Thursday, May 20, 2010

Dear Gary England,

You owe me $140.

Yesterday, you got on the tube and starting creaming your pleated front Dockers about "weather events" running amock around the state. And I listened. Like a 'tard. Your incessant screeching about baseball sized hail ripping through Noble heading toward Norman compelled me to seek shelter for my new (to me) car.

Now, I don't have a garage, per se, but a detachable old-timey garage-shed-type-thing at the end of the long gravel driveway. Classy, yes? So, the BF and I make a run for it into blinding rain to open the doors to this thing and jockey the cars around so I can pull in. Which I do. It's when I get out that I hear a hissing sound. The sound of a punctured tire. AWESOME! Soaking wet, the BF and I head back inside to wait out the impending weather armageddon before surveying the damage. We wait. And wait. And wait. Guess what? No hail. No straight line winds. No tornado (in spite of the screaming sirens all night). NO FUCKING ANYTHING! After the rain ended, skies cleared and the sun shined. And my heart closed forever to the Oklahoman in me that reveres all things Gary England. He is dead to me.

Much like my tire. The BF put on his man pants and put on the spare. I got the new tire put on this morning. Yes, $140 is cheaper than hail damage, surely. But still, Gary, you can make the check out to I am an idiot.

RIP (in my heart) Lord Gary

p.s. This is why I was motivated to move my car and attempted to believe these weather jokers.


OkieRover said...

I hear ya Bee. I was flipping through the channels last night. Some of my favorites were.
Mike Morgan (KFOR): "Tornado on the ground in Cole." Really? Uh no, didn't happen.
Gary England {KWTV}: "Val, you are the meteorologist on the ground, I need longer reports from you..."
Mike Morgan (KFOR): "Norman just lost cable." Ummm, yeah no. Watched them til I got sick of it.
Baseball sized hail coming to Norman? No one "on the ground" ever confirmed that.
This PDS crap is laughable. Armageddon! That's what drives ratings.
Why do Okies go outside and watch the weather come in? Because the weather guys have no idea what's going on where you are. That's why.

Jill of All Trades said...

I so agree. The weather guys & gals get a real, uh "joy" out of the whole thing. Makes me nuts!

Michael5000 said...

I like the video, though. Especially the dialog. It's like a little Beckett play.

John said...

So, is that video real? I'm for the eastern part of the midwest (Southwest Ohio!) and that looks pretty extreme to me.

blythe said...

that was totally for real. it was insane. it doesn't excuse the weather dudes from acting like dicks, though. oh, i hate them so very much.