It turns out that I am alive.

However, Christmas has sent me into a sadness spiral.

X-treme Ultimate Insomnia

I must've had too much coffee at Panera (yeah, whatevs) this evening because I can't sleep nor can I stop pissing (but at least this means my kidneys and liver still work - touché drinking problem). As usual, I am scouring the interwebs for porn (for the upcoming Casual Porn Friday feature sickos - it's work) and my thoughts somehow led me to my MySpace page (you have one too, so shut up), well, more my vanity than my thoughts. Or rather, my vain thoughts? I look at my pictures, thinking perhaps it's time to shake up the ol' blogger profile since my traffic has increased exponentially (to two) and briefly considered this little guy

but then reconsidered after thinking about how much explanation this photo would take, in spite of its awesomeness (to me). But now I have to explain it anyway. Dartmouth has a wonderful little get together called Winter Carnival. Basically, the whole town gets shit faced, jumps into frozen ponds, stares at a giant snow sculpture usually involving Dr. Suess and then alums and students alike drink their faces off at various frat parties for about 72 hours. In spite of not actually being a student at Dartmouth, I managed to attend five of these shit shows. I only remember about three minutes of one back in 2002. Anyway, so, at some point, I guess I decide to take this picture of Mr. Winterbottom (you remember him, don't you G-race?) because he's obviously passed out with ice skates on over the back of an overturned recliner. Funny. What's funnier (again, to me) is that Winterbottom wore a Bruce Springsteen outfit all 48 hours of the weekend (tapered jeans, white t-shirt, some kind of vest, bandana) - as well as the ice skates. Not kidding. But I guess that's the kind of hard work and dedication one would expect from an Ivy Leaguer. Honestly, most of the weekend was a blur (I think this was the year of my first Red Bull and vodka experience that ended with me doing God knows what, but I got a mysterious email from some guy the next week about a political rally at Smith) so I'm not sure if this happened that weekend, the year before or maybe even after, but I'm pretty sure sometime someone told me a story of Winterbottom, a gold thong and professional baseball. Later, I was shown the video of this, which I thought I would never find again. Lo and behold, tonight, I Google Winterbottom and golden thong and look! The video's kinda long, but kinda funny.

The Wintry Thong

Thank you and goodnight.