A Funny Thing Happened On The Way Home From The Game; or My Dad Really Does Bleed Crimson

Um, so, yeah. 79 - 10, baby. Or as Lacey continued to remind us after her third (3) Long Island iced tea, "we beat them by 69!" Yes, yes we did. So badly that it actually was a bit boring. I mean, it was clearly going to be a blowout after the first quarter, and I desperately wanted to get my Miller Lite on, but we stuck it out till midway through the third quarter.

Last night, I asked Lacey to be my hetero life-mate. She said yes! We are in love.

The remnants of a tailgate party for midgets. I hope you're offended.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We went home after the game to regroup. I walked into my house to find a truly disturbing scene. A little exposition for you: Friday morning, my dad had this random nosebleed. Weird, but not super alarming. Well, it got worse and Friday night, my mom ended up taking him to the ER to get it checked out. They stuffed his nose full of cotton (rhino rocket?) and sent him packing. Flash forward to last night - I walk in, he's standing at the sink with blood pouring out of his face. I mean, special effects style. Fortunately, L's mom is a nurse practitioner and had been watching the game on TV with my mom, so she was able to assist my Dad and tell him to get his ass back to the ER pronto. Which he did. Mom says not to worry, go out, have a good time. I am conflicted, of course. I want to be a caring daughter, I want to go out, I want it not to be a big deal. Lacey's mom decides she wants to go with my mom to kind of be a go between for them. I'm off the hook (not that I want to be - the thing about my dad is that he wants no more attention than is absolutely necessary - I'm sure he already felt so vulnerable, I didn't want to add to that) for the time being. So, we go grab some dinner. This is there Lacey's LIIT comes in. She is on fire. Hi-Larious. I could not ask for a better HLM. Then we decide to head back to campus, to check out the celebratory scene. Basically, it's douches in popped collars drunk off Bud Light and sorostisluts teetering about on high heels with red beads adorning their fakebake necks. Blech. We head to The Deli and listen to a band for a bit. I decide to check in with my mom. She calmly informs me that Dad has to be transported to OKC for an emergency procedure to cauterize the busted blood vessel. Ok. Oh, and I'm driving them. Thankfully, I'd taken it easy, so I was in good shape. But I had to round up my posse and tell them the news. Lacey and co immediately tabbed out and headed home with me. She cleaned out our sink. We packed him a bag with socks and sudoku. We walked my dog to 7-Eleven for cigarettes and she didn't judge. Finally, I got the word Mom was on the way. I downed two Diet Cokes and steeled myself, but it was harder than I thought. I've never seen either parent express any sort of vulnerability and it totally shook me to see my dad in sweatpants, covered in his own blood, half passed out in the front seat due to the morphine they'd given him because they kept having to pack, unpack then repack his nose - I mean ALL the way up there, behind his sinuses. Anyway, I carefully drove them up to the city and he groaned at every bump. It was awful. We made it there by 3 where the admitting nurse had no idea we were there to see an ENT or have this procedure. My head almost exploded. I am generally strangely calm under this kind of pressure, so I asked my mom for the number to the Norman ER and she ended up finding out that no one had really told them what was going on. Great. They had to go through everything again to readmit him. Finally, some doctor comes to see him and tells him that they're not taking the chance of unplugging his nose since the bleeding had been stopped for about 6 hours at that point. Come back on Monday. WTF!!! By this point, the nose thing wasn't bother Dad as much as the blinding headache he'd sustained as a result of the constant poking, prodding and pressure. His pain looked like at least an 8, 8.5. In Norman, they'd given him some Lortab or some crap, but we all know that does nothing. So, we begged the doctor for something stronger. He finally relented and we even got him to give us a pill right there. So, we leave, I drive them home, put both parents to bed as they are beyond exhausted, fill the prescription and finally get to bed about 6am. Only to be awoken at 7 by Dad bumping around trying to find his pills and get settled into a chair in the living room because he can't really be recumbent. I gave him his pills, set him up with some Vitamin Water, a fan, movie, and blanket and tried to get back to sleep. No such luck. My parents are both young and healthy. They're 50. 50's the new 30! I know that this little episode isn't really an indicator of something more serious in his case, but it has definitely shaken me more than I'd thought. Damn. Why am I writing about this on a blog? I don't really know. Maybe because next time you're an ass to one of your parents or don't call them back or roll your eyes, etc, remember that they're not going to be around forever. Also, Lacey is the best hetero life-mate around. Thanks to everyone for dealing with me dealing with this.

GO OU!