look what i found while stalking old highschool classmates. it's awesome.
I thought you would enjoy this…
Chuck Norris: The Defining Facts
*disclaimer: I did NOT make these up.
1. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
2. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
5. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
6. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
7. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
8. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
9. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
10. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
11. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
12. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
13. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
14. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
15. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night.
16. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
17. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
18. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
19. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
20. When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesnt get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
p.s. chuck is an oklahoman.
Chuck Norris: The Defining Facts
*disclaimer: I did NOT make these up.
1. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
2. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
5. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
6. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
7. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
8. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
9. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
10. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
11. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
12. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
13. Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
14. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
15. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night.
16. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
17. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
18. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
19. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
20. When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesnt get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrised.
p.s. chuck is an oklahoman.
1 comment:
you must be proud.
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