Sunday, December 31, 2006

Delta can suck it. Hard.

Hi everyone. Still in OK! I'm so excited to STILL be here, really, I can't tell you how pleased I am. Hopefully, tomorrow I get to take yet another trip to the airport to have my hopes and dreams dashed by a woman in an ill-fitting navy suit. So, now it is New Years Eve. And I got nothing. By nothing I mean a toothbrush, clothes other than a sweatshirt and holey jeans and dirty Pumas, friends, alcohol, plans, etc. If you read this before midnight, call me! Stat!

In a related story, my appreciation/tolerance of Oklahoma has officially come to an end. I no longer consider chicken fried steak a culinary innovation. The thought of Pickle-O's makes me want to puke. My "southern" accent makes me sound ignorant. 55 degrees gets old. Making fun of Republicans to their faces can only be entertaining for so long. The only thing that can save the remainder of this trip is the super cheap alcohol. And some ass. That would be nice. L-Ma, if it comes down to it, we're smooching at 12. I mean it.

Happy New Year (Y'all)!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Delta, you are an ass.

You have now canceled a second flight on me. I leave for the airport this morning at 5.45a (5.45 am!!) to find out that you just don't feel like flying from OKC to Atlanta today. Is it really that hard? So, now I'm back at the parent's and must leave for the airport tomorrow at 5.45a in what I'm convinced will be another futile attempt to return and will almost certainly ruin my New Years plans. (This might or might not be a lie. I might or might not have rockin' New Years Plans. You'll just have to wait till Monday and see.) Oh, but thanks for the $400 voucher. Although, I will never fly with you again. I'm putting that piece of crap up on ebay.


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Friday, December 29, 2006

An Oklahoma Christmas in Numbers:

9 hours spent aimlessly wandering the Atlanta airport where I decided southern people are way better looking than Yankees (they're also not assholes). No offense.
6 of The Most Delicious Chicken Nuggets Ever consumed at said airport.
2 movies - (Casino Royale and The Good Shepherd).
1 trip to the drive-in for sweet, sweet Pickle-O's.
1, 284 times I've been called "sweetie," "honey," "darlin,'" "sweetheart," etc.
1 totally awesome celebrity sighting, hell, I met him! I love you Kayne (and Kanye too).
1 realization that I will always be smitten with my gay non-boyfriend from high school.
60 - the average temp of an Oklahoma winter - yay global warming!
1 free haircut (finally). Thanks mom!
42 trucks or SUV's I counted on the way to the mall, which I went to 4 times because there is nothing else to do in this Godforsakentown. Except drink, which I did for a solid week. And for only about $5 a trip! Reason enough to move home...)
1 fantastically awesome night with 10 of the coolest (read biggest nerds) kids in high school.
3 gin (Hendrick's - that's right, liquor is cheaper than water in OK) and tonics and 2 vodka tonics swilled before embarking on a 6 hour make-out session with 1 old boyfriend(ish).
1 friend named Alex who is the funniest kid I've ever met and needs to start a blog ASAP.
4 new pairs of heels.
1 new eyeliner and a $25 "free" gift from Clinique (Watch out boys! I done learned how to put on make up).
3 hours across the prairie to the g-rents for the most unfulfilling gift exchange ever - 3 hours back too, but we did score this!
2 hours total I've seen my brother - he's way cooler than I am and has been out all night almost every night. Whatev.
3 walks with my totally neurotic yet endearing dog, Claire.
5 conversations about abortion rights and gay weddings that almost ended in bar fights.
4 enchiladas I happily shoved into my pudgy little face - I gotta stock up. Mexican food in MA is more ridiculous than Miss Nevada getting a second chance.
11am - I got to sleep in!
3 times I was asked why I wasn't married. I am 25 after all. What else do I have to do besides get hitched and pop out babies?
80,000 text messages sent and received. I refuse to speak to you on the phone anymore. Send it in writing, please.
14 naps per day for the parents - are they that old?
600 channels!!!!!!!!!!
1 trip to Tulsa completing my Oklahoma '06 tour. I've seen it all. And there's not much.
1 delicious dinner of chicken fried steak. There is nothing better even though you've never heard of it. Don't even try.
12 mixed cds made out of desperation because the radio stations here only play Beyonce and Nickleback. Seriously.
4 days I've gone without reading Gawker. Gasp!
3 friends I dearly miss in MA. And one pug. And one cat.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Post Christmas Wrap Up (get it? wrap up? ha!)

Lame. Kind of like Christmas. I know I shouldn't complain. However... of the cousins/grandchildren, my brother and I are the only kids who haven't been arrested for possession or have DUI's - in fact, we're both literate and I even graduated from college (the little bro's still in high school), but somehow this seems to have no impact on the gift situation. So, we each get two TWO presents while the degenerates loudly rustle through a substantial pile of love gifts. I drive the family three hours to far western Oklahoma (I almost hit a tumbleweed! I'm not kidding!) to end the day with two gift cards to Wal-Mart. At least now I can buy that NASCAR DVD I've been wanting. We're a classy bunch.

This is how much no one loves me.


This is my brother, dad and I having our own gift card exchange. I eventually traded in the Wal-Marts for Dillard's (mid-west department store) and Macy's. I now own a lovely pair of gold high heels. Why not?


This is the most hideous thing I've seen since pictures of Suri. The fam likes to have a "dirty Santa" (aka "Yankee swap" or some shit) and this gift was a stunner (proudly displayed by brother and uncle bee-spot). You might need to click on the picture for a close up. It's truly a work of art. I can get it for you real cheap. Just let me know.

Gerald Ford, We Hardly Knew Ye.

Well, actually, just me. Because you were president before I was born. This is (in poor taste and) for you:

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Nerd Party 06!!!

So, my high school has an English program called AEGIS, which is a highly selective, two year (11th and 12th grade), intensive program in which students are required to do all kinds of things - enter writing competitions, write plays for performance by the competitive acting class, prepare for the AP English test, etc (not that you can tell from my writing...) [ We're nerds, but I don't want to give you the wrong impression - most of us were actually just trying to get laid, convince someone to buy us alcohol, find ways not to go to school, buy Cliffs Notes for Wuthering Heights, and think of excuses for why we were out all night - studying, naturally. Lies. All lies. We were big geeks.] There were only 16 of us, so we got pretty cozy (read everyone's made out with everyone. Literally.) with each other over the years. Also, since we were (are) dorks, we were in the same AP and other dork classes together. Then we all scattered far and wide for college. This year, I decided to round us up in one place and nerd it up.

Things went pretty well. We all met up at a surprisingly swanky bar in Norman. Shots were taken. Stories were told. A good time was had by all. Of course, my phone dies and I miss the after party because I couldn't get directions (yes, I got everyone's text messages today - sorry!) and I have no idea where I'm going in this town anymore. So, instead, I did it up high school style, sucking face in the back seat of a car to Justin Timberlake all night like my life depended on it until my lips hurt (still hurt). Of course, I lost an earring. Some things never change.

Whose are these? Not mine, for once. Morgan has always been my toughest competition.

Mike and C-tina. Mike and I often fought to the point of jumping over our desks and beating each other with our copies of The Great Gatsby. Good times, good times.

L-Ma and Matt.

Alison. We wrote a play together about a provolone salesman. What?

Jared, Alison, Alex and Brian. Jared and Alex speak Chinese too!

Morgan being Morgan.

Brian and Alison. These are the worst captions ever. I am very tired and slightly hungover, you see.

Brandon and Jared. Neither of this kids were actually in AEGIS, but we decided they could stay.

It sounds gross,

but fried pickles (Pickle-O's) are one of the best things ever (and a bargain at $1.69). There's a darling drive-in called Classic 50's here in Norman that serves them. I've attempted to recreate them at home, but they always suck.

Feast your eyes:

Golden goodness.


It's really too bad there's nothing like this in NE.


Ecstasty. C-tina enjoys her first Pickle-O in years.

Friday, December 22, 2006

It's Friday, I'm in love.

Hi there! This is a special Oklahoma version! I know you can't wait! No one still reads this, do they. It's ok. My mom does.

1. Red dirt! It's everywhere. Unless you've seen it in person, it's hard to understand red dirt.
2. Mexican food. I have consumed about 10 pounds of enchiladas since my arrival Tuesday. Don't worry, I'm running three miles a day to make up for it, except I'm not.
3. Old friends. Oh Shain, gay boyfriend of yesteryear. You will never change.
4. The original best dog ever (my other has been stolen), Claire. She's gettin' old, but she's still one good lookin' lady dog.
5. Cheap gas. $2.07/gallon! Ok!
6. The 'rents are footing the bill for everything (should I feel guilty?).
7. Cheap beer that's not terribly sucky.
8. It's 55 outside right now. And it's December 22nd. Ah yes.
9. No cross walks.

Happy Holidays Ya'll.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

I met Kayne! For real!

Last night, L-Ma and I were meeting up with an old high school friend at a local bar. Our friend meets us and leads us to a booth where L-Ma suddenly turns to the people seated beside us and says something along the lines of, "I think you should've won." I'm trying to figure out what's happening, then I see the spiky blonde hair and overly ornate shirt and sure as shit it's Kayne having dinner! He was so gracious and polite to our gawking and told us his new shoe line is coming out soon. Yay! We returned to our booth where I began plotting as to how I was going to get him to take a picture with us. Kayne (and his BF?) get their bill and are readying to leave when our waitress (who has been shamelessly flirting with our friend - gross, really) makes a comment about wearing her gay pride bracelet and our friend responds somewhat un p.c.ly. Not good. L-Ma then puts the kibosh on asking for a photo. Fucking Oklahoma. L-Ma now wants me to leave Kayne a comment through MySpace (yeah, he's my "friend" - so what) explaining the situation. We'll see.

So, I have nothing to show for my most recent brush with fame except this:



Yup. That's right. His check.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Goulet Wednesday News Roundup

Judith Regan fired.

Tara, Miss USA, rehired.

Britney Spears, slut.

Blah, blah, blah. Maybe more next week if Lindsay Lohan falls off the wagon, sets it on fire and drives the wrong way down the 405 in Britney's long lost underwear.

Christmastime in the OKC

Ok, actually, Norman, which is a little south of OKC (that's Oklahoma Ciy for those of you not in the know - home of the Cowboy Hall of Fame and Color Me Badd). I began my long journey yesterday morning at 4.30 am. I finally made it home at 9.30pm. Uh huh. Yup. Delta is dead to me. They canceled my connection and left me stranded in the Atlanta airport from 9.30am until 7pm. I hate them. I am computerless and ipodless. It was torture. I consoled myself with the best fast food ever! (On Delta, of course - what's another $7 when you're in bankruptcy proceedings, right?)

Behold the wonder of Chick-fil-A. I don't consider myself a fast food connsoisseur, but I am. The quality of their waffle fries and chicken nuggets is far superior to any other crap out there. I'm not gonna lie, I've looked up locations in the New England. There's one in Nashua. If you're in the area, get the number 3. You'll thank me later.



I also talked to a lot of southerners and am 45.3% on my way to reacquiring my accent, y'all. I've decided it's charming.

Stay tuned for more from the Heartland.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Music is my boyfriend

Dear Reader(s),

As the end of the year is drawing near, I thought I would provide you with a list of what I think are the 10 (ok, 11) best songs of this year. You might disagree. I don't care. I am always right.

11. Multiply (in a minor key) - Jamie Lidell
10. Long Distance Call - Phoenix
9. Secret Heart - Feist
8. Rise Up With Fists - Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
7. The Greatest - Cat Power
6. Throw It All Away - Zero 7
5. Chinese Translation - M. Ward
4. Smile - Lily Allen
3. My Love - Justin Timberlake*
2. Together - The Raconteurs
1. Fidelity - Regina Spektor

*DO NOT argue with me about this one. Don't deny it, you love it too. Because it's actually good. Also, if you haven't seen this, I encourage immediate viewing. It's really a delightful Christmas ditty. Humming to myself right now...

Cat Party/Knitting/Burritos/Karaoke Dream/Ray Lamontagne

This weekend was another rather uneventful string of social interactions. Hmm. Is it me?

Friday night I met Alabracadabra and JS here. I think I like it better than The Dirty Truth. But of course, it's really far, so there's that. Ended the night back at the apartment (after several detours) with a strange gathering upstairs with the roommate, neighbors and several cats. You know.

Saturday night I found myself at Siobhlogger's watching her knitting needles fly along with Pregnantigoni's. They are truly amazing knitters. I am an amazing sitter. I read Martha Stewart Living and learned how to clean things I will never actually own or clean. I also tracked down a song S-bhan had heard on the radio, but could only remember a few lyrics. I am truly gifted at this. Seriously. I have proven it time and time again. Try me. I will win. Then we ate burritos! Delicious burritos.

Sunday morning, I had one of the strangest dreams that I can remember. If I already told you about it, skip to sunday night. If not, well, then... So, I'm on a tour bus packed with old high school friends and an assortment of Japanese people. We are touring the country performing in karaoke competitions. (As you might know, I am obsessed with karaoke, but rarely perform and when I do I am simultaneously awful and magnificent.) We arrive at a place somewhere near Chicago, I believe. I don't know why I believe this, but I do. We pile into the place and people start selecting songs. I have to go the restroom - where I manage to lock myself into a stall. Finally, after what seems like hours, I realized I can just slide underneath the door (why hadn't I thought of this before since I've actually had to do this? I dunno. It's a dream.). When I make my way to the stage area, I'm told there are only five minutes left and the only song that has not yet been sung is, you guessed it! "All I Want for Christmas" by Mariah Carey. So, I grab the mic and sing the crap out of the song. And win the competition! Yay! I'm holding the trophy thinking to myself, "you've never actually won anything like this! Things are looking up!" My eyes are closed, victory washing over me. Then, I open my eyes to the familiarity of my livingroom back in OK. A Fisher-Price microphone/tape recorder thingy is clutched in my hand. My parents are sitting on the couch. They say, "we think you're great." Yup. I woke up laughing.

Sunday night I happily found myself at the Calvin for Ray Lamontagne's show (thanks for organizing S!). Sadly, as much as I enjoy music, I have been to very few shows. (Here's the sad, sad list. Please don't laugh: Destiny's Child and Three Doors Down (drug there by college friends - at Rhodes), Counting Crows, Busta Rhymes, Pink, Andrew Bird, many assorted local bands, I have probably forgotten a few.) Most of the time, I find that the live performance is severely underwhelming. Andrew Bird completely surprised me, but Mr. Lamontagne definitely knocked my socks off. [Oh, there was the opening act, too. Tristan Prettyman. She was good as well. I think I've heard "Love, Love, Love" on the radio. She's kinda like a female Jack Johnson - I'm sure that's an original comparison. Whatever. I'm no music writer.] This guy is truly amazing. And by this guy, I mean his band too (not coincidentally, I now must learn how to play the steel guitar). I listen to his stuff on the radio (because I am the only ipodless person on the planet) and am sometimes tempted to download songs I don't recognize and I've always liked him, but after watching him perform, I am in love. First of all, he's got this rugged Maine/New Hampshire bearded recluse quality about him that I'm into right now.

see, ruggedly handsome. tortured. pensive. unavailable. my type. The image “http://alexis.blogs.com/francais/images/ray_lamontagne.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

Secondly, he's an incredible vocalist. He sings the shit out of every song. Being the product of two musicians, I do not say this lightly. Finally, his lyrics are simultaneously heart wrenching and joyous (I actually teared up a few times. He effortlessly captures complex emotions without forcing the sentiment into needless rhymes or conventions). I wish I could say that his performance was my favorite thing about the evening, but that would actually have to go to the couple sitting behind me (second runner up: drunk lady next to me who kept telling me her son looked like the drummer).

Skeevy guy: "Hey, I live right around the corner. Let's get out of here, go back to my place, drink wine and I'll play you some Nick Drake."

Girl: "Yeah."

Me: Bangs head against back of seat in hopes of making them shut up.

The end. Except then I went to a birthday party (late) and everyone left as soon as I arrived. Awesome! Eh. What're you gonna do? Eat french fries with garlic aioli. That's what you do.

Friday, December 15, 2006

It's Friday, I'm in Love

I know you've been waiting for this one! Here's the list for this week:

1. This purse. So cute. So wintry. So empty. (But, I still love it.)


2. Snoop Dogg does Christmas. Scroll down this page to download "Christmas Time in the LBC."

3. Burritos! Any kind, really. But, if anyone wants to take a trip to Anna's Taqueria or Benny's, lemme know. Whoa, there's a burrito blog. Of course there is.

4. Nick Le-Che. If you haven't bought my Christmas gift yet (don't worry, I haven't bought yours), here's one idea...

5. My friends. Thanks a million, kids as I have been a bit whiny and needy as of late, but you have all taken it in stride. I want to give a special long distance dedication to C-tina and Laceybug. C-tina - I'm wearing the Northwestern sweatshirt (fits perfectly, as does everything, amazingly. Remember when we gave L-Ma the Ayatollah Assaholah tee-shirt? I don't think she liked that as much as us.) and socks as I write. On post-its. Your package definitely made my day. And L-Ma, your cat card is up on the fridge in a very prominent position. It means a lot. Thanks.





Thursday, December 14, 2006

Hoboken isn't as bad as I thought it would be.

This post is a bit delayed (and not even remotely humorous), but such is the life of a computerless (unfunny) blogger. I use term blogger, loosely, don't worry.

Siobhlogger let me tag along with her this weekend to her old stompin' grounds in Queens, Manhatten and Hoboken.

S's parents graciously hosted me Friday night. They have cable. It was heaven. Pure heaven. I had no idea just how much I miss Clinton and Stacy. Also, someone please nominate me for "What Not To Wear." Clearly, I qualify and could certainly benefit from a $5k shopping spree and a fashion ass lashing.

Saturday, S and I struck out via the LIRR to the city to meet up with Allison, a college friend of Siobhan's. We gorged on pizza and the view from Allison's apartment as we readied ourselves for the weekend's main event, a birthday party in Hoboken. We stopped in the village to pick up another friend and stuff our faces with cheese and hummus. We then headed over to NJ on the PATH. My first time! The party was hosted at this bar and featured an open bar as well as mini sliders! Delicious and just what you need after a face full of pizza. Whatever. I was on vacation.

This is the view from Allison's 34th floor apartment. Not too shabby.

This is S and I at Nine. I (on the right in case you don't know me) have never claimed to be photogenic. Nor attractive. Don't all email me at once asking me out.

We headed back to the city after our fill of free alcohol and finger foods, and after a small door debacle and a guy named Tyrone, made our way to The Other Room for a nightcap (where I tried to get high school friend Erik to meet us, but to no avail).

S, Allison and I ate our weight in diner food Sunday morning before heading back to Queens, where I got to help pick out my first real Christmas tree! My family has always had a fake one, dunno why, we just have. S and I decided to help her 'rents out by setting up then putting the lights on the tree. Easier said than done. The sucker fell over once and I'm very disappointed in my lighting skills. After determining the tree would remain upright long enough for us to escape, we took off for our happy valley. Big T called on the way and offered us a dinner at Green Street. Can't say no to that!

O Tannenbaum.

All in all, a good (if uneventful) weekend.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Merry Chrismakwanzahannukah!*

Consider this my gift to you. Because I'm on a tight budget this year.
I present to you:

The Best Holiday Mix Ever
(or stuff I like to listen to this time of year)!

I advise you to illegally download these little gems stat! It's the most wonderful time of the year!!

Christmas Time Is Here (vocal)- Vince Guaraldi Trio
All I want For Christmas - Mariah Carey
Baby It's Cold Outside - Dean Martin
Last Christmas - Wham
Sleigh Ride - Ella Fitzgerald
Happy Christmas (War is Over) - John Lennon
Linus and Lucy - Vince Guaraldi Trio
River - Joni Mitchell
Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Judy Garland
You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch - Thurl Ravenscroft**
The Christmas Song - Diana Krall
'Zat You, Santa Clause? - Louis Armstrong
Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses
Greensleaves - John Coltrane
Christmas Time is Here (instrumental) - Vince Guaraldi Trio

* I am aware of both the overuse and lameness of this statement.
**Incidentally, I plan to name my first child Thurl Ravenscroft.

Goulet Wednesday News Roundup

Mama's got a brand new bag totally deadbeat, sketchy looking, potential moocher dude. [TMZ]

Linds has seen the light. She, like, hasn't had a drink in seven (7) days! [PerezHilton] Which means she might have been sober when she wrote this. Scary.

I guess I'll have to get that subscription to Maxim now. [Jossip]

Maybe Brit's new BF needs a DUI before they'll let him into Hyde. Seems to be a prerequisite. [MollyGood]

Watch out Suri. [Gawker] In a related story, yeah right. [MSNBC]

This is in case you have forgotten the source of Goulet Wednesday News Roundup.


Monday, December 11, 2006

Abercrombie's got my number.


Whilst Christmas shopping, I happened to pass in front of A&F at my local shopping center. One whiff of whatever cologne they've got going on in there, and I pretty much needed to sit down. Whoever does their market research, they're doing a damn fine job. I suppose I'm not Abercrombie's targeted demographic as I don't drive an SUV, use my parent's credit card, watch the O.C., am not a size 0, etc... but they still got me. For a long time, I was tricked into thinking that my last boyfriend's shiteous b.o. was somehow rugged and charming. Seriously, he refused to wear deodorant for a few years (something about the aluminum, wha? Gay.). Well, friends, I'm over that. I want a man that doesn't smell like a gyro wrapped in gym socks left on a radiator. I'm not pleased to admit that I repeatedly swoon at the contrived scent of such a socially (and culturally) irresponsible commercial giant, but there you go. Maybe it's the smell of capitalism that I'm enjoying.




Friday, December 08, 2006

It's Friday, I'm in Love

Hello there. I'm starting a new weekly post (in addition to the ever popular Goulet Wednesday News Roundup that I know you all can't wait for!). On Friday, I will expound (briefly) upon things with with I am currently in love (and by love I mean temporarily amused and or/smitten).

1. "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder. This is just an awesome song and makes me want to learn guitar. At the very least, I sing and dance around whenever I hear it.

2. "The Office." I've been slacking off on this season, but discovered I can catch up online! Yay! I would say this is the finest season yet. Team Pam or Team Karen? I just don't know. Definitely not Team Dwight. I know that.

3. More TV. "Ugly Betty" is surprisingly entertaining. I'm not sure how long this premise can hold out, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying myself. And Selma Hayek. Jesus, she's hot.

4. This. Watch only if you're familiar with R. Kelley's "Trapped in the Closet" saga. This is "Trapped in the Clauset" and fucking hilarious.

And now I'm off to New York, suckas. Don't miss me too much. Right. Of course you won't.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

My name is Blythe and I'm a blogoholic

I've been obsessively compelled to read blogs and create my own since August of this year (I've always been a late bloomer. Except for my boobs. I got those when I was about 11). I cannot go for more than 24 hours without reading something about someone else's life or telling others about mine (or lack thereof). This is a problem as it is now interfering with my social life (or lack thereof) and sleep patterns (or lack thereof).

- I do not live in New York City (although, to be fair to myself, I did spend a blissful summer near Columbia right after high school and have pretty much been smitten ever since and the city would be the better for having me in residence), but I still need to know everything going on, not that I understand it, and everything about everyone who lives there, not that I'd ever meet them. It's a sickness. An evil sickness. It's Monday afternoon and I take a look at Slack Lalane, click a link here, a link there and suddenly it's Tuesday night. This is becoming worse than my diet coke addiction. And I have a diet coke IV.

News: Gawker, Jossip, Apiary, Gothamist, NY Magazine...

A sampling of people: Everything Is Wrong With Me, Monkey In My Pants, High Class Jackass, Logged Hours, fauxy dot net, Slack Lalane, Copyranter, Cole Slaw, Pissed and Pretty, Things That Make You Go Hmm, This Girl Called Automatic Win, Worker #3116...

- Although I see and speak with Siobhlogger, Alabracadabra, Pregnantigoni, Acorn to Tree, Laceybug and Pulp on a regular basis, I still find myself checking their blogs as if something could happen about which I don't already know. It's silly, really.

- I'm convinced no one likes me because I receive so few comments. I think I should talk to a therapist about this, or find a blog that talks about this.

- I am obsessed with celebrity gossip. I check in with Perez more than the New York Times. Why do I need to read an interview with Paris' waxer? I just fucking do. A high school friend was friends with MollyGood in college. When I found this out, I literally squealed. Not a good sign.

Other sources of celebrity goodness: TMZ, PerezHilton, Defamer, Best Week Ever, Page Six

- Being single and blogging seem to go hand in hand or something (Charming But Single, Downtown Chic, Desperate Guy, Girlfriend 07 etc.). So I duly complied. Note: it has not helped me become unsingle, which is not a word.

HELP ME!!! Is there some group I can join? Via the Internet?

or, better yet, start a blog, link me to yours, send a comment, let's talk about Gawker...

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

All I want for Christmas

is my fucking dog.

Ok, I usually try to keep this blog a happy space, full of witty, optimistic irreverence and shit, but holy balls, am I pissed. I think I've mentioned it before, but Break-Up06 has not been the easiest thing of my life. A good thing, yes (probably the best), easiest, no. Case in point: shared ownership of the best dog in the world. His name is Zealand, and he's from Oklahoma like me. I spent a solid six months with this dog, loving, training, playing, all of that wonderful stuff, then the break up. Sucky. It was decided that we would share the dog since we still live near each other. Then, after a shaky start, the dog was never returned and I've since been told I won't be seeing him again. Wait, I take that back, I might possibly be able to "spend time" with him. What the fuck? Presently, there's documentation supporting both of our claims to ownership. I don't want this to get messy, but I feel I'm being forced. Moreover, it's deeply disturbing that two people who spent the last fucking seven years of their life with each other can't get their shit together enough to deal with this like (quasi) adults. But I digress. I've gotten some good advice (on both sides of the issue), but I'm really torn about what I should do. This has brought me to tears the first time since August (when the aforementioned ruined my birthday). I simply love my dog and want him back. People do this all the time, why not us? I didn't think it was so much to ask considering how much money and effort has been put into said dog. But I also thought Kid and Pam's marriage would last, so there you go.

To make myself feel better, I have now listened to the following about 20 times. Seriously, when you're down, there's nothing like vintage Mariah (none of this Mimi bullshit) to cheer you up. I will also be drinking later (read right now). Feel free to join me.

Goulet Wednesday News Roundup

Someone in the L.A. Kid Squad has been watching TV! Or has a computer! Or a radio! Or a friend. Or a pet. Or an inanimate object since everyone and everything has seen Brit's baby factory these days. I suppose all is well as long as "Hit Me Baby One More Time" hasn't become literal.

Vaughniston broke up. Blah blah who cares. Team Jolie! I think some kids from the O.C. broke up too, but again, who cares.

Cheney's got a bun. In the oven. (That's quite possibly the worst pun/joke I've ever made.)

Speaking of babies, is sterilization really that bad of an idea? [The Scoop]

You can't make this up. Seriously.

The deforestation of Bush's lady garden. [NY Times]

Not my Augusten! [Gawker]

Banning trans fats? And another reason I don't live in NY.

this has been making sarah and i laugh a lot (you've probably already seen it or think it's dumb. whatev.)



Also, some people hate this one, but I happen to love it (I used to dork out to They Might Be Giant in my younger years, I won't lie). Well, not the product. That's disgusting.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

You may ask yourself; Well...How did I get here?

Because I know at least one of you (out of all three of you) reads this several times a day, I am inspired to provide you with more content. I present to you a mid-afternoon smorgasbord of my head.
1. Have you seen the Greg Behrendt Show? I remember when his book, He's Just Not That Into You was a big deal a few years ago. I even seem to recall an Oprah appearance. Recently (i.e. this week), I've had a few opportunities to watch a little daytime television and happened upon this show after almost gouging my eyes out with blunt objects during a viewing of Rachel Ray's new show. What's up with his hair? It's like Mark McGrath and Vanilla Ice mated. And what's with all the vests? And tight pants? Wikipedia tells me that he used to room with David Cross. Wha? David, tell your old roomie the truth about this terrible show. (Also, just got a Bag Hutch!!) I'm just not that into this show and you shouldn't be either.

http://www.azfamily.com/misc/expo2006/images/gregb.jpg

2. Amy Poehler prefectly summarizes the recent behavior of Brit on last week's SNL. Also, I just love her.



I will be including baby factory, beave, and lady garden in my active vocabulary from now on.

3. I am so over the Dreamgirls hype. Yeah, Beyonce's hot (and also a bitch, apparently), but she can't act for crap. Remember that movie she was in with Cuba Gooding Jr? I didn't think so.

4. It snowed! Just a tiny bit. Nice, fluffy, fat flakes. I like this time of year when it's novel as opposed to rage inducing.

5. "Elf" is officially my favorite holiday movie.

6. I really like being a holiday party date, so let me know if you need my services. I will +1 the crap out of any event.

7. Remember this? I think you do. I think the fact that I remember making sure I was listening to KJ103's Hot Eight at 8 for the sweet sounds of Snow makes me officially old. This jam's from 1993.



8. To continue my recent penchant toward whiney/sad bastard/emoish music, check out this one:



9. Same as it ever was...

The one where I went to a holiday party

Thanks Northampton Brewery! I had a great time at your holiday party last night. I even got my date to bust a move to "Bust a Move." And, there is almost nothing that makes me happier than a room full of drunk people screaming "Don't Stop Believing" at the top of their lungs. Clich├ęd, yes, but also fantastic. I don't know whether it was the free booze and food, karaoke dance party or all the cigarettes I smoked, but somehow, my faith in Northampton boys has been somewhat restored. There are some non weirdo/jerk/fuck ups out there after all. I will prevail.

An aside: Operation High Heels is in full swing, but my feet fucking hurt. Will it get easier?

Monday, December 04, 2006

122 King Street Art Center

EXHIBITION PRESS RELEASE
Really Ugly Cat House Thing
December 4 - when I can't stand it anymore

(Northampton, MA December 4, 2006) - 122 King Street Art Center is pleased to present Really Ugly Cat House Thing, an exhibition that brings together an artist exploring and transforming ordinary objects (namely trash) and social practices through a deliberate methodology.

With her uncompromising endeavor to probe the visceral and enigmatic world of cat toys, the artist, Recs, illuminates themes such as alchemy and religion, symbols of power and wealth, and the ostentatious and the sublime.

"Recs is an artist's artist," notes her roommate Blythe, curator of this blog and the exhibition. "Her significance places her between Dave's Soda and Pet Food City and Petsmart as a force whose ideas and influence have helped to shape late twentieth century cat art."

Really Ugly Cat House Thing is constructed of a really ugly cat house enveloped in the underside cover of a dilapidated box spring entwined by a decimated cassette and imbued with a sense of unrelenting authenticity and power. This complex architectural structure encourages direct participation, and also evokes references to fragile childhood scale models and places of the imagination.


The artist pictured with her inspiration, Party Cat.



Blythe's Beauty Corner

I'm not really big into makeup, but I've been toying with a few items as of late and cannot rave enough about the Tarte Rise and Shine Plumping Lip Stain and Cheek Stain. This stuff is amazing! Yeah, the lip plumper tingles a little bit, but no worries! I'm sure those chemicals are harmless! Get yourself to Sephora stat!

http://i.ivillage.com/BS/products_shopping/cheeks/BS_Tarte_366.jpg

Thanksgiving Part II

Because I am impoverished, I could not afford to travel to the homeland for Thanksgiving this year. Instead, Margreat's clan happily welcomed myself, her roommate and Lil' T into their home. Thanks NC^2 and Mr. C!

Margreat and Gramps Jeff. BFF!


Lil' T stayed with me over the holiday while Siobhlogger and Big T were in DC.



That's one very large wine glass.



I was a member of the Clean Plate Club!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

WARNING

DO NOT attempt to clean your apartment while listening to a mix of Portishead and Massive Attack. You will just end up making out with your mop.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Get out of jail free

or for $100. My life as a criminal is over. Case dismissed, car inspection violation paid. It was fun while it lasted. The D.A. was older and married this time. Damn.

In other news, I'm going to the Andrew Bird concert, suckas! It's gonna rock! In that slow Andrew Bird way...

Also, it's 64 degrees in Northampton, MA while it's 37 and snowy in Norman, OK. What? It's December.