Tuesday, June 01, 2010

The one where I won't hold your baby.


Yesterday, the BF and I went to his dad's house for a Memorial Day cook out. The BF's dad is recently remarried to a lovely woman with two grown daughters, one of whom just popped out a kid (like six weeks ago). The whole fam, blood, in-laws, steps, halfsies, everyone was there, including the baby. I don't do babies. That came out wrong. What I mean is, I don't know what to do or say to your baby. I don't know what to say to you about your baby. It's not that I don't like babies or kids and whatnot, I'm just not around them that often and don't know what to do. Plus, babies have that soft spot on their head and I don't want to be the one that ruins them because I don't know how to hold them properly. So, when K's dad asked if I wanted to hold little Nate-dog, I said I was all set. He looked at me like I'd just run over a unicorn. I started explaining how I'm just not a baby person and that I'd even texted Lacey (the baby-whisperer) to find out what to say, when I realized I sounded totally selfish and insane. So I went to get a brownie and left him there, probably thinking that at least he won't have to shell out for baby gifts for me anytime soon. So, that's good.

In the meantime, am I supposed to wake up one day feeling all maternal? I'm coming up on 30 and the baby fever hasn't hit me yet. Should I be worried?

In a related story 10 Ways to Avoid Hipster Baby Names.

3 comments:

Michael5000 said...

Oh, people just have babies to fill up the dark scary emptiness at the core of their lives, and then to justify what they've done they have to create this great big fetish out of how cute and wonderful babies are, which is just silly. Babies are basically inert. Call me in when they start to talk or at least can point at their nose when prompted. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. And not just because I'm childless and doomed to die unloved, unremembered, and alone. Nope.

blythe said...

my thoughts exactly. think of the money we've saved!

LaceyBug said...

"I'm all set!!" ??? Aw geez. I was rooting for you! I guess I will have to formalize my program into 12 baby steps...