, like ...

Goulet Wednesday News Round Up

Oh fuck me. It's Wednesday already. Jeez.

  • YESSSSS!!!! Brit's back! Don't call it a comeback. (Ok, I won't.) [WWTDD]
  • In a related story, Breasty Spears. [Egotastic]
  • Ryan really left Reese for this? Really? Obvs, love is blind. I have hope. [Go Fug Yourself]

  • Keep watching Acceptable TV! It's real funny.

Uh, yeah, pretty much every weekend. (An aside - remember when the Legend of Zelda first came out (we're talking old school Nintendo)? It was totally sweet and awesome. My dad used to let me stay up late (after Mom had gone to bed) and be his navigator using this map that came with the game. I even made up words to the song. Get me tipsy enough (cause that's hard) and I'll sing it.) [via BWE]

  • Two people you've barely heard of are calling it quits Why do I care, you ask? Because I am in love with Bradley Cooper. That's why. [TMZ]
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I think I am the only person who watched Kitchen Confidential, aren't I. There's just something about Anthony Bourdain.
  • Pam Anderson is joining the circus. Insert joke about freak boobs here. [PopSugar]
  • George Tenet or George Ten Inch? Guess who was on Ron Jeremy's high school soccer team? Well, ok, you don't have to guess because I just told you. [TMZ]
  • Klaxons do Timberlake. Check out "My Love." I can't remember where this came from, sorry.
  • I can't let a week go without checking in on my girl Lindsay. Yup, still a talentless tramp. Just the way I like her. [Dlisted]

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


has reared its ugly head. And I actually whined about it. On a blog. Which was noticed. By another blog. Which was unintentional and a joke. But I'm not always (or rarely) funny.

I think the thing is, I urged two friends to start their own blogs, and now their blogs are better than mine (sorry boys, not difficult), and I like to tease them about how they get more attention. By tease I mean whine. How old am I? Dr. Phil would ask what this is really about. And you know what? I think it all goes back to the My Little Pony incident. Moreover, why do we talk about our blogs? Is this normal? Oh blogosphere. What did I do before you?