My new gig:
So, while I await the start of job 2.1, I am substitute teaching at the school where my mother is an assistant princip-a-l. I was fortunate enough to teach Language Arts all day Friday to four classes of 8th graders. This is what I learned:
1. They are all taller than me and have no problems making me aware of this.
2. The girls dress like tramps. They wear heavy eye makeup, sport baby cleavage and don't seem to know it's winter. Tank tops?
3. These kids are getting more action than me. There's PDA galore in the halls. When I was in 8th grade, I was too busy figuring out which Doc Martens to wear with my new flannel while listening to Nirvana to be aware that there were boys.
4. Speaking of boys, they all have shaggy hair. Some with highlights.
5. They have MySpace pages, and invite me to be their friend.
6. They also have Razrs, Blackberries, iPods and other gadgets that I cannot afford.
7. They are dumb. Some fantastic examples include "beeutifull," "Coareea," and "climax" instead of "climate." I am a nerd, yes, but I am nowhere near the sharpest knife in that proverbial drawer. However, I'm pretty certain I was literate by 8th grade. That No Child Left Behind biznass is workin' real good.
8. They are immature assholes. So am I. We got along famously.
Resolved: high school debate makes my brain hurt:
Friday night, I found myself hanging out with Mr. Shain judging a high school debate tournament. Wow. A few things: when I debated, I was horrible, but impeccably dressed, which I think is the most important aspect of the event. These girls seem to not have mirrors or something. The boys looked nice. Whatev. Also, they make up words. I heard "unmoral" and "communistic Russia" come out of the mouths of college bound seniors more than I should've. Also, if I ever have to think in depth about Kant's Categorical Imperative and how it applies to the (a)morality of a corporation, my head might explode. Such high level thinking is no longer possible for me unless it involves Lindsay, Britney or Paris. Finally, I am old. So old. But hey, I got a free baked potato. Score!
Speaking of high school:
My car is in the process of being shipped from MA to OK. It's relatively old and probably wouldn't make the trip. In the meantime, I've been using the parents (roommates) cars. I went out Saturday night and didn't make it back till Sunday morning (another story for another time). My mother (roommate #1) informed me prior to leaving Saturday night that the car had a curfew of midnight. I scoffed at such an idea. Now I am grounded from the car. Yup.
Obligatory Super Bowl Post:
I meant to watch the Superbowl (ok, really ads and Prince), but I got sucked into Puppy Bowl III. It was awesome! Watching a bunch of adorable puppies bump into each other almost made me forget I'm living with my parents. My face hurts from smiling for three hours straight. I'm such a fucking sucker. When on commercial, I flipped over to "My Boys" on TBS, which I found equally delightful. Cable in general makes me pretty happy these days. I'm a simple girl, really.
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3 comments:
One time, I was a timer for a high school debate tournament. After one particularly awful round of LD, I asked the judge if he was allowed to declare both debaters losers. We had a good discussion during some down time, and he asked why I wasn't in the tournament. I told him it was because of band, the class in which I spent a full quarter of my high school career. Blythe, it's all your dad's fault.
sounds like the 8th graders could coach the debaters re: aesthetics (and I don't mean in the Kantian sense).
Ok, so that isn't how you spell "beeutifull?"
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