Pop Quiz

Where have I been?

a. Working security at the DNC.

b. Winning like 5,000 gold medals in field hockey. *I did go to a college for ladies...

c. Welcoming baby Bee-Spot into the world!

d. In a room at 900 E. Main St., Norman, OK.

e. Washing my hair.

f. Two words. Gender reassignment.

g. I'm now Mrs. Bee-Spot!

h. Preparing for ACL by immersing myself in thousands upon thousands of mp3s and irony.

i. Filming with the rest of the new cast of Real World: OKC.

j. Waiting in line at Wal-Mart to pay for just one tube of toothpaste.

k. First month of medical school!

l. Boycotting all things blog.

m. Watching every possible Lost episode and webisode in preparation for the impending season.

n. Hospitalized for Diet Coke OD.

o. Totally sweet and awesome vacay!

p. Preparing for the US Open, only to be knocked out in the first round.

q. On the campaign trail with McCain.

r. Lost in Forever 21.

s. Knocker reduction surgery.

t. Drinking.

u. Drinking.

v. Painting my face and body crimson and cream for tomorrow's opening game!

w. Hosting the eighth hour of the Today Show.

x. Just watching the Today show (full time occupation).

y. I predict no one makes it this far down the list.

z. Wallowing in self pity, despair, laziness, beer, wine, and Taco Bell.

Baby, I'm going to sine your pitty on the runny kine!

Do you sometimes look at your inbox and want to ctr + a and delete? I do. There's nothing particularly awful about the content of my inbox, there's just a shit ton. And most of it consists of absolutely crucial pieces of information like "thanks" and "ok" and "ok, thanks" and "thanks again, ok." Those messages infuriate me. I've kind of stopped responding to all of the thanking and other such bullshit at the risk of coming off like an asshole. I think of it as my tacit way to help minimize inbox clutter and that all who email me should be grateful. Also, it prevents me from responding with Pootie language, like "cole me on the panny sty". I assume you've all seen "Pootie Tang," but if not, I implore you to give yourself over to the surreal combination of Chris Rock, Louis CK and Bob Costas. Trust me. It's pretty much totally baddy daddy lamatai tebbie chai, my damies.

Sa da tay!