Sunday, June 01, 2008


This evening, I accompanied Shain, Lacey, her mom and my mother to Sex and the City (finally, I know - it has been out for over 48 hours!). After I blanched at the completely unoriginal plot, made fun of the cerulean bird that apparently flew into and became part of Carrie's veil, and determined that Samantha's wardrobe was merely suits that didn't make the cut for the third season of Designing Women, I began to reminisce about episodes from the past that didn't suck like the majority of the movie.

I thought back to the episode where Samantha got something stuck in her vadge and Carrie had to fish it out. And then to the one where Charlotte hands over her massive, but defunct engagement ring to Carrie so that she could make a down payment on her apartment. And then to the one where they all hang out together, eating, drinking, and engaging in general merriment bullshit. I started to think: why is it so hard to make good friends when you're old like me*?

In my experience, it's not too difficult to find a gentleman caller who will rummage around your lady business, drop some money, or call you all the time, but it's exceptionally hard to find and keep a good friend. It seems that once you're out of school, you're only option is work (unless you go to church, which I don't, or participate in a club sport, which I won't). If your work environment isn't the perfect storm of people your own age who don't completely suck, you're up shit creek. I just want some kids to hang out with, that are interested in the same things as me, or, who will tolerate me without making fun of me to my face. Where's the for friends?

I am unimpressed with your Utne subscription

2*-year-old woman
Norman, Oklacoma, United States
seeking friends 25 - 35
within driving distance that's not too annoying

Relationships - Mostly old high school friends since I moved back to the Sooner state
Smoke - Only when tipsy
Drink - Social drinker, maybe one or eight (plus six)

About me and who I'm looking for:

I am bad with birthdays and rarely remember to return what I've borrowed. I'm not looking for much, mainly someone who won't screen all of my calls.

for fun:
Arguing, putting down your music choices, talking about stories on NPR last week, eating, drinking, eating and drinking outside, eating and drinking while watching TV, cooking while drinking then eating, concerts, talking about concerts, beer pong, shopping, swearing never to eat or drink again, pedicures/spa treatments, bitching, board games.

favorite hot spots:
Bars. Bars where you can sit outside. Couches. Fancy unaffordable restaurants. Hole in the wall restaurants. Places where you can listen to music. Blogosphere. Spas where they give you wine while they scrape last summer off your feet.

favorite things:
See above plus going to garage sales. And brunch. I like brunch. And you need friends for that.

last read:

About me:


About my friend:

Education: not dumbass
Job: produces entertaining stories and/or discounts/hookups for shit, other potential friends
Income: enough to hang out, not enough to make me want to hang myself
Drink: by the case
Relationships: some good friends
poor judgement at times
mozzarella cheesesticks

Send me a wink. In the meantime, I am still trying to figure out this. It's a lot of look, Carrie.

*Shain and Lacey don't count. They're on to bigger and better things than the OKC metro area can offer.


Mr. Shain said...

am i being fired? is there a severance package?

Julie_Gong said...

this will be the only time i ever say it but i wish i lived in Oklahoma so we could be friends. Not the part about you and i being friends. The part about wanting to live in OK.

Anonymous said...

After reading your comment about rummaging around in Kim cattrall's most unholy sinkhole, I may never be aroused again...

SK said...

Thank you. I spent the entire movie trying to figure out where I had seen Samantha's yellow and black suit before.

Obviously it was on Suzanne Sugarbaker in the 80s.

And, yeah, I have somewhat cheesy taste in music. We should do lunch and you can mock me.

oklahomeless said...

You know, I prostituted myself on my own blog as well. It felt cheap, but secretly I liked it.

Clearly, I have no shame.

Anonymous said...

it was samantha who rustled around in carrie's vadge...carrie had a tampon stuck up her cootch.

blythe said...

mr shain - yeah, i was going to wait till friday, because that's how it's done, but yes, i'm gonna have to let you go. too many vests, not enough pastry.

jg - ouch!

anon - i'm not sure what about this blog ever "arsousing." nauseating, yes.

sk - i think i've figured out who you are. i have this feeling that you work in the building with the star on top. in the name of julia sugarbaker, i think maybe we should have lunch sometime.

oklahomeless - but did it work? is it working? this'd better work, dammit!

anon2 - samantha/carrie/they're all the same with different hair colors and boob sizes.

Mr. Shain said...

i think it's more like, too many vest, too much pastry.

*note the lack of offers from the lost oglers to be your new friends. buuuuuuuurn...

Michael5000 said...

I'd have offered, but I'm past the age cutoff.

oklahomeless said...

It didn't work, but then I'm a sad and derivative fellow. Also, no one wants to visit me in Lawton, OK, a fetid little sty consisting solely of payday loan storefronts and seedy, windowless bars.

Surely you'll have better success. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to ponder how it all came to this.

SK said...

Yep, the lovely little building with the star on the top is where I spend my mornings bored out of my mind. Send me an e-mail or something and we can be ladies who lunch together.

Maxine Dangerous said...

I don't live in OK, but we should TOTALLY be BFF. :) (I blame a late-breakfast-almost-lunch-must-eat-before-I-diiiiie infusion of Taco Bell for making me sound like a Valley Girl. :))