Thursday, January 22, 2009

I can't wait to show you my reverse plank!

(That's what she said.)

Part of NoWhine09/wedding to myself means workin' on my fitness.* In addition to the gym going and dog walking/running, I've now thrown yoga into the weekly mix. I'm super excited about this because I am a woman in my mid (fine, late) twenties and my goals in life are to eat Activia, get the morning after pill, serve in wedding parties and prance around in expensive yoga clothes (see below):





There is one problem with this, though. Actually two problems. You see, yoga was developed in the mid 90s by Madonna and that chick's flat as her songs. I, however, am not. How do I put this? I've got some serious fun bags. I'm not trying to brag, but I've been bustier than necessary since about fourth grade. Middle school was a delight. Let me tell you. Anyway, yoga is hard when you got a lot goin' on up top. When I lower my head over my legs, the girls hit the ground first. Plow is life threatening. This supposedly calming activity becomes stressful. You're damn right I have tension in my back and shoulders! There's prenatal yoga, how come no yoga for ladies with somewhat substantial knockers? Perhaps I'll just take up another trendy fitness craze - rock climbing. Here I come Rocktown!**




*Fergie reference. I know.

**P.S. your new name is stupid.

8 comments:

Big Daddy said...

That makes me think of this.

Matt said...

I love Target Women. Have you seen the one about fiber?

Kadonkadonk said...

Amen, sistah!

Mr. Shain said...

and yet when you use them as a cupholder i hear no complaints...

you can't have it both ways blythe!

Michael5000 said...

What you have, Blythe, is not a PROBLEM, it's an OPPORTUNITY. You need to DEVELOP a system of yoga for the stacked, and then market it. You could be on Oprah and shit. It could be "Bustyoga!" Get it? It's like "Busty + Yoga." You can use that.

You're welcome.

Jess said...

I am often congested, which makes Plow pose a fucking nightmare. Shoulder stands are no picnic either. Last night in class we moved from shoulder stand into plow. I had to push my tits out of the way to even try to get air in through my nose. I've realized that's just something I have to do. Those fucking things get in the way, and I have to try my best to move them (easier said than done, as I'm sure you know).

♥georgie♥ said...

LMAO@the girls hit the ground first!!! too funny I have this same problem...

Miss Wisabus said...

I've never related with someone as much as I am right now. Thank you for that.

I swear, I was the only person wearing a bra in my yoga class. All those girls around me wearing some tiny, super tight tank. Honey, those things compressed the ladies and pulled them clear up to my chin, so much that I thought they were going to strangle me.