Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Top Ten Signs You're Not Ready to Procreate.

When I was in the NYC, I saw lots and lots of babies and preggers chicks. They're fucking everywhere. And then there's octomom and her litter. And, of course, Brangelina. And those Duggers. Also, FaceBook reveals news of knocked up high school mates left and right. I don't really feel the ol' biological clock ticking, but I do know that my body makes horrible cracking noises during yoga and one time last week I got a cramp in my hip during naughty time = I'm getting old. But among the thousands of reasons I'm aware of (there are surely more I am not) that would make me an unfit mother, I think the most telling is what I'd consider naming spawn. Here are my top favorite bebe names in no particular order:














Can you imagine being named Ruby Valentina?


Julie_Gong said...

i feel like that is a drag queen name. so if that works out i really heart drag shows and i'd like to be invited. thanks.

Clark Matthews said...

I like two of those names, so I'm not sure if it's a problem I already have a kid.

Also, those names are better than anything Sarah Palin ever chose and she's got herself a quorum.

Mr. Shain said...

i'm a little surprised/sickened by this list. mark and i had a list... let's just say our top name choice did nothing to reveal the ethnicity, gender, or nationality of the bearer. except perhaps "thor" which was on my list... but only as a middle name. probably.

Kadonkadonk said...

I really like the singer Anouk... does that help?

Rex Parker said...

"Tabitha" made me laff out loud. I vote for "Tabitha."


Andrea said...

clementine is my fave off this list.

oscar, not so much.

i do like this list though... great idea.
i once wanted to name my future baby esperanza because it means "hope", but then i realized it sounds like shiate.

John said...

Oscar, really? Everytime I hear it I think of Sigorney Weaver's kid in Ghost Busters II.

Dana Barret to Dr. Venkman: "Would you like to put the baby down?"

Dr. Venkman: "Sure. You're short, you're named after a hot dog and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother."

blythe said...

julie - i know. that's what i thought. i'm open to that possibility.

clark - i forgot to add trigette - the female version of trig.

shain - what?

kadonk - me too.

rex - i can only assume that your child, spouse or other loved one is named tabitha.

andrea - yay! clementine! i might name a pet that instead. if i ever get one. again. sadness.

john - i know! that's why i like it! ghostbusters forever.