Thursday, December 06, 2007

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Stupidity

It doesn't take much to keep me alive (with a little extra for good measure). Namely sugar free Red Bull, Gerolsteiner, Fage Total 0% yogurt, and apples. I consume each of these (almost) everyday in some order. This is weird, I know. This morning, I had them all lined up in front of my at my desk (right next to my Nalgene of water, Bigelow's Rose Salve, bottle of Motrin, Nivea Creme and picture of Michael Cera) and noticed something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I cracked open my Red Bull, swallowed four Motrin, hand cremed, lip balmed, then peeled the lovely parchment back from my Fage and ate a spoonful. More delicious than ever! That's when I realized the truth. It was not Fage Total 0%, it was Fage Total (original). 20 grams of delicious, delicious fat! I immediate threw the container the four feet to my rubbish bin (FYI - I will totally consume that much fat, I'm not one of those girls, obvs, but I don't think I can do it at 8 in the morning and ruin my whole day of Christmas candy eating and hot chocolate drinking - 'tis the season!). As soon as it hit the bottom, hard, the super yogurt immediately flung itself all over me - hair, cashmere sweater, chair, keyboard... This is not a good look. And I am heartbroken. I bought quite a few of these little buggers. If you're in the area, please contact me for several containers of Greek goodness.


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13 comments:

Sean said...

yes, you are now even more wonderful than before... i cant even tell you why.

Jess said...

Not yogurt splatters! Those are the worst.

Jess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The [Cherry] Ride said...

What are the four motrin for?

Mr. Shain said...

funny how you never throw the cheesecake, ice cream, or chocolate brownies i give you across the room.

cherry, the motrin just dulls the pain of living in OK.

d said...

gerolsteiner sounds like something that old people need to stay mobile. or drunk.

fage isn't really a good name for anything.

dude. you're a mess.

Michael5000 said...

Those big eyes are freakin' me out.

Dan said...

Top Five Bee-Spot Posts of All-Time.

I LOLed twice (including the hearty "heh HA Ha ha"), snickered once, and said "oh man..." once.

nicely done. Team Cambyland got our ass kicked in Pub Trivia tonight. I needed that laugh. (I shamed myself greatly by claiming that Macedonia gained independence from Greece (it was Yugoslavia), but I redeemed myself somewhat by knowing that the cereal mascot whose first name is Horatio is in fact one Cap'n Crunch)

blythe said...

her eyes are terrifying, no? and fage (said fayeh) is mother's milk. and if i were on your trivia team, dan, we would school our competitors so hard, they'd think we actually belonged in cambridge. remember the harp? i do. i do. and i remember winning and winning money. no one does that here. trivia is for dorks. toby keith outlawed it in the OK.

Dan said...

the harp? the bar by North Station? I do trivia in Porter Square, home to scads of thirtysomething smart professionals. It's pretty competitive. But yes, I'm sure we'd win if you were on my team. you're a wealth of trivial knowledge (that was not supposed to be an insult).

blythe said...

duh. the harp in north amherst. remember beating up on drunk umass meatheads because they thought lebanon was full of lesbians? ah, good times, good times. we would totally dominate. can we have a virtual trivial pursuit team? i hope no one's reading this, cause i look like the mega nerd i am.

T.R. said...

Give me some Pha-jay love please. It's the breakfast of champions since the 2004 Summer Olympics. And besides, I finally got to use my "say the Greek alphabet three times before a match burns" greek to eat it.

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