I should've been a vet

Dang! We had to take Zeb to the vet last night. I had to take out a small loan this morning. I joke, sort of. Little dude got his guts in a twist and was puking et al yesterday. So, we take him in and he's examined (for $41) and then probed (for $26) and then tested (for $100) and then diagnosed and finally treated (for $1,000,000.00). He had a high itestinal (lunch anyone?) bacteria count and was given injections of antibiotics and other stuff to get him back on track. I also paid for doggie Imodium, more antibiotics and had to cook him rice and chicken for dinner (more than I do for most people). Long story short, I'm out a lot of money for a dog that completely rebounded by midnight last night.

If Zeb were a kid, I'd totally have just pumped him full of Pedialyte and some saltines and plopped him in front of Sponge Bob while I mixed up some G&Ts for myself with the money I saved from not taking him to the doctor. Does this make me a bad person? How come I care more about my dog than a kid (Not that I have one. That I know of. There were some crazy times.)?

The bottom line is I should've been a vet.

P.S. Happy tax day! (Dear OK, you will get mine tomorrow. Love in Christ, B)

When will I ever learn?

Probably never.



I have little to negative willpower. Unless you count forcing myself to sit through a Jon & Kate Plus 8 marathon, followed by The Real Housewives of New Bubbies, topped off by 12 new epidoes of TrueLife on MTV. In that case, I am the fucking willpower champion. But usually, I don't know my limits. It's always, one more, I'll just have one more. And then another after that. And then, well. Needless to say it's not pretty. Basically, I need help. If I have it anywhere around me, I'll mindlessly partake. Work. Home. Driving. Anything. And the consequences are always disastrous. What did Einstein say? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Well, kids, surprise! I'm nuts.



Listen to your Auntie Blythe. JUST SAY NO!

No matter how good you think these colon bombs are, please, limit yourself. Turns out your body cannot actually handle 150 grams of fiber in one sitting. If you are going to hit it, though, oats and chocolate is by far the best flavor. I just hope you have a private bathroom at work or a sphincter of steel.

Too much?

Holy neon green snotballs!

So, my Tuesday post makes no sense because I was delirious with fever, but so focused on wrapping up work for the week that I thought I was just a little tired. However, my fire throat, nasty cough, bloodshot eyes and all over body ache did not prevent me from attending my first Thunder game against Phoenix that night (Shaq is HUGE!). I think Port Authority is a little bit classier than the Ford Center, but it was a good try. We had a good time, from what I remember. Wednesday was spent in various levels of consciousness dictated by shots of NyQuil, CVS brand Tussin, Mucinex and wine. Also, somehow, although completely unethical, I was drug to my parent's house to whip up the stuffing and spinach gratin for t-day dinner. On the big day, I woke from my 'Quil coma to rush over to the parent's house to do the turkey, then back to my house to bake the bread, spinach, and stuffing, which I then schlepped back over to the parent's where I made the mashed potatoes, threw some crudites on the coffee table and hoped for the best. All in all, everything was ok, except the extremely overdone turkey, which was by design since my family thinks they will all die from salmonella. Basically, I just wanted to list out a few things for which I'm thankful right now.

I'm thankful...

that I don't work at the Valley Stream, NY Wal-Mart
for the G4 Arrested Development marathon (and impending movie??)
for 24 hour pharmacies
that Britney really seems to be getting her shit together
for the Travel Channel's No Reservations marathon
that I wasn't invited to Heidi and Spencer's nuptials
for my job
for Archer Farms egg nog yogurt
my boobs
that Barack Obama won
for Amazon's 50 albums for $5!
for Ina Garten
for the shuffle setting on my iPod
I would say for readers, but there aren't any
that I didn't have to suffer through another Steak and Ale Thankshitting
for fevers, Mother Nature's acid
that I missed Rosie's variety show thing
PUPPIES!!
that I'm not knocked up
for Spanx
that there are "black Friday" sales at liquor stores
for leftovers
that my snot has turned from neon green to clear, I think that's a good sign

and lots of other stuff probably.

Love means...

sharing the same bathroom when you each have a different form of the nastiest GI focused flu/virus that ever was.

In a related story, I've lost 10 pounds! Now I can fit into my skinny sweatpants while I suffer.

Holy balls,

I might possibly have the worst hangover of my long and storied history of hangovers (How did I sustain this hangover? Two words. Beer pong. And also bars. And peer pressure. And dancing around in a garage to Curtis Mayfield.). Not even McDonald's (my disgusting hangover remedy, whatevs, you do it too) has helped, in fact, I think it hurt. Definitely hurt. All I have managed to do today is smear last night's mascara all over my pillows, give my self a rash from drooling during intermittent and involuntary naps while watching Planet Earth in a whimpering pile buried beneath my comforter trying not to vom. But you know what? It can't feel as bad KU must feel about now. Or OSU for that matter. Gundy, I thought you were a "man." And Mangina, looks like your easy ass schedule finally caught up with you. We will beat you, Mizzou, and then we're on our way to the Preparation H Fidelity Nabisco Taco Cabana FedEx/Kinkos Diet Coke with Lemon Halliburton Bowl! Which is not the championship, but oh well.

Dear Shain (letter #3 in a series):

Why did you have to post this picture on your blog? Although we communicate all day via email, gmail chat, (other people's) blog comments sections, telephone and telepathy, I still find myself checking *The Life & Times hundreds (4) of times a day. Lately, I have been greeted by this mesmerizing image. 9.5 times out of 10, I find myself pulling a Super Troopers muttering "enhance, enhance, enhance" while enlarging the image on my screen much to the dismay and concern of my coworkers. What does this mean? I can't look away.

Love in Christ,

Blythe

Do you like Harry Potter? No... I LOVE him.

Live blogging the HPVII.

10:57 Scene of the Crime.

11:03 Pre-game.

12:48 (after quick trip to book store) Success!

No sleep till Brooklyn!

Sickie McSickerson Update

Still feeling shitty, but I just watched probably six (I'm not so good with numbers) episodes of Weeds on demand. Holy shit that show is awesome! I can't believe I've been fucking around with How I Met Your Mother when this show has been available. Not only is Mary Louise Parker the hottest MILF (sorry Brit) around and will now serve as my fashion icon, but the music is pretty rad too. Check it. This might be the cough syrup talking, but I think this show is the real deal (even if I am coming to the party two years late). Can't wait for season 3. In the meantime, listen to Holland by Sufjan Stevens and drain that bottle of tussin. You know you want to.

In an unrelated story, Shain just sent me a link to this (hint: it involves My Little Ponies). As he put it, "they really want to be free. had you not thrown it, it would have jumped." This is what he's talking about.