Have you ever received a document at work and looked at it and are like, WTF? Did Paris Hilton and LiLo write this together or something? What the hell is this shwords?* So, you take it to your boss, not your supervisor that you're chummy with, but you know, the VP of your department, and relay your concern about the clarity if not veracity of said document. And then your kind boss looks at you with her wise eyes and drops the bomb that she was in fact the author. FUCKSTICKS! Sweet Lincoln's mullet, I am a fucktard. I mumbled something about my public school education failing me in terms of reading comprehension and backed my butt out of her office. Now what?
*For the love of all things fashion, watch the fucking videos already. I would like to make jokes about this stuff for the rest of my life or at least through the next couple of weeks.
Showing posts with label band on the run. Show all posts
Showing posts with label band on the run. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, September 22, 2008
a-hem
I have a big announcement to make. This is embarrassing, but is required as part of, you guessed it, a 12 step program for AA*. Here goes.
*Apple Anonymous, obvs.
I DO NOT HAVE AN iPHONE.
*Apple Anonymous, obvs.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Pop Quiz
Where have I been?
a. Working security at the DNC.
b. Winning like 5,000 gold medals in field hockey. *I did go to a college for ladies...
c. Welcoming baby Bee-Spot into the world!
d. In a room at 900 E. Main St., Norman, OK.
e. Washing my hair.
f. Two words. Gender reassignment.
g. I'm now Mrs. Bee-Spot!
h. Preparing for ACL by immersing myself in thousands upon thousands of mp3s and irony.
i. Filming with the rest of the new cast of Real World: OKC.
j. Waiting in line at Wal-Mart to pay for just one tube of toothpaste.
k. First month of medical school!
l. Boycotting all things blog.
m. Watching every possible Lost episode and webisode in preparation for the impending season.
n. Hospitalized for Diet Coke OD.
o. Totally sweet and awesome vacay!
p. Preparing for the US Open, only to be knocked out in the first round.
q. On the campaign trail with McCain.
r. Lost in Forever 21.
s. Knocker reduction surgery.
t. Drinking.
u. Drinking.
v. Painting my face and body crimson and cream for tomorrow's opening game!
w. Hosting the eighth hour of the Today Show.
x. Just watching the Today show (full time occupation).
y. I predict no one makes it this far down the list.
z. Wallowing in self pity, despair, laziness, beer, wine, and Taco Bell.
a. Working security at the DNC.
b. Winning like 5,000 gold medals in field hockey. *I did go to a college for ladies...
c. Welcoming baby Bee-Spot into the world!
d. In a room at 900 E. Main St., Norman, OK.
e. Washing my hair.
f. Two words. Gender reassignment.
g. I'm now Mrs. Bee-Spot!
h. Preparing for ACL by immersing myself in thousands upon thousands of mp3s and irony.
i. Filming with the rest of the new cast of Real World: OKC.
j. Waiting in line at Wal-Mart to pay for just one tube of toothpaste.
k. First month of medical school!
l. Boycotting all things blog.
m. Watching every possible Lost episode and webisode in preparation for the impending season.
n. Hospitalized for Diet Coke OD.
o. Totally sweet and awesome vacay!
p. Preparing for the US Open, only to be knocked out in the first round.
q. On the campaign trail with McCain.
r. Lost in Forever 21.
s. Knocker reduction surgery.
t. Drinking.
u. Drinking.
v. Painting my face and body crimson and cream for tomorrow's opening game!
w. Hosting the eighth hour of the Today Show.
x. Just watching the Today show (full time occupation).
y. I predict no one makes it this far down the list.
z. Wallowing in self pity, despair, laziness, beer, wine, and Taco Bell.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
1-2-3-4 tell me that you love me anymore (like you ever did)
I am not so good at the blogging with all of the working and the sleeping and the solitary drinking and such. Apologies. My job continues to dominate 80% of my time that I don't spend thinking or talking about my job. The other .01% of my time I spend bitching about everything else, including this blog and the lack thereof. However, this weekend, I took a little break from my self imposed prison of work and bitchiness and ventured out into my community with the following results:
1. Apple Store, Penn Square Mall, Oklahoma City, OK: My dad called to let me know that TurboTax had felled our mighty eMac from 2004. Surprise. He was freaking out because now he had no computer with which to go online and order a new computer so that he could complete filing in a timely manner. I suggested that instead of ordering a computer and taking a day off work to await its arrival that we go to the Apple Store conveniently located near a J. Crew. He agreed, with reservation - about what, I don't know. We completed the purchase after about 500 hours of luddite torture inflicted by Dad toward myself and the poor, annoying apple guy who says he will email the receipt and call us when the additional memory stick has been installed - yes, we had them do it. When we return to pick up the computer, the concierge/dumbass asks for our receipt. I say it will be emailed to us with our Apple Care information. Dad then completely freaks out because it dons on him that without his old computer working, he can't possibly check email to print out the new receipt. FOR REAL! I calmly try to tell him that he can access his email from any computer and that we need only to turn on the new computer so that he can log in to gmail. He thinks this over and clearly thinks that he has spawned a complete and utter retard for thinking that email can exist on more than just one's personal computer. Seriously, folks, it's amazing I can even read. Also, he has a Ph.D.
2. Meacham Hall, OU, Norman, OK: Later that night, Darryl/Craig Robinson, the endearing warehouser from The Office performed his stand up routine at OU. It bordered on totally lame and awful and made extensive use of a Casio and the word "panties." I could make better jokes in my sleep, if I were funny. Later that night, we saw him holding court over a mixture of fratsters and sorostitutes (who probably don't watch The Office unless it's on in the background while they're blowing dudes with their boat shoes* still on) at the bar. Ew.
3. East Lawn, OU, Norman, OK: Later, later that night, we returned from the disappointing "comedy" show to whine and complain about the lack of interesting shit to do in Norman, the boyfriend stumbled upon the fact that Voxtrot would be performing at OU, right where we had been a mere minutes earlier. We finished our Keystones and braved the streets filled with the remnants of OU's first scrimmage to listen to approximately 1.5 songs before they finished. Oops. They are darling! Like all good hipsters, they are mini. Super cute, teeny tiny musicians. Oh well, random indie bands are always clamoring to play in Norman, so there'll be more... Actually, if you read this (ha!) and you're from the area, the Norman Music Festival happens the 26th. The line up isn't bad including British Sea Power, The Polyphonic Spree and lots of not totally sucky local acts.
4. Cain's Ballroom, Tulsa, OK: Mr. Shain and I hit the turnpike for a quick trip to Tulsa to hear my favorite Feist perform Monday night. Shain is truly dear sometimes, but I don't know why, and frankly, it scares me. He picked me up from work and promptly handed me a Boylan lime seltzer, my favorite, for the trip. I thought for sure this meant that he was the Silvio to my Ade. After a pit stop at McDonald's so Shain could stuff his face with the new southern chicken sandwich (what does that even mean, McDonald's?) we arrived in Tulsa to get lost in the totally dead downtown area. It was weird. We were afraid to park, but we did and made it inside. Now, I love Feist and you will not convince me otherwise. I have Let it Die and The Reminder memorized. I will fight you if you say she sucks unless it looks like I cannot win. Right, my point was that I suspected, as we entered the venue, that the Urban Outfitted attendees did not share the same kind of love. I was right. Instead of singing the The Park, she railed the audience for their behavior to the melody. I imagine this is not unusual for her, that she probably rehearses admonishments for mid-western audiences, but I got her point. Shain thought it was preachy and tacky. What was actually maybe more tacky was her outfit - I couldn't decide if her white fringed mini dress with white leather booties topped with beaded Native American inspired necklaces was an homage to her surroundings or just bizarre taste. More disturbing was the continued audience behavior. This chick beside me totally flipped her shit on the security guy near us chatting up a totally drunk girl. The security dude actually told her to shut the fuck up. I was stunned. But then I returned to the hypnotic effect of the music accompanied by this super hot piano player and the boyfriend's doppleganger on guitar (he seriously looked quite like him). She played all the old favorites including new versions of Inside and Out and Let it Die. She forgot a verse of Mushaboom, but came back with a fantastic encore of Sealion Woman. One of the most compelling things about the whole show, besides Shain's clothing choice which involved a stuffed in t-shirt and vest, was the shadow imagery projected on the back of the stage area. Usually, I hate that shit, but now, of course, I want to change careers. We got home about 2 and I headed into work by 8. Awesome, but worth it.
5. My Bed, Norman, OK: I went to bed last night a about 7pm and woke up at 6.30 this morning. Hence the bloglessness. I'll try to be better about reporting my totally boring life and inane observations, but no promises.
*Has anyone noticed this trend? WFT? They are the summer equivalent of Uggs, I suppose. I will never understand and assume that's for the best.
1. Apple Store, Penn Square Mall, Oklahoma City, OK: My dad called to let me know that TurboTax had felled our mighty eMac from 2004. Surprise. He was freaking out because now he had no computer with which to go online and order a new computer so that he could complete filing in a timely manner. I suggested that instead of ordering a computer and taking a day off work to await its arrival that we go to the Apple Store conveniently located near a J. Crew. He agreed, with reservation - about what, I don't know. We completed the purchase after about 500 hours of luddite torture inflicted by Dad toward myself and the poor, annoying apple guy who says he will email the receipt and call us when the additional memory stick has been installed - yes, we had them do it. When we return to pick up the computer, the concierge/dumbass asks for our receipt. I say it will be emailed to us with our Apple Care information. Dad then completely freaks out because it dons on him that without his old computer working, he can't possibly check email to print out the new receipt. FOR REAL! I calmly try to tell him that he can access his email from any computer and that we need only to turn on the new computer so that he can log in to gmail. He thinks this over and clearly thinks that he has spawned a complete and utter retard for thinking that email can exist on more than just one's personal computer. Seriously, folks, it's amazing I can even read. Also, he has a Ph.D.
2. Meacham Hall, OU, Norman, OK: Later that night, Darryl/Craig Robinson, the endearing warehouser from The Office performed his stand up routine at OU. It bordered on totally lame and awful and made extensive use of a Casio and the word "panties." I could make better jokes in my sleep, if I were funny. Later that night, we saw him holding court over a mixture of fratsters and sorostitutes (who probably don't watch The Office unless it's on in the background while they're blowing dudes with their boat shoes* still on) at the bar. Ew.
3. East Lawn, OU, Norman, OK: Later, later that night, we returned from the disappointing "comedy" show to whine and complain about the lack of interesting shit to do in Norman, the boyfriend stumbled upon the fact that Voxtrot would be performing at OU, right where we had been a mere minutes earlier. We finished our Keystones and braved the streets filled with the remnants of OU's first scrimmage to listen to approximately 1.5 songs before they finished. Oops. They are darling! Like all good hipsters, they are mini. Super cute, teeny tiny musicians. Oh well, random indie bands are always clamoring to play in Norman, so there'll be more... Actually, if you read this (ha!) and you're from the area, the Norman Music Festival happens the 26th. The line up isn't bad including British Sea Power, The Polyphonic Spree and lots of not totally sucky local acts.
4. Cain's Ballroom, Tulsa, OK: Mr. Shain and I hit the turnpike for a quick trip to Tulsa to hear my favorite Feist perform Monday night. Shain is truly dear sometimes, but I don't know why, and frankly, it scares me. He picked me up from work and promptly handed me a Boylan lime seltzer, my favorite, for the trip. I thought for sure this meant that he was the Silvio to my Ade. After a pit stop at McDonald's so Shain could stuff his face with the new southern chicken sandwich (what does that even mean, McDonald's?) we arrived in Tulsa to get lost in the totally dead downtown area. It was weird. We were afraid to park, but we did and made it inside. Now, I love Feist and you will not convince me otherwise. I have Let it Die and The Reminder memorized. I will fight you if you say she sucks unless it looks like I cannot win. Right, my point was that I suspected, as we entered the venue, that the Urban Outfitted attendees did not share the same kind of love. I was right. Instead of singing the The Park, she railed the audience for their behavior to the melody. I imagine this is not unusual for her, that she probably rehearses admonishments for mid-western audiences, but I got her point. Shain thought it was preachy and tacky. What was actually maybe more tacky was her outfit - I couldn't decide if her white fringed mini dress with white leather booties topped with beaded Native American inspired necklaces was an homage to her surroundings or just bizarre taste. More disturbing was the continued audience behavior. This chick beside me totally flipped her shit on the security guy near us chatting up a totally drunk girl. The security dude actually told her to shut the fuck up. I was stunned. But then I returned to the hypnotic effect of the music accompanied by this super hot piano player and the boyfriend's doppleganger on guitar (he seriously looked quite like him). She played all the old favorites including new versions of Inside and Out and Let it Die. She forgot a verse of Mushaboom, but came back with a fantastic encore of Sealion Woman. One of the most compelling things about the whole show, besides Shain's clothing choice which involved a stuffed in t-shirt and vest, was the shadow imagery projected on the back of the stage area. Usually, I hate that shit, but now, of course, I want to change careers. We got home about 2 and I headed into work by 8. Awesome, but worth it.
5. My Bed, Norman, OK: I went to bed last night a about 7pm and woke up at 6.30 this morning. Hence the bloglessness. I'll try to be better about reporting my totally boring life and inane observations, but no promises.
*Has anyone noticed this trend? WFT? They are the summer equivalent of Uggs, I suppose. I will never understand and assume that's for the best.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Live Blogging the Grammy Awards
6.58pm - Oh, the Grammy's are on? Does that mean there will be new episodes of The Office? What day is it?
7.02 - Boring. Boring. Boring.
7.34 - Boring. Amy Crackhouse wins again.
sometime in between - Beyonce booty shaking like a maniac with an old lady wearing a skin-tight space suit made of foil aka Tina Turner.
8.11 - Boring. Where's Cracky Whorehouse?
9.02 - Why do I know all of the words to "That Old Black Magic?" The BF is looking at me strangely as he puts in ear plugs.
9.05 - They're showing Dexter on CBS?
9.09 - I love me some Stevie Wonder, but the guy needs a sighted stylist.
9.12 - The BF's fart is more exciting than Alicia Keys' performance.
9.18 - Kanye just got told! By Vince Gill! Not even Vince Neil! Don't fuck with Oklahomans.
9.41 - There she is. She makes Nicole Richie look fat. She's also wearing the inside of a Victorian casket. Pretty...
9.forever - Boring.
And the winner is...
7.02 - Boring. Boring. Boring.
7.34 - Boring. Amy Crackhouse wins again.
sometime in between - Beyonce booty shaking like a maniac with an old lady wearing a skin-tight space suit made of foil aka Tina Turner.
8.11 - Boring. Where's Cracky Whorehouse?
9.02 - Why do I know all of the words to "That Old Black Magic?" The BF is looking at me strangely as he puts in ear plugs.
9.05 - They're showing Dexter on CBS?
9.09 - I love me some Stevie Wonder, but the guy needs a sighted stylist.
9.12 - The BF's fart is more exciting than Alicia Keys' performance.
9.18 - Kanye just got told! By Vince Gill! Not even Vince Neil! Don't fuck with Oklahomans.
9.41 - There she is. She makes Nicole Richie look fat. She's also wearing the inside of a Victorian casket. Pretty...
9.forever - Boring.
And the winner is...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
In which I discover that my former Chinese study buddy has a band featured on blogs and stuff
I am obsessed with near celebrity. Completely and absolutely. Where most people have places in their brains to remember birthdays and car keys, I remember the time I was on the same ferry back from Martha's Vineyard as Steven Tyler or that Lacey is flipping off Ben Folds on his DVD cover and that C-tina was once on Lingo and won a bunch of stuff and that the exbf met Clinton and Holly Hunter on the same day. So, color me shocked and pleased when I open up trusty stereogum to find that the Quit Your Day Job feature focuses on one of my college classmates! Chances are, she doesn't remember me all that well, but we spent probably 20 hours a week together divising, memorizing and then performing Chinese dialogues for Zhao Laoshi at the alma mater during sophomore year. We had several sleepless nights downing chicken nuggets (actually, that was just me) and guzzling stolen soda in the dining hall. We had massive paper cut injuries from thousands of flash cards. I think we also took a class about How Poems Mean in East and West with possibly the best professor I ever had, but I probably didn't go. I doubt she did either. In any case, best of luck to Elisa and Pete of the Magik Markers. Check 'em out! However, it's not my kind of music, per se, but I'm open minded. Sometimes.
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